Checking in daily to maintain focus #41

[Misokatsu]

Congratulations You’re a good person and deserve to treat your body with love and respect.

[icebear]

Checking in on day 316. Some members of my partner’s family stayed over last night. That kind of thing (interruption of schedule, trying to be social) used to rattle me a lot and I would invariably turn to booze. Instead I grabbed a cheeky little afternoon nap under the weighted blanket. Hi ho sobriety.

[Fury]

Checking in Happy Record Store Day! Another big day exploring west Texas, and having fun, sonic for breakfast. And well decide on dinner then. But we’ll see what today brings, other than another sober day of fun @DeadMist

[GOKU2019]

Day 189

Busy day at work. Gotta a couple more hours left. Gonna throw my lil man a bday party tomorrow. Should be fun.

Stay safe and take care!

@Miranda there’s gotta be an easier way to upload gifs on here lol. I text myself the GIFs, save the GIF as an image on my phone, and then upload the GIF as a picture onto the thread. Hope that helps.

[Desire2ChangeToday]

So proud of you.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Way to go on 40 days!!! Really proud of you and how dedicated u are to ur recovery, even with so much going on. Proud of u!

[SadMemeQueen]

Tonight will be day 53 of no self harm.

I didn’t go to my grandpa’s as planned. At about 9am my sister came out of her room crying and totally panicking from a horrible pain in her side. She was there from 9:30am until 4:30pm. Turns out she has something called a horseshoe kidney. It’s pretty common. It’s where instead of 2 kidneys, the bottom of her kidneys fused into one long horseshoe shaped kidney. There was nothing wrong, but it can cause UTIs, nausea, and kidney stones. A doctor said it won’t affect her likelihood of kidney disease or cancer, but most sources online say it increases the odds. No cure, just have to treat symptoms. My sister is home and seems normal with no pain.

I’m really really really scared because I’ve had this sense that someone is going to die for a while. I don’t know how to describe it, but this just doesn’t feel like a good sign. This could just be the fact that I’m used to losing people though and I haven’t in a while. I’m just going to focus on appreciating every day with my loved ones like I do with my grandpa. It’s something natural with my grandpa since he’s 82 and most of my family has died in their 60s. But it feels so messed up feeling like I’m losing time with my sister when she’s only 14.

I’m kind of a mess. Now that my grandpa is better another issue pops up. That’s how my life always goes. It gets exhausting. And I know I’m worried about something that could be nothing. But I just want to break down.

Despite all of this, I don’t want to self harm. There’s a slight urge but I’m so anxious I absolutely can’t handle that extra anxiety harming myself would cause. I know how it affects me, which is the main reason I’m not going to

[CATMANCAM]

Due to being quite unwell and in hospital since Tuesday PM, I found myself 4 days behind when I came here this afternoon, this thread is so lively so I’ve a little spam again, apologies

@mcsm belated congrats on double digits
@LaDyLooNtje a belated well done for throwing away your guest’s leftover alcohol and also for treating yourself
@Lotusflower thank you Des belated congrats on 5 months
@Bomdhil belated congrats on 2 weeks+ sorry about the bad news, sending strength
@Pat_m well done for cutting right down on the nicotine, it’s definitely much better than what you were doing before, I usually use 0mg liquid for a little while before I put it down completely, but after that it’s such a bizarre feeling and what to do with all the time!? Good luck
@Scrammbles glad you’re back at it I hope it’s feeling a little easier now and that you’re sleeping better
@anon74766472 I’m glad you feel the interview went well I hope you get it after further reading…congrats!
@emi I’m so glad the Vivitrol is working for you
@michaeljlogan74 congrats on 40 days prayers sent for the right employment opportunity to come along
@Hazy sending strength it’s natural to have doubts when making big changes. I hope your exams go well

[Miranda]

[CATMANCAM]

@MsMotorista belated congrats on 7 months
@SadMemeQueen I’m so pleased your Grandpa is doing well I glad you found some time to get your studies done belated congrats on 50+ days and I’m so pleased you were able to talk to your doctor privately. If you ever want/need to talk to about nb/trans stuff, I’m here
@JennyH thank you sending well wishes for your Dad, I’m so glad he’s recovering, and you too. Congrats on sitting with your feelings
@1in8billion sorry to hear sending strength congrats on getting back at it
@Tors sorry about your day of days a few days ago, but congrats on the thing that went right, -your sobriety
@HillbillyChris belated congrats on 8 months I hope you can get some relief from your pain via sleep
@Deelzebub I’m sorry about your friend’s diagnosis, sending strength and hope enjoy the gig and congrats on 50 days
@DeadMist sorry your child has been sick, I hope she is feeling better by now, and I’m so glad you escaped your addiction as well as the abusive ex, proud of you also, congrats on your 100 review
@David1 sending strength
@Dolse71 congrats on 19 months and your new PB

