Omg mark… no I don’t think so, truly. But I mean that’s very insightful of u to think about as that didn’t even click with me lol. But I tend to have strange weird dreams about him. I honestly dont think what we talked about the other day triggered anything. No need to apologize 
but truly thank u for ur kindness! I’m so sorry about ur slip tho 
it’s amazing what things can lead us into a dark state of mind eh? Addiction is soo sneaky with how it tries to claw its way into our lives 
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Day 20. Uffff, it’s very little amount of numbers but I feel I have been struggling all the time today. this new period of 20 days had been hard last times when I relapsed
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Checking in. Wednesday the 13th I arrived home from vacation & the next morning was super sick, I have been sober since. So I’m getting close to two weeks and that’s great. I didn’t set my timer or anything because I wasn’t necessarily “planning” to do this. I mean I’m always planning on it but usually just lying to myself. I for sure have been having cravings, at the weirdest times, but not worth it. I’m so far now I don’t want to ruin it or start over AGAIN, I don’t want to detox or be shaky in the mornings. So here I am 
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Hahaha, yes I have been google translating. The “egg top splitter” was AMAZING!
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Checking in
Day 70
Even tho my day started out weird, its turned out to be half decent I got a cake order today thats due Friday, so that’s fun! I won’t show a picture of what they asked me to do, but it’s a risqué cake. Never done one before so hoping it turns out. Seems easy to do but I am able to try out a few new cake techniques that I’ve been wanting to do. In this instance homemade edible cake lace. So im actually exicted to try some new techniques out. Went out and did some shopping for that. Came home to eat supper and now relaxing. I’m definitly having a bath tonight to relax. Needing a good sleep also that’s for sure. Hope everyone’s day has been decent!
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Day 635
I had a tough weekend. I was very triggered and said some things I regret — but I am still sober and would have even more to regret if I had decided to drink. I avoided staying at the cabin for so many months at the start of my sobriety to not have to face the situations I ended up in this weekend. I am strong enough to handle them now 
but definitely is something I would rather continue to avoid as much as possible.
Also biking 60+ miles round trip through muddy gravel roads with a torn meniscus was not my smartest move. Lots of rest needed now and have been taking it easy today.
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Hello one and all,
Checking in on day 58.
I’ve to go to the GP again for another blood sample. My body doesn’t seem to like it, how I’ve treated him for a long time.
I hope everyone got in this Week with a good start!
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Glad you’re okay! It is strange how the smallest things can tip the balance. I almost grabbed some beer tonight, but I remembered I have an abdominal ultrasound tomorrow morning, and I don’t want to mess up the results. My weekend splurge may have already changed it. 
Hope you’re having a great sober evening!
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Tonight is supposed to be say 55 of no self harm.
I dunno if I can do it. I don’t even know what’s wrong I just feel horrible and my anxiety levels keep rising. I don’t have a discernible reason for it. I’m just a ball of anxious energy and I can’t get it out of my system at all. Doesn’t help that in my photo memories a lot of old screenshots from a very very dark time in my life (2020) that I went into a brief psychosis. That has not helped. I’m trying to keep busy. I don’t know if I’ll have anyone to talk to tonight. But I’m gonna try to be ok
Update: I made it to day 55
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There’s always someone here to talk to. Feel free to send me a message if you need to talk! 
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Hey I’m sorry to hear ur really struggling tonight. Have u ever tried any grounding techniques to help u stay in the present moment? Or any deep breathing? My fav technique is the 5 senses grounding technique. It works pretty good. I can explain it to u if u want.
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I know of it trying my best to keep grounded, ik definitely gonna be working on it tonight. For now I’m watching a movie so I’m ok but I’m gonna have to stay grounded for sure
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I often go on insight timer which is a free app. And I listen to these beautiful mantras and chants about feeling safe and being healed. They are quite nice. They have nature sounds on there too which help me.
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It’s a pretty popular technique I feel. I had a feeling u would probably know of it what movie are u watching?
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I’ll try that app too. Spiderman no way home. Finally getting to see it
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Oh I’ve never seen it! I actually want to see that new Sonic movie too!
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I haven’t been to the movies in so long. Really liking Spiderman. Was sonic any good?
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Day 110 AF
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I haven’t seen it yet. It came out early April. We don’t tend to go to the theaters either lol it’s too expensive in my opinion. We just wait for then to come our on Netflix or something
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Aaah I see. Yeah I rarely went even before the pandemic. I actually don’t think I’ve been in a movie theater since 2018
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