Checking in…
Substance free for 837 days
Self injury free for 355 days
This recent medical diagnosis threw me into a mental spiral that headed south quickly yesterday. It wasn’t that I have lost hope, it’s that my parents reaction has brought up alot of memories and feelings about my life. I ended up sitting in my livingroom for long periods yesterday stuck in memories of familiar feelings. Feelings of being alone, of being afraid, of being unsupported by the people who always claim to have my back. I felt hesitant to even share the news with them… I “forced” myself to tell them. My dad definitely took it better than my mom, my mom shut down completely and stuck her head in the sand like she usually does. If she can’t see it, it’s not there.
I am an only child who was moved around constantly so never was able to make solid friendships. Then on top of it I have parents, who when times got tough were emotionally unavailable. I had no choice but to face life and all its bullshit on my own. Today I don’t have to do that, today I work a program of recovery and I have a recovery family that love me and understand me. I don’t ever have to face anything alone again and I can’t tell you what a fucking relief that is.
Good morning everyone. Checking in on day 237 AF. Been a lot of rainy days but made the most of the sunshine breaks. Tomorrow is looking really good weather wise so won’t have my phone within a 100 yards of me at any time and will be on the river! Really excited about it which is unusual, havent found much besides adrenaline that has got me excited since I’ve been sober, and believe this in itself is a form of meditation, walking a river fly fishing for 8 hours will calm anyone. Hope everyone has a good day. Take care and stay safe.
Hey, I managed to miss your diagnosis with my foggy covid brain. I hope you are OK. Sounds so hard dealing with all of that on top of a diagnosis. Sending you strength, and hope you have a peaceful and restful one.
Hello I want to check in and say hi it’s been two years since I’ve been on here. But the whole two years I have still been clean for the most part. I’ve actually been clean for a year and 8 months I relapsed a couple times b4 that but if I didn’t I would have been clean for almost 3 years now but it’s all good. I’m just happy I’m still alive
Coziness.
On my way back from the gym I suddenly realised that’s what I missed in the house we lived in for the last few years. It’s strange, how “bigger, more classy and stylish” took over.
But what’s more strange, is the simple fact that apparently I dó have taste of my own. May sound stupid, but last years I simply thought I didn’t really have one.
But a big TV screen, a big house, stylish furniture, modern looks, it’s just not me. A big house in the so-called “better part of town”, it’s just not me.
Looking around at my own appartment, I realise this ís me - and always has been me.
Flowers, light and soft colours, candles, incense. Bird houses and insect hotels in the garden. A cheap small beach umbrella instead of a big bracketed one.
It’s funny to realise I’m still happy as a little boy in a candy store, when buying two insect hotels and two bird housings. I’ll be watching butterflies and honeybees this summer… sober.
I really hope ur okay my beautiful friend Whatever the exact diagnosis was (I believe it had something to do with a urology diagnosis?), I hope that it is “fixable”. It sounds devastating and overwhelming but at the same time I feel like u are completely at a place to look at things in a whole diff light, whereas before u probably would’ve used and drank (which wouldn’t even get rid of the problem but only make things worse). U have had to grow up soo fast and do it on ur own and I feel like the inner work u do today and the self love u show to urself, are things that u are giving urself now as an adult, that maybe u didn’t get as a child. I hope and pray that ur okay. Even tho we are provinces apart, if u need anything from me that I can give, plz let me know! Huge HUGE hugs!!!
Hi all, so good to see everyone here & read about the growth (challenges and victories, it’s all growth) that everyone is doing. Thank you TS fam for being courageous and sharing
Having a bit of a harder day right now. I got written up at work yesterday, for a combination of reasons, the core of which is about my time management and reporting. That was hard news to take - I tend to take feedback personally; I’m working on that - and it has bummed me out, last night and today.
I am feeling discouraged, and a little self-doubtful. I am working on a new project, an entrepreneurship project, and while I’m confident I can do it, at the same time when I hear feedback like that I think to myself, ‘If you aren’t doing it here then what makes you think you can do it for yourself?’
But there’s another side of me that says, you are working on it, you are working on the mindfulness and self-management to move forward on your priorities, and you have been making progress on priorities for the last couple of months - steady progress in fact. (It so happens that those priorities are not my current company’s priorities, which is part of the reason for the write-up.)
I feel out of alignment. I feel I need a professional change. I will have one soon, within the next few weeks, but in the meantime I’m riding this weird wave of combination-doubt-and-discouragement-but-trying-to-keep-a-mindful-perspective.
I needed to share here. It helps. I’m grateful for this group. I have a space where I can share and be heard - and that is the thing that keeps me going.
Thinking of you guys. Rooting for you. Keep walking, one step at a time, and keep reaching out. You will always find what you need. We will always find what we need.
Thanks Mel! I appreciate it. I draw inspiration from entrepreneurs like you in going after my dream. It’s intimidating but also it strengthens us, I think. It’s a challenge that pushes us to be our best selves.
Checking in on day 165!
I haven’t checked in very often in this thread lately, but I’m still on the sober path, and reading on the forum every day! More convinced than ever!
Next milestone; 6 months!
Day 103 nearly done, had a busy day all round today but still managed to push myself to my first 10k run tonight exercise really helping to keep me on track, loving it too!
Day 624
It’s cold and snowing here again. My brain can’t handle it anymore. Work is killing me today. I could really use a hot shower & a good cry at this point.
It’s hard to let go of those memories of feelings. I’m glad you don’t have to feel that way anymore. I’m glad you have found support and love. You deserve it❤️
Thinking of you too. Sorry you’re having a difficult time. It’s hard to ride the wave sometimes, but I believe good things will happen for you. Sending positive vibes your way.
Checking in- Day 32
Had a good morning and beginning of my day. Work is extremely stressful, but I am making improvements in my life. Through prayer and faith, I believe I’ll have a new job in 100 days. I can feel it! I know God is working behind the scenes and people are rooting for me. I don’t know what job or the location, but I know I will have a new job in 100 days. This is a testament of my faith….I need a change. People are not supposed to live like this…rotting inside, anxiety attacks and extreme depression. I must rely on my faith to catapult me into a new stage of life!
Going to watch an episode of “Inventing Anna” on Netflix and eat some ice cream.
Whatever the exact diagnosis was (I believe it had something to do with a urology diagnosis?), I hope that it is “fixable”. It sounds devastating and overwhelming but at the same time I feel like u are completely at a place to look at things in a whole diff light, whereas before u probably would’ve used and drank (which wouldn’t even get rid of the problem but only make things worse). U have had to grow up soo fast and do it on ur own 
and I feel like the inner work u do today and the self love u show to urself, are things that u are giving urself now as an adult, that maybe u didn’t get as a child. I hope and pray that ur okay. Even tho we are provinces apart, if u need anything from me that I can give, plz let me know! Huge HUGE hugs!!!
