Day 49
I took some cbd and feel physical effects but mentally present. Still need to be careful though. Ive been taking one at night to go to bed and thats been working fine.
Ive let the house go. I have to move soon. Stress!
But i am sober and can only live and try to be a decent person one day at a time. Grateful to hike today.
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Evening Check In
Day 68 C&S
Day 1 BED
I had such a good day today! Honestly I really feel okay today. No crazy urges to use drugs (except for 1 VERY fleeting thot when I checked my account and realized that my pay cheque came in 2 days early. Probably due to the weekend). Did my morning routine as usual. Ate a healthy breakfast with water and coffee. Went to the grocery store and was actually super friendly to others in the store (big crowds can be overwhelming for me and I get irritable and rude). Then home to eat a healthy lunch with water and video chatted with my mom from back home which was nice! Wanted to engage in unhealthy eating habits around 330pm. So I chose to actually drink a protein shake and snack on some carrots. That actually worked to pull me out of those binge eating thots! I was really surprised! Did some cleaning and whatnot. Then ate a healthy supper at 630pm. And now relaxing abit. Hubby is still out doing that bathroom tiling/renovating job for his boss. Heās exhausted and wants to come home. But ya its been me all day by myself. Super quiet in here and kind of odd feeling. I work tmrw so thatās good! Probably gonna smudge now and do some self care! Really, really happy to see the progress of people on here today! Iām sure I missed alot of checking thruout the day. But Iām really proud of all of us! No matter where we all are at in recovery. Truly every single day is a WIN!
Hugs 
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Iām sorry to hear about your pain. I donāt think Iāve ever experienced the amount and kind of pain your going through all at once, but I have had chronic pain in the past as well as some other conditions and I find doing guided meditations for pain release helpful. I sure wish your meds would help more.
Iām really happy to hear about your new flat. You are right-you have no reason to feel bad. It sounds like things worked out the way they were meant to. It will be so nice to have that view and the sunshine.
I would feel anxious too if my phone wasnt reliable, but the company can always try calling again. It will all get sorted.
Thanks for sharing. Keep us posted. Excited for you to get the wheelchair. Sunshine and fresh air can be so healingāļø
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So another day ik the books, record store day and weāll new tattoo day, cause weāre geeks.
The guy who did the art is a semi professional musician who I spent more time talking to about music, recording techniques, music ideas and linking up in the future for a in case of emergency hired gun, well an hour ish tattoo turned into a few hours of great times showed me his rehearsal space and plans for the future, including exchanging numbers.
But shit hereās the work @DeadMist
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yes, we both knew it was time for us to make a change.173
Pushing through another day full of cravings and anxiety. Iāve done every single thing I can do for my recovery today. Iām trying to find gratitude and Iām continuing to communicate. Today I realize that Iām getting help with my alcoholism but Iām doing the mental health recovery on my own. Tomorrow Iām going to try to go somewhere and talk to somebody. Itās just hard to follow through with decisions or appointments because if anything scares me or thereās any reason to feel uncomfortable I will avoid it even if it means getting help. I think that itās more than anxiety and for the last year or two I thought that it was because of the world and everything going on. Iām struggling to find a balance between food sleep and what is real . I donāt know why Iām sharing this. I just know that I need to get help for this. I have been dealing with whatever this is for so long but I see it progressing and maybe because I was drinking so much I didnāt notice the symptoms. And then also considering going to sober living even though I have this many daysā¦ Iām going to pray some more tonight and Iām not going to go anywhere. Itās just not worth the feeling of leaving or nighttime . Iāve done all I can do and Iām trying to be transparent so that I can be held accountable. Hopefully this wasnāt too truthful. I know that Iām not the only one struggling. But Iām going to push through. I donāt have any other choiceā¦ Iām realizing these patterns now and sometimes I get trapped in a weird mindset that can take a week and a half to get out of and itās terrifying. But why do I let myself keep going through this? Six out of eight weeks Iām good. Two weeks I feel bizarreā¦
Thank you for everyoneās support. Probably in a couple hours Iām going to turn this phone off for a couple days. Thereās no way for me to use this app but be disconnected from all of the other negative aspects of Internet. It is greatly affecting me. I have a Netwerk that I can call from landline. And I will possibly update tomorrow. But there is too much stimulus and too much scare tactics and too much of everything. Iām going to try to make things as peaceful as possible for the rest of the nightā¦ Times like this I really understand Walden
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Yeah sleep is horse shit right now.
