@Matt - Don’t let the write up get you down. Stay in communication with your supervisor and ask for feedback on your progress after 30 days. Your supervisor will appreciate that you are taking responsibility and action to improve.
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Thx @Miranda I appreciate it 
Thx @michaeljlogan74 you’re right - after all if they thought I couldn’t do it, they wouldn’t bother with the feedback right? I’ve been processing this today (which has been helped by support and feedback here, and from my recovery coach), and I’m feeling more and more that it is a learning experience. 
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@Its_me_Stella Big hugs. Parents don’t always deal well, unfortunately. I am glad u feel understood in other places.
@Matt Glad u could share here. Time management and reporting, sounds like nitty-gritty things, that are easily fixed, if you want. I have similar things at work, not about things regarding the students, but admin things I miss or do late. And good luck for your new project!
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Thanks Fleur! You’re right, these things are measurable and therefore very fixable. Deeper than that is whatever avoidance / aversion thing is tripping me up getting started on them, but I’ve scheduled that in for my next appointment with my therapist; we’ll dig into it a bit
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Tonight is day 44 of no self harm.
I feel better than yesterday. Had therapy today. Was dreading it but it was nice to finally get things off my chest without having to explain all the prior context since I’ve been seeing this therapist for years. So she’s all caught up.
Playing games with some old friends tonight. The two of them have been friends of mine for around 5 years or so now, but we don’t get to talk often anymore since one went out of state for college and the other works a lot with his family business. But everytime we talk or hang out it’s like there’s been no space between us at all. We don’t often talk about anything serious, but we have on occasion so I know that they’re both here for me.
Feeling a bit rough physically but that’s mostly because of the lack of food lately. My grandpa is taking me out to lunch Saturday and my goal is to eat a full meal with him.
I hope you all are well. I’m so proud of everybody here.
Mood Update: heading to bed, just got finished hanging out with my friends. I feel so grateful for them. But at the same time whenever I leave the call it’s just this crushing weight of realizing where I am. I’m in the same home that I’ve been in abused in and I’m with the same people who I know will not hesitate to be abusive again. I just can’t wait to be on my own
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I am so proud of you Stella. I know how horrible it feels with those kind of parents. You’re never alone anymore and you’ve made so much progress. Whatever your medical diagnosis, you’re going to get through this. You’ve pushed through so much already. Sending much love
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Checking in day 105.
Having REAL trouble with fear, anxiety, and feeling like I’m being betrayed (loss of control). I know control is an illusion, but DAMN if my heart didn’t just jump back into fight or flight, and my brain right back to its hypervigilance (checking everything).
Can someone help with some generalized perspective for me? Attitude shift help? Anything… I’m so distracted/scattered and my heart is just racing.
IWNDWYT
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If you all havent been told your amazing, beautiful, awesome people you all are…well…you all have just been told:blush: Stay strong, stay well and always remember you are never alone. Remember to take a moment for yourself to breathe and always remember to live, love and laugh. Smiles are contagious!!! 
We are blessed and finding our way with each other. We all may not be binded through a bloodline but we all have a connection. Its what truly makes us unique. See you all tomorrow ! Stay sober strong:heart:
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Hey guys- checking in with 16 days here. They are feeling a little easier as the days pass. It’s Good Friday here, Easter weekend around the corner.
I live on the west coast of Australia and it’s very much a big binge drinking/seafood eating culture here, especially on these Easter long weekends and public holidays.
I’ve prepared myself with some nice non alcoholic drinks, some nice hobbies and plans with the family so I don’t feel too left out of the good times/celebrations happening.
Looking forward to actually recharging for my time off, instead of running myself into the ground with alcohol over my break. I know it’s only been 16 days, but holy cow am I saving money.
Only good things to come. Big love to you all on your sober journeys, thanks for listening x I appreciate you all sm 
Edit- NO ONE ELSE HAS BID ON THE HOUSE IVE BID ON- AND ITS THE HOUSE OF OUR DREAMS! Cross your fingers for us guys!
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Congrats on 16 days! Sounds like your treating yourself to an amazing weekend which you completely deserve. Job well done!
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Check in
Day 59
Day has been decent but sort of blah. Hubby got home from work at about 130pm. In this past, this would’ve been a perfect scenario for using. I was definitely preparing myself beforehand for sure. Hubby was in a good mood getting home tho. We are both excited for his bday. We both ended up having a nap and then got up and ate fast food for supper. Definitely not the healthiest option but not gonna beat myself up over it 
Relaxed watching a TV series. Hubby is relaxing doing his thing now and I’m just chillin myself. Grateful to have gotten thru this day clean and sober. I feel safer now with myself in knowing it won’t be brought up tonight. I decided that i will have a really nice warm bath later with bath salts and lavender essential oil, candles lit, and soothing music playing. Can’t effin wait! Haven’t had a relaxing bath on quite a long time. Hope everyone is doing ok today! Will continue reading now and getting caught up!
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I’m so happy to hear that not only did the interview go well, but you got the job you were after! Congratulations! That’s fantastic!
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Checking in on day 307, just catching up here. Holy cow it has been a busy week. Hoping tomorrow is a bit calmer. Have a good night/day wherever you are!
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Hello guys,
Just checking in after a quite short night.
I wish everyone a good start into the day or night, what ever timezone you are!
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Honestly I didn’t think i was gonna make it through tonight. I was feeling soooooo depressed about not having a drink…I thought I was gonna cave. I cried a few tears. I talked to my husband. I’m thankful he didn’t offer to go to the liquor store like he would have before. He just told me “I know it must be hard, but you can do it”. I’m so grateful for that. Even though he’s still drinking everyday he’s really trying to support me. He’s listening when I tell him I honestly can’t talk to him if he’s going to be slurring his words…so we sit quietly together. I still feel like he’s choosing alcohol over our relationship, but I know that’s really not true. He’s just stuck on his own addiction. I’m happy he can still be there for me the best he can. I’m so proud of myself for making it through tonight.
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Fingers crossed!
You’re doing so well Miranda. I’m glad you shared here. It can be real difficult with a spouse that drinks. I’m glad he can support you too. Even though my wife drinks. She does support my sobriety. It can be very difficult though when they’ve had too much though. I just know how import my sobriety is for me. And I try to focus on that.
And the depression too. Every so often I’d get so depressed. Luckily I could just sit in it a feel it. It didn’t feel good. But eventually it went a way. Sometimes it took a few days. If I hit the pillow sober. It was a successful day. Keep checking in. It always helps me.
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Thank you Eric. You have helped me so much😊
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1042
Gotta hurry a little bit. Got a plane to catch. Flying to Prague for a week of discovering and hiking. Will keep you posted I think. I’m pretty sure I will.
For the first time I remember I had a dream involving alcohol in which I didn’t drink. I sat down outside a bar in a foreign city to watch a cycling race. Next to me some of my old drinking buddies where having their beers. As I looked at the table there was a small beer in front of me. I said I’m not going to have that. One of my old buddies apologized and said the bartender just put it there for you. He doesn’t know you don’t drink, and proceeded to drink it himself. End of dream.
Feeling good. Hope you are too friends, or at least as good as you all can. Let’s stay sober and clean today or nothing will come of it. Love from Amsterdam.
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I wish you a good flight Menno! Did your job application went well?
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