On my zoom aa meeting last night, a few people were describing their rough time recently. I shared last, and felt a bit awkward as actually things have been going pretty well. I have had social and work interactions that I was just present in, not criticizing from a third person perspective. I have been good at doing chores in a good frame of mind. I have been keeping up with things that make me fulfilled. I have been eating fairly mindfully, and while very slow indeed, I am losing weight. It is not perfect, my son just had a meltdown this morning, and my daughter had attitude too, but I am getting stuff done.
Tis the evening before achieving 27 months drug & alcohol free! This week has been another battle with self, but things are looking up! Iāll be starting a much needed job tomorrow that requires driving which Iāve been pursuing for a while but has had difficulty getting positions because of a speeding ticket and short suspension last year. Iām just hoping Iāll be able to perform successfully as I injured my knee 4 weeks ago and havenāt quite made a full recovery.
Regardless of whatever, Iāve got to grind it out! My conditions in life arenāt favorable to rest which Iāve been defaulting to for most of it; everything gets behind, bad habits fester. My wants outweight my needs 10-1.
Tomorrow begins a new chapter in Josephās journey to kill comfort!! I hope everyone had a decent weekend!
Hey everyone checking in day two. Two sick girls with fevers, cool baths for them and lots of cuddles hit them with some children Tylenol as well. Grateful to be here sober taking care of them. Much love tomorrow looking forward to a meeting. Havenāt had a chance yet to find any therapist but I will
Cravings! Mostly out of boredom, I think. Watching my roommates drink all weekend got me a little jealous but I have to remind myself, Iām committed to sobriety now. I took the Vivitrol shot, so thereās no going back! Even if I drink it wonāt do what I want, I have to keep repeating that. Iāve been keeping busy with packing at least, hopefully my roommates close on their house soon and we can all move in soon! Moving is another trigger of course lol but Iām working thru it. Lots of Red Dead Redemption 2 to keep my mind off of the cravings/deadlines!! I packed up all my GameCube games and DVD collection so now Iām feeling a little blah not being surrounded by my fav things ahah. Sorry this is rambly!
Have a good Sunday evening yall!
Thank-you Stella. I just hit 40 in sept and its like im learning life all over again. I had been addicted for so long that its all iv known for pretty much my entire live. Im almost hitting 900 days from being free from other substances and I feel a lot better and my body thanks me. Life is one giant puzzle especially when you havent really learned how to live, and trying to fit all the pieces in has its moments. Im determined now more than ever that this is the way im wanting to stay for myself and my kids. They deserve a great life and so do Iāŗ so for now i soul search myself and learn who i really am meant to be.
I feel this, I turned 38 in rehab and my life turned upside down,
And it has been like starting all over again, new job friends, what do I wanna be when I grow up, it just keeps adding up like whoa I missed out on so much, now Iām getting a chance to experience it
Absolutely right up that alley. After i stopped being in the āin crowdā i cant say i was surprised with how many just vanished which is the best thing they could have done. You learn basically how to walk, talk and experience things all on your own which is very scary because i dont know about anyone else, but i felt very alone in the world. I have felt for the longest time that no one will understand why i was the way i was but, now that i have been sober, that wasnt really me. There is so potential out there for everyone we all just need to grab its hand and shake it
Checking in Day 55
Really having an emotional night. Just thot id check in before I eat something, shower, n head to bed. I donāt know exactly what caused my bad mood. I did take it out and fucking exploded pretty much on my hubby over something so stupid when I think back. I was tho at the dollarstore after work and I saw someone who triggered the hell out of me. He opened the door for me and it looked like my abusive ex, same walk, muscular build, 6ā2" or so, same manurisms, same similar look, same age as him Id say. It freaked me out! It wasnāt him obviously cuz im like 1300 miles away from back home. But maybe that subconsciously impacted me enough (without me knowing it). Maybe it put me in a bad mood, even tho I wasnāt in a bad mood right afterwards. Idfk. Anyway, Iām feeling pretty off and alone and I just needed to reach out I guess to u all. Hope u all are okay too
Itās 2pm where I am, raining and I have to work at 5pm, but that wonāt stop me , plan after posting this:
Eat something healthy; go for a jog; at least find- if not book a boat license course if still timely possibleā¦ And just be myself as mindfully as I canā¦! Grateful to be alive!
1038
Coffee. I took tomorrow off so this is my last work day for almost two weeks yay! My cold is still with me but maybe Iām feeling a little bit better this morning. These covid self tests donāt get any nicer, also not when you do them every morning. At least until now they all came back negative. So off I go. One day at a time. Sober and clean.
Have as good a week as you can friends. Make it sober and clean for itās the only way for us. Love form Amsterdam where I hope the day wonāt be as dramatic as dawn just was.
Checking in 2 years 14 weeks
AF Sober as Fuck.
Not a hangover in sight.
Got a shit load of stuff going on. Some of its pretty stressful. But drinking to celebrate or to get over it wonāt help.
Urges and cravings to drink or use will never last as long as regrets. Itās easier to stay sober than to get sober. Donāt give up!!!
Day 100!!! I must admit that day 99 was a challenge as I was at a football game where everyone was hammered in the pubs (typical English football away day) but I stayed strong and can be proud Iām here on day 100. Have a great day everyone!
, plan after posting this:
