Congratulations on one week! That is amazing. 
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Hey Everyone. Day 25. Made it to another day. It was another early morning and busy work day. Iām at the point where I feel little motivation for the rest of today. This is the type of mood that would get me to the point of drinking. Giving up early on the day to stop at the liquor store. Iām really trying to keep myself busy with anything just to avoid these thoughts today. Itās a tough one. I feel like going to be early tonight will be the key later on to get through this day. Working on staying strong. Thanks everyone.
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Day one again.
Made it to 17 days and cracked in December.
I got a BP1 w/mixed features diagnosis this week.
I had some things happen
Changed therapists. Now Iām with a care team. Iām requiring accountability from myself for the first time in an eternity if Iām being honest. No more sugar coated lies for me
My med mgmnt guy said āquit the weed before you get reassessed and start meds again.ā So Iām gonna.
My husbandās given me remainder of this year to sort my mind out and make progress or heāll leave and Iāll be damned if I let that happen on my watch when I have time. Marijuana or my heart and soul? I donāt have time to be a āgetting well poserā any more.
I really needed a reality check and this year, Iām reaching the end of my lines. I have to be my reason.
Iām carrying a lot and relearning trust and such. Digging in and making uncomfortableness my normal for a while or maybe for a real long time is something I gotta get used to. Iām capable but reluctant to try sometimes for mixed, very tired reasons; and being honest, thatās a problem.
Reluctance or not Iām here for myself, my husband and my kids and Iām here for my future. Iām tired of throwing in the towel on myself. I keep rebuilding but never like this and never with being completely real with others or myself. so I really need to make this the time I get real about where Iām at and where Iām going.
Hard at work and tenuously optimistic but darn it Iām going to get it.
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Still going good. My youngests birth mom came to town yesterday so I picked her up. Unfortunately, my car broke down on the way home. I knew it was just a fuse but I didnāt have any spares so my wife had to come get us. I woke up early and went to town to fix it. Started my Big Jim Green Chileās today. Still waiting to hear discharge for my son. Insurance has said theyāll pay through Monday.
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@HillbillyChris Thanks 
@Miranda Thanks for ur reply. Yes, I have talked to him. He keeps doing it. And I am being too sensitive,
according to him.
@Fargesia Nice to see you! Knowing Ukranians in person makes it so much more real. Not knowing a soul, my heart breaks for them. I cannot imagine their fear and pain. And Russian citizens trapped in Russia, unable to show their opinion and with harsher living conditions are also suffering. Such a mess.
@mamador I hope ur husband recognises your efforts. I remember being so tired and devoid of hope. Keep on trying. Once you get a longer stretch of sobriety energy and hope will return.
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Checking in
Day38
Well I wonāt be doing another fast anytime soon. My intentions were good (for spiritual and health reasons) but not only did I only make it to 17 hours, I also didnāt feel well, and then when I decided to eatā¦ wellā¦ letās just say I had to reset my āovereating counterā.
I did have some positive things to say about it but overall the experience was not good. And in fact made me feel horrible. I slept well last night, but once eating I ended up sleeping for like 3 hours. Wasting my day away. My HP knows what it is my heart. And ultimately I donāt need to fast to be loved by my HP. I was striving for a deeper connection but I have a deeper connection when I am not fasting. Idk. I donāt think Iāll be trying it again.
Anyway, since not much happened today, I donāt have much to say. Just tidying up and waiting for hubby to come home from work. Hope u all have been doing well!
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I wasnāt going to say anything beforeā¦ But I totally disagree with fasts. Perhaps itās because I went through an eating disorder in my teenage years, perhaps itās because of all the education Iāve had with my fitness training. I know some people say they work for them, but putting your body into starvation mode just slows your metabolism down and doesnāt do much good when you do start eating again. Iām glad you didnāt go too long. I think the ācleanseā is better just by making healthy food choices daily, not by eliminating food completely.
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I donāt think you are being too sensitive. I wish he wouldnāt say those things to youā„ļø
It always makes my heart sink when my hubby says stuff like that.
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It sounds like you are stronger than before. You know what to do and why you want to do it. I believe in youā„ļø
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Thanks girlā¦ ya i didnāt want to say anything too triggering but it even triggered eating stuff with me from like WAY, WAY before when I was ultra focused on my weight and would starve myself and other things. And then like i said I overate soo much once I started eating again, it wasnt good 
It mentally did not do much for me. I see now that I feel more spiritual when I take care of myself. Doing this wasnāt fun. What is a cleanse tho? How do you do that? Is that the same as a ādetoxā?
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Day 1,279 or there abouts.
