haha way to go! If you want to talk about cars, I don’t understand mine. My dashboard light is illuminated with an exclamation mark in orange. Now I looked it up, it’s the tire pressure. So I put some air in the tires and the right amount I mean I’ve had this car for a while but the light is still on and it also has new tires on it so that can’t be it! Strange.
And well done for being there for that guy even though that kind of contact might not usually go easley for you. It may just be that you are ready to make contacts now or you have a good click with this person🌷
Late check in at day 233.
Pfff very tired. Heavy shift, very chaotic. Before dinner the clients were very rebellious, it was a real mess. Some clients didn’t even want the medication and I absolutely don’t like coercion so I didn’t do that either. After dinner I became best friends with one of the clients and I heard a few times how much he loved me. I was also very good at guiding and caring for him until he had to go to bed…screaming! Arrgg and he didn’t want to go to bed so had to stay half an hour longer. It is now half past eleven in the evening and I have to get up at 6 in the morning for my next shift. So get into my bed.
By the way, I have canceled work on the days when NA meetings are and I am busy reading the book. So that’s progress I’m really happy with.
665 days sober. Life is good. Struggling with my inability to deal with stress at work though. But nothing to drink over.
Have gotten back into dating, but not with the intent lf finding a monogamous relationship. No grand expectations. I am feeling good about my self as well, not related to dating, but it does make things easier on that front. I can date because I like myself, not because I need external validation. Although of course that is always nice haha. My body image issues are still there, but it has gotten easier to accept myself as I am, just a little bit more.
My doctor’s appointment went AMAZING. My mom actually offered for me to go in alone because she said I needed to learn these things as am adult. I was more than happy to do that. I got to talk to the doctor on my own he was soooooo nice. We talked about gender for a while. He told ld me he’d use whatever name or pronouns I want in the office but not in front of anyone else. I felt so comfortable around him and was finally able to talk about things. I feel a huge weight lifted of my chest. So overall good day
I really want to use right now
I really, really want to use.
It would be the cheapest way to relax
Hate myself so much. Unstable and depressing life. Might get cbd and cope.
But should I even enter the cbd place when it would be Easy to get weed?? I am in bed on a beautiful day. Should i try to write poetry? Idk! I feel horrible and just want to be better but idk if its even possible.
Mood been extremely unstable and scary last couple of days. Have slept a lot to try to calm down, feeling better this evening after figuring out how to work on some of my issues. Been craving sooooo much but am confident that now I’m over the worst of the emotional turmoil the cravings will settle down.
I think of the Rumi quote: “the cure for pain is in the pain.”
I hope everyone is doing ok today, as best they can. best wishes and strength to you
Day 110, today things are finally looking up. Patience has sure been a virtue. Have a blessed evening everyone! Keep your head up and always remember to breathe.
@Minatasha I know it’s rough. I feel like drinking right now myself. But you absolutely did the right thing checking in here first! I’ve never tried CBD for anxiety or cravings, but if going there will tempt you to get weed, you’re better off staying at home. @HappyButtersStotch Love the Rumi quote. I had written a list of my favorite quotes after getting one of his books from the library. Here’s a few:
“An accident gradually gets accepted as the thing that needed to happen. Sickness melts into health.”
“You are the honored guest - do not weep like a beggar for pieces of the world.”
“What you have despised in yourself as a thorn, opens into a rose.”
(All of these come from ‘Bridge to the Soul’)
@anon53116147 I’m sorry this is happening, but remember your team is always here for you.
As for me, pretty good day. My job counselor wasn’t really much help. But I got the clinic for my cardiac echo. I thought it’d be some in&out procedure, it was nearly an hour. Plus she had to inject me with some fluid because the pictures weren’t clear. She had to use my hand since the vein in my arm kept collapsing. Told me I was seriously dehydrated. I didn’t tell her about the two week bender I just got back from. So things are going pretty good.
Happy sober Friday, all!
Finally received my legal severance paperwork. Happy that I have resources to support family. I need to go to work one last time on Monday to complete the process.
I really felt like celebrating, but didn’t know how to do it? I’m happy and that is a trigger when I would celebrate with alcohol. No alcohol-
Kinda bummed…. Appreciate being sober, I just need to learn how to celebrate sober.
Video interview with CEO went awesome! She is a firecracker and would be great to work with. Going to Memphis, Tennessee for face to face interview in early May.
On the turntable ~
Martin Denny
“Afro-Desia”
Jackpot Records 2022
@Wisconsin Did they say ‘time for ur drug test!’ ? If it was just a urine sample, most people’s brains would think ‘diabetes’ before drugs. Or wouldn’t think much at all.
@anon53116147 And do u fight more with ur mum when u are using or when u are clean? How do u feel now? Just going out and using? You feel like shit, right? Staying clean is hard, but feeling like shit is hard, choose the better hard.
@SadMemeQueen I am glad u got to talk to the dr alone.
@Minatasha Stay strong. It may seem like a shortcut to relaxation, but it is fake relaxation and comes with the guilt and shame after. A walk? A bath? A yoga video? Bake something?
@Minatasha - thinking of you. I know it is hard, and you are doing the right thing. No need to go to the CBD shop. Writing poetry sounds relaxing and reflective. Keep moving forward~
Yay!!! This makes me so happy! I was purposely looking for ur post just now and it popped up! I was so curious to see how things went. It’s amazing that u got to go in by urself to see the dr. Proud of u! And glad that u had a great appt!
Leaving an awards banquet with my daughter, we decided to stop at the grocery store to get some good carbohydrates and caffeine for her exam in the a.m. I was waiting for the person exiting the store to cross in front of me before I proceeded forward and turned. As we turned my daughter said, gee what’s wrong with him? he gesturing and saying something at us. As we drove down the isle he turned to look at us and made another gesture and said something. (no clue what, as I wasn’t going to make eye contact) Told my daughter we would park and wait for him to leave before we got out and went in. He had 2 six-packs from the store and after he put his cans in the cooler in his front seat (speculation), he closed the door and started walking towards us yelling and waving his arms around. Like, SERIOUSLY WTF. so I put it in reverse and left. It was a good opportunity to ask my daughter what she would have done in that sort of situation. We went to another grocery store several miles down the road. I asked her what she would do if she walked outside and saw that he was in that parking lot. She told me that she would turn around and go back in the store. I was very proud of her. It was a very creepy and scary situation and I have to think that it was definitely alcohol-fueled.
Check-mark in the “reasons not to drink” column.
Chocolate cake… that’ll bring the good cheer. 
I’m glad you’re feeling better.
