Day 147 much love
18 Likes
Today i wanted to eat everything. A challenging day at work, so im working slow but doing a decent job.
I am so tired. Used CBD last night. Glad i have a sandwich with lots of vegetables to finish later. Im not craving using as much as I feel weirdly loopy and out of it at work. Please tell me it gets easier.
11 Likes
So my vet and I had a pow-wow on the phone yesterday because apparently my catās account got flagged by the pharmaceutical gods. My cat is 20 years old and she has quite the little pharmacy which includes the uprising star Gabapentin on the legal watch list in general, and a little bottle with about 1/4oz of some kind of narcotic that I save in case she has a nasty fall or something, which at her age happens, then she gets it a couple of times if she seems to be doing really bad. This little bottle gets a refill once or twice a year.
So my vet and I get to jump through all the hoops to make sure my cat can keep receiving her medication because it seems excessive to someone else. While I understand the reasons and why things are the way they are, thereās also a part of me thatās pissed off that I have to deal with this type of thing again.
The cat is old. She has had an array of medical tests even in the last year and she was even hospitalized over night. If someone looked over her medical records in the last year, it would be sort of a no-brainer, and from my experience, she doesnāt even get prescribed enough of anything that would appease an addict. I know I am certainly rolling my eyes at it. But god forbid this ancient cat be given medications to improve her quality of life without there being some kind of witchhunt.
13 Likes
Checking in on the evening of Day 33.
Been struggling a bit this week as life just seems to keep throwing stuff at us. Not big stuff, just the kind that means you have to find solutions, change plans etc. And now my daughter has covid. She is fine really, just means we are now on high alert and all plans have been changed/working from home again with her watching her TV in the same room. She has something every week atm. In the last 2 weeks she has had a sprained wrist needing xrays and a splint, had an angry mystery rash in her back, and now covid 
I know I should be grateful it is only small, compared to what other parents are experiencing. My own Son was seriously ill as a toddler so I do know, but just tired and want a week without something.
But, it is Spring and the sun is shining. I get to spoil my baby girl for the next few days, and we have an enforced rest. Just need to make it fun.
I am sorry to those that are feeling similar, and congratulations to everyone on the milestones, and on staying sober when times are hard!
Sorry for offloading. I will be more positive tomorrow 
17 Likes
I do that, Google everything to see if it is a sign/connected! I had to stop as felt like I was missing the important stuff in analysing everything. I think you are much more intuitive and aware of things than me though.
2 Likes
Hey Dana
Thanks for the shout out. I hope your having a great day.
I as so tired nowā¦
4am is a little too early
5am is my usual rise time.
And yes SAIN acronym is a great tool.
One I have to use often.
I read it in a book beforeā¦but also heardā¦it yesterday in my daily meditation for my calm appā¦which is were drew reference from.
5 Likes
Day 64 AF
Iām off for the long weekend so probably wonāt be checking in over that time. Stay safe everyone and enjoy your sobriety.
16 Likes
Cool numbers friend. Congrats. Keep walking.
3 Likes
Wicked, good on yaā¦I like all days, but Day 3 would great for me.
I went and saw āTame Impalaā last night, first concert in two almost 3 years.
4 Likes
Man, I feel really angry today. I know itās likely a combination of Mars making a difficult transit to some of my natal planets, having been trying to get ahold of my catās medicine for the last few days and the sensitive spot the situation hit on, and being sleep deprived from said cat waking me throughout the night on most nights now, but knowing logically and handling the emotions are two different things.
I can usually work through it internally, but itās harder when I feel irrationally angry at everyone and everything. Iāve been known to make less than ideal choices in dips like this.
So now Iām just sitting in my car in a parking lot and letting my emotions settle a little. Looking at the mountains that just got fresh snowā¦ and the blue skyā¦
15 Likes
First time I have been to this. I think it will be a lot of fun
2 Likes
Check in
Day24
Feeling wound tighter than one of those spinning topsā¦ literally. Butā¦ im still clean and sober. Taking care of a few more tasks that I have to do before hubby gets home and then we will order pizza. I am learning that I expect WAY too much from people. I had to deal with one woman (a therapist) 3 hours ago, about a report she was writingā¦ and I told her that I disagreed with one of her observations. I spoke to her respectfully and she was obviously taken back by me saying somethingā¦ but I wanted the report to be accurate so I felt that it was important for me to mention it and ask for further testing or observations to be done. She dismissed anything I said, couldnāt care less, didnāt want to work with me on it, just brushed me off. I asked for her feedback bcuz all she was saying in a condescending voice was āya and mmhmmā. So I spoke to someone higher up than her. Told her I didnāt need her assistance and will be working a solution out elsewhere. The least she couldāve done was explain herself and suggested we work together on this to make sure the report was accurate. And she didnāt even want to do that. Iām learning that I canāt expect anything from others. But its not even like I have expectations necessarily for most thingaā¦ but I absolutely expect to be treated with respecst and not brushed off or dismissed like i was today (even more so from a professional). So I struggle with thisā¦ I should not expect things from othersā¦ but yet I feel like I should expect to be treated like a human being and with respect. So I guess I do expect stuff from others. Iām mad but I held it together when talking to herā¦ so much that I have a headache. And anger is a hard one for me to keep cool and collected about. But I knew if I lost it, she would have had all control over this situation and I would automatically be at fault. Plus Iām generally not a mean person anyway. But I hate it when I try to work together thru things and I get nothing back. Drives me insane. Againā¦ expecting something from someone. I give up in dealing with people today. Grrr
21 Likes
I SNORTED.
Listen to your bodyā¦maybe itās time to re-center, ground, take a shower?
5 Likes
Checking in sober 6 days.
9 Likes
U made me laugh 
thats what I need right nowā¦ laughter lol hope ur well girl hugs and yes a nice hot shower. Gonna relax now for abit too. Listen to some music I think on insight timer. Or nature sounds. N do my paint by number in my phone.
4 Likes
Some days the only thing I accomplish is being soberā¦ today is one of those days
13 Likes
And thats honestly okay my friendā¦ staying sober is hard enough somedays. Proud of u 
3 Likes
Checking in
Day24
So glad for fresh sheets, relaxing music, hot showers, and distracting hobbies. My evening has been nice. The day over all was pretty good, but exhausting. Trying not to act out in old behaviors. I truly am trying to be a better person. The serenity prayer is always good to say. But today I mustāve repeated: Be kind, gentle, patient, and show love to allā¦ like 5 or 6x. Itās just amazing how little patience I haveā¦ yet where I am rushing to?! I donāt have to rush and I donāt need to be impatientā¦ so why am i so damn impatient? Idk. I need to SLOW down lol and enjoy life. Hope everyone had an addiction free day today!
16 Likes