@ShesGotMoxie Condolences to you and your family Carolyn
@michaeljlogan74 good on you for your honesty. Onwards and upwards.
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Day 29- has been trying but much easier to manage with a clear mind. Our application to buy another home has had small set backs. Itās drawing out the process which is making me super anxious but Iām not numbing it, just sitting with the feelings. Took my son for an X-ray today, had to call in sick for work as he had a fall off of his bike, little things all adding bits of pressure to the day.
Made it through sober and proud of myself 
Reading through all your comments, yāall are great and I appreciate you all.
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Just noticed that you have a new profile picture-LOVE your new look!!!
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Those first few days can be that way. Keep it up. Youāre doing great!
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Day 2. The journey started again I lost some friends and I gain some merciful ones. We losers mantain very few friends but good ones
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Please donāt let this false self-image rule your life. I know it and it certainly doesnāt help. Not even in a funny way of thinking.
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Oh those thoughts can be tough. I did that too for years I thought I could be āin controlā and I would manage for a short time and I always ended up in the same place. And I would go dry for months then try again. It wasnāt until I admitted I was an alcoholic and no alcohol was the best choice for me that life started looking up. I still wonder sometimes. But ultimately I always decide maybe isnāt enough to risk ending up back where I was.
Have a great day.
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Hehe thanks Michael, itās been a really nice change. Making way for new growth 
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oooh thatās heavy. I hope you can keep it up. Canāt you get another job? I send you a lot of strength for the coming timeš·
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27 days AFā¦hate my job and no one seems to be listeningā¦
Hope everyone is going strong 
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Morning friends! Waking up to the start of day 5, yesterday had some very trying moments but I made it so I am grateful for that. Have a great day everyone!!
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Day 477
Sooā¦ Itās been chaotic. Dealing with alot of things on the emotional end of my life. Choicesā¦ So many decisions to be madeā¦
Iām exhausted. I know Iām working too much but Iām not sure what the alternative is. My daughter didnāt have a great birthday yesterday. She was quite disappointed. I feel like Iām failing them daily.
āAnd all the while I feel like Iām standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks upā
I feel isolated And lonely dailyā¦ But lonely is better than toxic. Seems to be my only 2 options lately. And the few relationships I do have Iām still deciding if they land in the toxic category.
Iāll get through it. I always doā¦
Anyways. Hope everyone has a great day.
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Day 88 AF
Day 1 PMO free. Letās tackle that beast too while Iām at it. 
Good day everyone 
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Hello everyone, checking in on the morning of day 3. Still super tired and I feel constantly thirsty. It really is amazing what alcohol can do to your body when you ingest enough of it. Feeling slightly sick today too, but I can get in a half day today and try to relax and get my mind right. Try to get handle a lot of these anxious and depressing thoughts going on in my mind.
I got myself a doctorās appointment for tomorrow. First time seeing a doctor in years. Iām almost afraid of what he is going to say about how Iāve been taking ācareā of myself. Despite being afraid I know I still need to be honest with him. Iām trying to see this as another step in the right direction to getting a better me.
@JennyH I thought that way to for a little while. It would always be ok for a couple days, but it would quickly get back into old habits. Iāve learned it is all or nothing with this.
@Here.I.am congrats on making it back to here!
Have an amazing and sober free day today!
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Checking in at day 239.
And another milestone reached because today I stopped smoking for 3 months. Looking back, quitting smoking was not difficult for me. I first started to reduce like a quarter of what I was used to smoked for 5 days. Then my pack of cigarettes ran out and I just didnāt buy another one. I also had no problem with others smoking around me, I even thought it smelled bad at one point. Until recently I saw a client smoke a few times a day and I thought well, 1 smoke canāt hurt. But it was dirty, started coughing and my throat hurt. But afterwards I caught myself what the heck the thoughts before my former relapsing was exactly the same. The thought of 1 canāt hurt. Just head in the sand, I knew the consequences so well and still do it. Fortunately, I havenāt had that thought with substances yet this period of being clean. But still thatās one of the addictive things. I am so glad that it was now a cigarette and that I am now aware of my train of thought. And luckily, I found the cigarette really gross. So I wonāt try again anytime soon.
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Iām sorry youāre going through such a rough time right now. But you will get through it. Youāre such a good person and you try so hard and Iām sure youāll get something nice in return in the end. You certainly havenāt failed even though it may feel that way. This too shall passš
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Hey all, checking in on day 683. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Good morning everyone. Checking in day 251. Believe I missed a day. Pains kinda taken over at this point. Sleep and eat when I can. Couple more days until the docs! Hope everyone is doing well and take care.
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"Technically, a prosecutor can explain it as rapeā
For the non-Dutchies over here, meet Johan Derksen. Football-fossil, prehistoric dinosaur and national disgrace 20th and 21st century. And the carnation of problem movements like āme tooā adressed.
No Johan, it was not okay back then. It isnāt now either, and never will be. To her it was the same as it would have been to you, waking up with that candle up your ass. Although I seriously think you know exactly how that feels, for your homophobic crap must have a reason I donāt want to know the details about.
You see Johan, itās not the problem that times have changed. The problem is men like you havenāt.
The only thing time apparently changed, is that we have gotten to the point where you actually need to be told this is not okay. Apparently without people telling you, it just doesnāt seem to get into that wrinkled and dusted brains of you.
And you know Johan, the simple fact that you donāt see any reason to apologize, is exactly whatās wrong with people like you. Standards you once believed in, have become carved in stone. In your case thatās handy, because in that stone plate in front of your head was plenty space to do so. And you see no reason to ever start doubting them, because without them you are nĆ³thing.
Pricks like you Johan, are not the victims of changed times, but the main cause that it finally gets adressed. Pricks like you, are the reason so many women feel unsafe and so many men are growing up getting that macho bullshit of you shoved down their throat to choke on.
And you know Johan, what bugs me most ?
That I still seem to be affected by that same macho crap fed to me in my childhood by dinosaurs like you. I still feel insecure because in so many ways, I never fitted into what a man was supposed to be like. Iām no hunter. Iām not ready at the snap of a finger. I canāt go on all night, 10 times in a row. And I donāt wĆ”nt to fit that description either.
Because you know, Iāve come to realise 9 out of 10 donāt fit that description. And the 1 that really believes he does, the guys like you, are the ones to be pitied. Not me.
Yet you just made me realise that as long as I am still overthinking this, in a way I still try to be approved by other men, still making me feel insecure as if I were less man than they are.
And in your opinion Johan, I probably Ɣm less of a man than you are.
And I honestly couldnāt care less.
You know why ? Because I am aware I am far more human than you have ever been and will ever be.
But thank you Johan, for pointing out to me that I just better simply let go all this male macho peacocking behaviour and be myself.
Iām born male, and identify with the male gender. But I donāt identify with the male caricature you believe in. Never did, never will.
Ah, sometimes it feels good to get irritations of your chest 
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Thank you 
itās just hard sometimes.
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