I recently had been contacted by an old friend. One may call him a drinking buddy, but our friendship was deeper than that, but not by much. Anyway, long story short, I stopped being friends with him almost 6 years ago because he relapsed on meth and we got in to it, things were said and I had no interest in remaining friends.
Sunday he called out of the blue and asked if we could be friends again.
I told him maybe we could, there will be boundaries and there are things I will not put up with. But if heās willing to bury the hatchet, so am I. This could be a huge mistake, or could be just what we need.
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Yes a cleanse and a detox have similar goals but what Iām saying is I donāt really agree with either because I think that we should just try to eat healthy the majority of the time and our body will do what it needs to. One of the main motivators for me to quit drinking was that I had a severe gallbladder attack. I usually eat pretty healthy but overdoing the alcohol and then of course eating not so well after being under the influence was affecting my stomach. One thing I did do was buy a cold press juicer and I try to have my celery juice every morning before I eat and I did push my breakfast back just a bit later. Iām drinking more water. I cut out any foods that I thought were upsetting my stomach like corn and soy because I personally find them hard to digest. I really donāt eat any added sugar, most of the time, but I eat fruit and other healthy alternatives for treats, like my oat milk ice cream and my stevia chocolate chips. Sugar just makes me feel horrible in general. Iām super sensitive to it. I eat whole grains 99 percent of the time as opposed to white flour/pasta. Anyway making a few dietary changes instead of trying to do a complete fast, cleanse or detox is usually more sustainable and helpful in the long run. Iām only sharing my experience and what has helped me. Hereās an article if youāre interested in reading it. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/are-you-planning-a-cleanse-or-detox-read-this-first/amp/
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Oh wow this post moved me. COPD is cruel, especially if youre in a dusty warehouse. Maybe its a sign to plan something asap! With everything going on, carpe diem 
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I like this alot! Itās interestingā¦ bcuz my intention for this fast was to deepen my relationship with God and to increase self love. And honestly I think I have achieved my goal without completing my fast. Like self love is about listening to our bodies and giving our bodies what we need. To me thatās self love. And ya I ate (and ate too much)ā¦ but I really think if I got up and exercised again and ate better like u (I like the juicer idea!), then thatās what God would want for me. Not to suffer. So I appreciate ur input very much!!! U made me realize that 
thanks hugs!
I hate the ads!! I remember when even youtube was ad free to begin with 
Thankfully for this app there was a one time fee to get rid of the ads for good. Though i did not read the terms and conditions so hoping theres nothing else.
I feel so much better when I take better care of myself. I donāt know why I tried that 
Donāt worry Iāve been there before tooā¦eating way too much and it never feels good but it will pass and it sounds like you got through it okay.
We all need to do what works for us but it sounds like this did help you figure out what might work better for you which is a great thing!
The juicers can be pretty expensive but I got the cold press Ninja juicer because I think the cold press juicers a lot better and this is one of the least expensive ones. (Even though I think itās still about $150 on amazon!)
You can get less expensive centrifugal juicers I think but I just think they make the juice more foamy which I donāt really like.
It works really well for most things but it does take a bit of time if youāre doing harder vegetables like beetsā¦ Iāve kind of given up on those cuz itās way too much work 
The centrifugal juicers are usually faster but I still prefer the cold press.
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Day 9.5
I took my first Naltrexone just now. 
I canāt believe Iām finally here. Iāve been ātryingā to get to this point for a year and I finally did it! If the pills work for a week then I can take the monthly shot next Tuesday! And tonight at 1:30am will be my first solid 10 days sober since 2019. Iām pretty proud. 
I also had the energy to dye my hair and go thrift shopping and to the comic shop! Iām feeling so good!
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Day 19, the ticker will change in an hour.
Still raining. The start of a 3 day weekend.
Last night i turned the lights out at 9, and went to sleep until 6. Got up once in the middle of the night but didnt scroll until time to wake up like ive done so often.
Frustrations at work were handled and peacefully. I painted a shelf and some cupboards.
Learned ill need to move soon, and i am stressed but at peace. I have time+options and my living situation is safe.
Feeling firm in my sobriety and wishing i had done this ages ago. Things are good in my life for now and ill enjoy that. But yet, deep conflict. How to be fully honest. How to be present. What about redemption?
How to use my personal power and skill wisely and not inconsiderately.
Notes to self: Shut up and read! Make sure the common areas and litter boxes are clean and that you focus on being helpful at work. Take your time and dont take everything so personally. Pick your conflicts. Show people you care with your consistent actions and better behavior, not wallowing guilt and neediness. There is work to be done.
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I was on naltrexone for about 6 months really helps with cravings and urges,
Congrats on your 10 days
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