Congratulations on your 50 days Megan.
Great job.
I’m glad your grandpa is doing better.
Good stuff.
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Check in
Day 65
Well, after doing some research on my own and taking an online test to sort of see where I’m at. I have discovered that my suspicions were correct about my eating. I absolutely fall into every criteria that a person would need to be diagnosed with a Binge Eating Disorder. The online test (which is just to get an idea), states I’m high risk for BED. And I also discovered today that shame is very much present in my life when it comes to food. I feel relieved in a sense bcuz I sort of have a “name” for what is going on. I know I had issued with food. It’s been extremes with food since I was a child. Either eating too much for diff reasons/binging, or undereating and becoming ill, or obsessing over working out and calories and weighing food etc, to doing extreme things for weight loss. This doesn’t really surprise me that I could have the disorder. But now I want to sort of work on this. I feel like it’s time to sort this out and to be rid of the shame around this. Does anyone know of any threads on here that are for like a daily checking for this? Or any tips and advice? Thanks
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HI all! In spite of having a good and productive day, I got home from my last errand and suddenly my mood suddenly turned dour. I just feel restless and unsettled the last few hours. Not bad enough to drink, but disconcerting. Hope everybody has a good sober day/night! 
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Yes you definitely will! You got that right. But I’m sorry to here about the disappointment. Eventually it will all be in the past. You will be ok. You are ok. Try to be in the moment and don’t get stuck thinking about about was or will be. Maybe do a mindfulness meditation? Positive affirmations? I hope you can remove yourself you will get through this. You are stronger than you think you are 
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Thinking of you:sparkling_heart:
it’s so hard with up and down moods. It’s strange how they can change so fast.
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Oh I hate those waiting periods. It’s hard when you’re not getting any communication. I don’t know you’re situation in detail, but I hope you know I’m listening and wishing you comfort in this moment.
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Checking in on day 313. Tomorrow is a new day.
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@Aleyadaisey binge thread has daily check ins. The weight loss thread… @Dazercat no sugar thread… all of those are good ones for accountability and discussion. You are making progress!
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Thank you! I remember when I was doing inpatient treatment in 2013, they’d take us to the YMCA for an hour to get some exercise. I asked one of the counselors why I felt depressed when I got back. He said the endorphins were wearing off and it’s kind of like coming down from a high. So I said, “Kind of defeats the point then doesn’t it?” 
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Day 9 feeling good sober 
the pain is off the charts wish this pain clinic referral will hurry up 
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Checking in today day 4. Was a pretty standard day at work. Got my paperwork done pretty smoothly. Came home and made some turkey meatballs with tomato sauce and a lemon dressed spring mix salad. Nice light yummy dinner. I had a couple friends over tonight and that mostly always a trigger for me. But my friends support me, and were happy to be sober with me too. We made a yummy NA sangria. Watched a movie and now im headed off to bed! Good day, didn’t think about drinking. Good night yall!
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Sounds like a great night. So glad you’re friends supported you:heart:I want to try your turkey meatballs!!
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@HappyButtersStotch Be strong! Sometimes these things aren’t so bad in hindsight.
FAE1 Bed sounds great. Hope u feel better tomorrow.
@Butterflymoonwoman Yes, there is a binge eating thread
Binge eating recovery daily check in thread
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Day 470.
So I was not feeling the whole going to work at 11pm thing tonight. I was exhausted and dreading it. But I came in and found out someone left another review online and dropped my name. Made my day!
It’s truly amazing how far basic human decency can go. Well to me what seems like it should be basic human decency.
So last night the online servers overbooked my hotel. I had the joy of telling people that they didn’t have a place to stay.
This lady called me. I could tell she was kinda panicking. Her 21 year old son had driven quite a long way from home only to find out we didn’t have a room for him. As a mom I can imagine that worry. I took literally 5 minutes and made some calls and found him a room at a different hotel. This incident could have easily got a terrible review. But instead
Here’s the review she left me. It makes my heart happy to know I am able to bring even the smallest amount of happiness or peace to someone.
