Sending strength 
. Waiting to hear about the flat must be stressful.
@Butterflymoonwoman It will be a basic sponge, but my motherās recipe 4oz each of flour, sugar, butter and two eggs. Very nostalgic for me. I will put up a pic.
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Iām glad your here and youāve been honest about your reset. Please try to treat yourself how you would treat others. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You can get right back up. 
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Oh Iām so sorry. This sounds like a real struggle. Itās hard not to feel valued or appreciate.
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Day 5
Feeling a little deflated today but Iām still sober so Iāll chalk it up as a win
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1055
Coffee. Out of bed early, feeling a bit anxious. Itās a busy day off, I got to take Luna to the vet, thereās a couple of things not totally good with her health, old lady she is by now. Followed by my last group schema therapy session after 19 months and 60 sessions. Glad itās over and done. I learned and I grew and now itās time to move on. Still it will be hard saying goodbye. Weāll have sort of a farewell party. It will be fun.
It would never been possible hadnāt I been sober and clean. I am a bit worried about a couple of the other group members who have frequent relapses in smoking pot. No growth while under the influence. But itās their lives. Iām living mine. Finally.
A nuance to what I said yesterday about breaking up with my bestie: Iām not 100% sure weāre broke up forever, but it certainly feels that way, and more so then ever before. And also, for the very first time, Iām thinking maybe itās for the best. I love her and she loves me I think. But we hurt each other too often.
Anyway, have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Just for today. Love from Amsterdam, where this is one view I will miss when I leave my job for 8 years in a few weeks.
@anon9289869 Sorry Jess. Understaffed and undervalued sucks. There are alternatives to what you are doing now. Iām sure of that. Hugs.
@Ooooops Good days and bad ones Byron. The good ones are easy. All the better for making it through the bad ones sober too! Congrats!
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Iām sorry u had a slip my friend. Uv been going thru alot lately and I have seen the huge amount effort uv been putting into ur recovery. Not all is lost tho. Ur timer reset but everything uv learned is still with u. Take this knowledge and add to it! This is a little setback in the grand scheme of things and I know that u can get back up and continue on!
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Day 1271 and day 3 no caffeine about to start.
I feel better, the general weakness became cold like symptoms. Sugar is also better which is always a good indicator.
Whatever caffeine withdrawals I can still get I will blame covid which is very good. 
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Morning all, checking in on Day 20. I think I have been really confused lately, not wanting to admit even to myself, that I might be thinking about moderating. If it wasnāt for this place I think I would have already gone down that path.
I had the drinks on holiday and have recovered from it well, almost like a ānormalā drinker, and it has had me thinking maybe I have cracked it. But I know really that isnāt true. I think about it far too much. I am currently relieved that there are no big events coming up as I donāt want to drink, so surely that means I am not OK?
I am glad I have had this though as feel it is probably part of the journey. By the end of today I know exactly where I will be, sitting on the sofa in my pjs, reading a book with a nice herbal tea celebrating the end of my working week and 20 days 
Canāt wait!
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Day 1
Been back in the USA almost one year. Will be a year end of May. Where does time go?? Iāll make this as short as I can. First few months here I was fine well and sober. Son had/had mental health issues and ended up in a treatment center 4 months. Iāve been in therapy. Healing. Kids and I are finally settling in and doing better. Met a nice guy. Taking that slow. Son doing better. Getting used to NY again. Working part time. Life is OK.
Then last month or so thought I could moderate. Well. Iāve been in AA for years (yaāll know I helped set up AA in Laos where I lived for 13 years) so yeahā¦ moderate. What a joke. Here I am at 3am writing itās Day 1 again.
Day 1. Hi, Iām Kelly. Iām an alcoholic.
PS. If anyone wants to DM me a link to an online meeting Iād be grateful. @SinceIAwoke do you know any? The next in person one in my area isnāt until Monday. I need to start tomorrow. Get back on that horse. Step 1. It works if you work it.
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There you are Kelly. Welcome back. Itās good to see you whatever the circumstances although itās best to see you sober. Back to business! Hereās a good resource for online meetings:
https://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/list
Wishing you all success always. Hugs.
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Thanks so much Mno ā¦ yeah had to come back to this forum. Itās helped me so much over the years. Thank you for the link. Funny how coming back to an online forum can be so comfortingā¦ thanks again.
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You know, these thoughts will keep coming up at certain times in our sober lives. Just as long as we know itās all lies our addict self is trying to sell to us weāll be good. As long as we keep our sober toolbox full weāll be alright. As long as we stay in contact with our sober fellows weāll do ourselves right. Sober. Because itās the only way for us. Iāve never read about anybody trying to moderate after a period of abstinence and succeeding. Never. Having to think about it means we canāt. Glad youāre here with us Jenny.
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Day 16 
have a good day everyone
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My first thought was that I can somehow understand. Itās not what I want to anymore. That ship has sailed long time ago. I donāt want to control my drinking anymore. I failed all the time. I think there are people where moderation is working but whatās the price. Why do you want to drink, drink in moderation? What do you expect from this? Company? Being part of something? Being accepted? Thatās what comes up to me in a social context. Then there is logging off from the current problems on a personal side. Being more funny, more socialā¦
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Thank you @Mno and @anon74766472 You are both so right and I am so glad I shared.
The strange thing is that I donāt even know why I would want to moderate. I have ruled out drinking at home as that is an obvious slippery slope, but drinking out actually scares me now as I like being in control too much. The home drinking to relax is my favourite and I know that I canāt manage that. If I did one night I would want to do the next. Then I would be thinking about it all the time and having to resist even more.
Thanks again, this place is an amazing resource.
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That, in my honest opinion, is the problem with moderating.
It only makes us spend more time thinking about using. And even Ćf we manage to use less, if it results in more time thinking about it, in the end of the day we win nothing with it.
What we feed, grows. So thinking about when we can take a next one, only grows our dependency on it.
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Welcome back 
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Good morning! It is day 37, no migraine, finally! And I have energy but not like I did when I first quit drinking, and I miss that energy. I also finally broke a 12 day weight loss plateau that was really beginning to piss me off!
I have noticed that I am much more anxious over my health and the functioning of my body and whether Iām getting all the nutrients I need now that I am sober. Has anyone else gone through this?
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I like finding meetings on here. It tells u the different types.
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Thank you! That is perfect
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