@Dazercat thank you 
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I reached 50 days today which Iām pleased about, however, Iām just not feeling very good today. I woke from a vivid dream about a friend I havenāt spoken to in many years and I was filled with a horrible feeling of resentment. When I finally dragged myself out of bed I looked in the mirror and I looked awful. Puffy, tired. Thereās no reason for it, I slept pretty well and Iām not under the weather.
This evening I decided to make a chocolate cake to cheer myself up, and do you know? It seems to have helped! Iām now finishing a mug of tea and planning what to watch on Netflix this evening.
Tomorrow I have a gig to go to with a good friend that I havenāt seen in a while. Weāre getting pancakes and coffee before the gig.
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Congratulations on your 50 days Delia!
Chocolate and gelato worked pretty well cheering me up. Iām glad youāre feeling better about yourself.
Great job.
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Day 156,
Just checking in, HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON/EVENING ALL!!
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That! Outstanding get itā:metal:t2:
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Havenāt been doing good. Ended up using Monday and Tuesday. Got in a big fight with my mom
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All that is important is what you do to stay sober today. Keep coming back when you crave and want to use. Throwing my thoughts out here always helps me.
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Day 22
A few things are on the horizon of being either small or big changes depending on how my husband and I are able to approachthe situation. Trying to be grounded mentally/emotionally but also rise to the occasion without making sweeping changes all at once as much as possible.
Trying to maintain stability as well, for each other but very much for our kids certainly moreso. The thing is, sometimes certain people try to control things in toxic ways and make it hard to stay without ending in more harm done.
To clarify, those ācertain peopleā is someone I live with here in our blended home. My quest for personal and financial independence for my family has kind of just intensified as a need based on her continued verbal/non-verbal choices of action and communication.
Sheās also, however, the person we are relying on for shelter at the moment, so things are complicated. Itās also a very close family member which adds another layer. Itās a years long story and Iām tired of it and I need to get respite from her for our own sake.
Staying sober at this point because I need to be here for every point of this continuing situation and Iām tired of history repeating itself. I am now required to be an advocate for myself and my family as the situation has shown itself without the cloud of drugs ruining good judgement.
Helping our family does NOT give her the right to emotionally manipulate or abuse us.
I realized how much she has been playing into both our trauma-based susceptibilities as well, and itās pretty gd hurtful actually.
So these games are done and Iām over it to be honest. Iām taking my familyās life by the reins and sheās either with us or against us
I accept that sheās been helpful but itās not okay to fck with that in a toxic way. Iām tired of her being the āI helped you so youāre in my debts and I can verbally abuse you freelyā sorta āfriendā. My children and husband deserve better
Iāll take school of hard knocks out there in other places over her toxic āloveā asap now
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Huge congrats, Shay! Hell of a milestone 
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Nice work thatās awesome!!! Go you! 
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Woo hoo! Congratulations Shay!
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Hey guys. Its day 40 for me.
Finished watching moonfall. Its a good watch.
Have a nice day. Peace
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Nice one Shay, congrats !
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Iām so happy you are feeling good. You are doing so many things to take care of yourself. Congratulationsā:heart:
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Amazing!!! So inspiringā„ļø
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Checking In
Clean Time: 1.5 Months
This has been a month and a half filled with serious ups and downs. I am trying to take each experience as an opportunity to learn, and just to appreciate where I am right now. Itās hard though. I am not used to making āright choicesā, or even just attempting to think things through before acting on them. I feel like in early recovery we put in so mcuh effort, and a lot of times it goes somewhat unnoticed. Of course, I am in recovery for myself - and the validation of others is not required for me to continue, or for me to do well. However, it can become frustrating when you know you are growing and progressing, and then someone (in my case, my daughterās dad) acts as though you are the same person you were in active addiction. 
I will be alright though, Iāll push through. I will continue making the right choices and eventually I will be an undeniably changed person, and my actions will make that so apparent that no amount of āopinionā or talk of my past will be able to refute that. 
I have also discovered that being around people - unless they are entirely clean and sober makes staying on the right path so difficult. I have cut off everyone to the best of my ability who uses my DOC. But it has been hard in regards to alcohol. So many people use it - itās legal and isnāt socially frowned upon like my DOC is. Iāve noticed myself getting uncomfortably close to relapse because of this. As a result I am doing another āpeople detoxā and am isolating for a bit to rethink the people I have allowed around me and in my life.
That was so long haha. It feels good to get that all out though. 
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Congratulations on your 1000 days of sobriety Shay!!
No stopping you now!!!
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So happy to see you post. You know Iāve been thinking about you Sorry things are difficult right now and I just want to say how proud I am of you! You are doing absolutely amazing and you deserve to be proud of yourself for sure. I am proud of you too! Iām sure we all are here. We are not who we were yesterday, and Iām sorry that you are being treated as though you are. You are growing and learning and becoming stronger every day.
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Day 632
Spent all yesterday cleaning up and prepping the garden. Wasted a lot of today scrolling ig memes, baking to clean out my freezer, and now made a last minute decision to bike up to the cabin in the rain for what is probably the last weekend cooking syrup. Iām a few days behind reading check ins 
I hope everyone is doing well. Sending you all love and strength for the weekend! 
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