“My son did not get the opportunity to stay here, BUT, a young lady named KAYLA took the time to help me find my 21 yr old son & his friend who drove in from Kingswood, TX to weld there in [town] another room because Fairfield’s online website allowed me to book his room even though they were already booked up.
I super, super, super appreciate the fact that she took the time at 11:40 pm to call around to other hotels equivalent to Fairfield quality in effort to not only find him a room but to give me, his mother who is over 7 hours away a sense of peace knowing he & his friend has a room & is in a safe location as well.
THANK YOU KAYLA, I LOVE TEXAS BUT ITS GETTING KINDA SCARY SO I THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER. You didn’t have to help us but you did & u did it without me even asking!!! Fairfield needs more Kayla’s!!!
(100) 
”
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1048
Instant coffee. Not quite sure what today will bring yet. Some touristy stuff I guess. And I’m 100% sure it won’t involve drinking or drugging.
Sober and clean, just tor today, as i expect from all of you friends. There’s nothing using would make better. Have as good a day as you all can. Clean and sober. Love from Pravcicka Brana.
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Is it allowed or possible to go over the stone arc in the picture?
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No I don’t think so. Reminds me of another natural bridge I visited, on the seashore in Aruba, which collapsed in 2005…
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My biggest problems are mere thoughts… How ironic is that? An infinite universe stands at my disposal, and I waste my time struggling to seperate immaterial thought from reality… Judging, shaming, hating, loathing myself, feeling guilty, hopeless, inadequate, useless, alienated, lost… For what? I don’t need blanketing distractions anymore to escape my suffering childhood… Nobody’s telling me I’m unworthy anymore… I don’t need to accept toxic solutions from toxic circumstances anymore… I’m not dependent on the unreliable outside anymore… Nobody’s able to do anything negative OR positive in my relative self-isolation. I can’t be judged or loved because I still struggle to let people into my bubble. And after declaring war on myself, I wonder why life’s not beaming success? I yearn for acceptance, purpose, ‘normality’… More than I enjoy, appreciate or live the moment ticking by. I need help - but nobody can help me more than myself…
I now know my addictions -miswired dopamine elevations- are purely trauma originated! I create my own problems, stress, pressure, judgement, since they’re what I once knew. As if I need problems and deserve lowness… I give into my addictions to fill the burning hole of loneliness, boredom, despair, depression, anxiety that arises without my usual distraction dependencies… Because the familiar bad is psychologically easier than the unfamiliar good… Dopamine elevations are meant for survival - not self-destruction! Food, water, sleep, fitness, health, achievement, love…
And I’ve come way too consciously far to give up on mastering taking control of my life and not NEEDING to keep running and hiding from it like my unknowing child self once did to cope… It wasn’t my fault :’( and I didn’t know any better! I’m not how I see myself! Neither is this entire existence. I don’t want to fail and complain when I CAN thrive by manifesting it with every potential ticking moment. Should I be alive? Should I stay miserable? Should I keep failing? Do I fucking want that…?! No, I choose life & to strive for the best as much as I consciously can whilst I have it! 
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Day 20
There was a part of my morning that started as an intense challenge but I grew it into an opportunity to reach out to get even more help and be a better, stable and more resourceful parent for my sp.ed son.
There’s now even more goodness and opportunity and people connecting into both our lives and on the way for his benefit.
I cried at first, yes, when i felt overwhelmed but then I was faced with what to do after that. Asked myself what now? Am I crumbling again? Am I giving up the day to intense emotions? Not likely. He’s here and needs me now.
I decided to wipe away my tears and bucked up because I have to forge a future from nothing but intentions, optimism, ambitions and a lot of newfound emotional regulation tools of my own. I’m gonna give that boy everything I have to offer him. Same with my daughter. These kids are here for their own stories to keep unfolding, I want to be a guidepost and an enrichment to that journey, not an obstacle in their paths.
Not a brag I promise, just a happy resolution i felt excited to share. I’m always happy to connect with other parents here, it’s a whole other facet of recovery honestly
Thanks again for having me, have a good night all!
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Love this so much, and you can do it! I soo much relate to the battles of the mind, they’re the toughest ones sometimes tbh. Keep on going and we can get there!
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