Start of the week my mom was admitted to the hospital. Extremely dehydrated, sodium levels next to nothing, blood counts way down, liver disease and dementia. Due to covid regulations only one person was allowed in to visit within a 24gr period, so my sister has been doing all the visits since she is off work right now and can go multiple times a day.
She got moved to a new unit and I was able to go visit, which I was going to todayā¦ well as I was getting ready to go I got informed that mom has contracted covid, is now in isolation and no visits at all.
We got her phone hooked up today, bit everytime I called either she was on the phone wih someone else or the phone just wasnt working.
Best way I can put itā¦ Iām going Nucking Futs
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I totally understand the need to take a break here but I hope you can at least check in really briefly just so we know your are ok. Even if you donāt respond or read anyone elseās postā¦ Iāll be thinking of you. I hope you find someone to talk to tomorrow. Itās a lot your are going through and I think, even though itās crazy hard, itās a really big step to be noticing these things and become even more self aware. You can get through this. Iām glad you shared. Things can be uncomfortable but once you work your way past that, you can find release.
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Thank you for reaching back and relating. I think I will still check in on this thread at least once a day. Iām going to go to the same place I went to detox for because they said they can evaluate me for 24 hours And see if they can get me started on some medication or counseling. I just accept that currently Iām kind of stuck unless I do that. This community is definitely a huge help but sometimes I have to listen when I have too much stimulus. Iām definitely proud of myself for making it through another day but Need some healthy crutches. Thank you and I hope that youāre having a good evening and I will definitely check in
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Itās good you have the capacity to recognizeā¦to be in tune and understand youā¦Take the time you need, be well.
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Thank you so much. 
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Hi. New here. Checking in on five days sober. I really didnāt think Iād ever need to start counting days. But it consumed me so much and I finally admitted it to myself. So here I am 5 days sober and it feels great.
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Super glad youāre here and able to admit that itās become a problem. Thatās a huge first step and then getting to five days thatās even more amazing! I found the first five days pretty much the hardest I think. Thanks for posting stick around keep reading and sharing
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Congratulations @Its_me_Stella !! So, so proud of you! Iāve seen you hurt, hurt yourself, truly be in some awful, awful, places, struggle, and ā¦ succeed ā¦ a step, and, an addiction at a time, with all your hard work and dedication to your cause(s)ā¦. Big big congrats for that!!
You are truly an inspiration, your words with strength, understanding, help for others and also vulnerability ā¦
Enjoy your freedoms.
Hereās a plant(s) for you in celebration of your year achievement xxx
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@Scrammbles i hope with all the care your Mom is getting that she will have a turn around and begin to recover and of course that the Covid will be gentle on her. Lots you have going on, Iām sorry.
@Bluekoolaid glad youāre here and talking about all this and have a desire and a plan to get help. Wishing a good life for you once you get over these hurdles. Take care.
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Hello everyone,
Iām checking in for day 56. To have a psychological disorder and an alcohol problem is often to much to cope with.
I hope you all have a nice Weekend and can relax!
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*Day 1313 in the books 
I like the look of that number 
Today Iām going for a walk with friends and chill the rest of the day (I hope).
As always I share a picture from one of my walks. This was yesterday when the cows had there first day outside their barn.
As you probably know walking is a huge part of my recovery. Why? It keeps me grounded I think. Walking in nature makes my head calm and Iām more in the ānowā. More focus on today and making the best of it without worrying about tomorrow and the āwhat ifāsā.
So thatās what I hope to do today
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1051
Coffee. No instant, the real stuff. First morning back from holidays. It was a very nice week, now back to the real life. Back to work tomorrow. But early Monday thereās a āarbeidsvoorwaardengesprekā to participate in first. A talk about conditions of employment in my new job that is.
Iāve to do some preparation for that, but otherwise I have not much planned. Watching the cycling (last of the big spring classics, Liege - Bastogne - Liege). Pet Luna. Cook some healthy stuff and do some other chores at home. Be sober and clean. That should do it for today.
Wishing you all as good a Sunday as you all possibly can have. Make it clean and sober and half your work will be done already. I know I will. Have a good one all. Love from Amsterdam. The pic is from one of the walks I did with @tomek in the past week. What a lovely time we had. I love hiking, just like you @SoberWalker. Although I love cycling just as much.
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