Glad to see you back posting @Scrammbles. Stay strong!
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Interviewing is such a process. I totally understand what you are going through. I too am looking for a new job and Iām pretty anxious about it. Nonetheless, letās keep one another in our thoughts as we go through this process. Happy to hear that you stated that you were interested in the job. Good luck!
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Love it! 
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Thank you so much! 
Day 35
Last night I was craving because of pain - a pinched nerve - so I went to bed early. I dreamt about getting wasted again. 
Ive had terrible nightmares my whole life so this was something I was just waiting for, sadly. I spent almost a decade taking Seroquel which messed up my sleep so bad. Basically I have recurring nightmares, but theyāre not just recurring. Itās like living a whole entire other life. If I wake up in real life when in my dream itās noon on Saturday - then the next time I fall asleep and visit this world it will still be noon on Saturday there. I have weekly plans on my calendar there. I have memorized the entire map of the āworldā in my dreams. From my āchildhood placesā (in a fake world ā¦) to regular chain store malls. Bookstores, houses, parks. Iāve lived years there. I have another life, other friends, other places I hang out. Strangers in real life but I see them every time I visit this dream world. š„² Iāve read about others experiencing the same thing. Thankfully I quit taking Seroquel but sometimes I still visit that world, and there I am an alcoholic still. Itās so confusing. I took Prazosin to try and rid myself of all dreams but it stopped working. I woke up in a panic thinking I gave it all up!! Iām so glad it was just nightmare me ā¦ anyway. Before last night, I was thinking how I noticed Iām not thinking about alcohol nearly as much on this Vivitrol shot! I read about people not thinking about it as much, but thought surely not? I figured it would help physically but mentally Iād be on my own as usual. But it actually is working lol, itās so wild! Something works on my messed up head!! 
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Checking in on Day 83. I heard a silly tiktok philosopher say something like āIf you feel bad, just start doing something. It might make you feel better, but even if it doesnāt, you end up getting something doneā By golly, my house has been cleaner and more organized than ever for the past week since I started taking that advice.
I hope everyone finds some joy today 
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Day 36-
I had a crucial conversation today and Iām pretty anxious. It appears that the Board of Directors want to go a different direction and let me go. These are stressful times and the Board is angry about the budget and Iām the one on top to blame. Now, my contract is getting reviewed by legal counsel. Iām sure the Board wants to get out of the contract for cause. This is bullshit!
Iām a wreckā¦
I still have to go to work tomorrow and act like nothing happened today. This is awful and now Iāll need to get a labor attorney. I donāt know what will happen?
I must rely on God to provide strength and endurance during this difficult time. I will maintain my faith and pray BOLD prayers that me and my family are ok. Please keep me in your thoughts as I navigate these treacherous waters. Iām scared.
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Thank you so much luv.
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I am thinking of you. It must be extremely stressful. In times like these I try to remind myself that difficult situations often lead to beautiful destinations. Perhaps this must occur for something else to happen for you. Easier said when youāre not in the actual circumstance thoughā¦ But I will keep you in my thoughts and think positive and believe that things will work out the way they are meant toā:heart:
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Omg Iām sooo sorry about all of this!!! I will be praying for u and ur family that this gets dealt with in the right way 
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Hey Michael that sounds like extreme heaviness on your mind and heart. I can imagine having the weight of a family to take care of just adds to that. When things are completely out of my control, as this seems for you, the only thing that can keep me sane is to stay in the present moment. Practicing a lot of mindfulness in a bunch of different ways. Pulling my mind back into the now everytime it wanders off and starts to catastrophize about things I donāt know for sure. Try to just stick with the facts and maybe get outside from some fresh air I bet that pooch of yours would love a walk.
Sending strength and positive energy that everything works out.
Just a side note: sometimes when things like this happen it can seem like the worst thing ever but the reality is if our lives are full there is no room for something new. There is no room for better things unless we make space for them. Keep that in mind because although this feels scary it could very well be a big positive growth moment for you so just hang on tight and have faith.
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I donāt understand the business talk, but I can imagine the stress of losing work, worries about ur familyās future. Sending strength 
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Try not to think worst case scenario, talking with your labor attorney will make things more clear Iām sure.
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Thank you so muchā¦I need to hear this and stay in the present moment. Thank you @Its_me_Stella
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My question is , to my self, as what always happens just before exam time, what the fuck am I doing trying to be a scientist, when I have been a hairdresser that can hardly talk to clients because of my dire social skills and only learnt them of the last 5 years out of 20, so how the fuck can I learn or be or get to where I think I want to be , with a career change so late in Life, trying to forget my drug ridden past, yet have to go through it with āstepworkā (that will bring up old shit from decades earlier) at the same time as getting thru exams as a 40 year old and a mother that has just has just relapsed and not organised Easter holidays properly, and am supposed to study for an exam in 10 days. , What the fuck. What am I doing.
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Chasing your dreams and donāt you dare stop. Recovery is magicā¦ get out of your head and listen to your heart.
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Ditto what Stella said. U are getting out and trying. That is definitely worthwhile. And 40 is not so old! It had better not be as I am also 40 
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Youāre right. Iāll take it ODAAT and stay in the present. I hope to have clarity by the end of the week. Appreciate your wise counsel.
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Iāve had to take my own advice this week. My stress was through the roof and I had to make a decision to change my worst case scenario mindset.
I said a prayer for you, I have a good feeling something good will come for you. 
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Hazy, I think Science Women are awesome and special! My crushes have often been female astronauts, pilots or engineers 
. I think that is an exciting career change for anyone! Good luck!
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