[SadMemeQueen]

Thank you, I appreciate it

[CATMANCAM]

@HappyButtersStotch a belated welcome to you Sorry about the thing that made you feel crushed but congrats on bringing triple digits with you here + sending strength
@FAE1 sending strength I hope your doctor was able to help I’m glad things are looking up
@Butterflymoonwoman that’s the ED that I’m diagnosed with too, I hope you have access to some therapeutic support, your doctor should be able to refer you to an ED service. There is a daily check in thread, I don’t know it’s title or how to link, but if you use the search function it might come up or someone else may have guided you by now as I’m a few days behind
@Bones_80 I hope you get some relief from your pain very soon congrats on double digits
@Shna I’m so glad your friends are being supportive of your sobriety feel better soon female toilets are about the only thing I miss since I transitioned, male toilets
@mamador congrats on reaching out and getting more support for your son, parenting done right meditation is one of my favourite things belated congrats also on 3 weeks+ sending strength as you navigate your living situation
@Twizzlers always good to see you checking in, belated congrats on 203 days
@Wakikki focus on what you can do in the present to support their mental wellbeing going forwards, you have already made a huge start by getting sober and being present for them, sending strength
@DTC52 thank you and belated congrats on double digits
@kat261 thank you and sorry about your co-worker trying to cause issues

[CATMANCAM]

@paper_boats I’m sorry things are hard, sending strength belated congrats on 7 months+
@Fargesia proud of you for being there for that guy, and glad you realised the issue with your car and that it was easily solved …or not as further reading showed, I hope it’s back on the road soon something I have to remind myself when I have mental setbacks etc, is that recovery is not linear. Sending strength
@Seb thank you for becoming a Patron
@Wunderbar I’m sorry you’ve been unwell and that your wife was injured, but congrats on not reacting in old ways
@Bluekoolaid keep playing the tape through sending strength
@StarK31 congrats on 60+ days
@Cherry_Kisses thank you so much
@Wisconsin welcome congrats on your days so far
@Beachgal welcome congrats to you and your husband on your days so far it’s amazing that you are doing this together
@anon53116147 sending strength

[CATMANCAM]

@Desire2ChangeToday congrats on quadruple digits
@Deep congrats on 40+ days
@Chikai congrats on reassessing your boundaries to protect your sobriety
@Jennajen so pleased to read you are finding some self-acceptance
@Minatasha I’m glad you made it past your urge definitely stay away from the CBD place if weed is accessible there. Sending strength
@Kareness sorry about the expensive car troubles, but pleased it’s helped you to find gratitude happy birthday to your twins
@Mno congrats on 1450 days I hope yourself and @Tomek have had a nice vacation
@Teresa.13 welcome congrats on your days so far sending strength
@Alanb welcome congrats on your days so far

[GOKU2019]

[anon53116147]

Thank you, yes I definitely still had alot of resentment built towards myself. I really do want to be sober, I know I can do it, I love who I am when I’m sober, and I know I need help and support. I do know I can’t do it on my own I did not use today. I feel terrible for my girls that there father is such a fuck up. They deserve so much better then me.

[anon53116147]

Thank you Dana

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Ur welcome Mike! And you are not a fuck up. U are an addict in recovery like all of us. Ur an amazing person and an amazing father. Use these crappy feelings as motivation to never EVER want to feel them again way to go on not using today!

[CATMANCAM]

@Misokatsu thank you I’m sorry about your headache and neck pain, I’m glad your husband was able to help
@felipeandrews congrats on 40 days feel better soon
@Its_me_Stella I ran out of likes about 250 posts ago, but I’m so glad I’ve got some again because this is amazing , so proud of you and everything you do for your recovery. Congrats on a whole year free from self-injury and your continuous sobriety, you are amazing, so proud, and in admiration of you

@icebear @Miranda @CloudzBeBlue @anon9289869 thank you all

621 days no alcohol.
86 days no cocaine.
6 days no binge-eating.

So yeah, I’m not doing very well physically. My Gallbladder pain-from-hell is constant now, I also went into urinary retention, and I have another toilet-related issue that no-one needs to read the graphic details of! I was able to self-catheterise whilst on the surgical ward, but this has now caused an incredibly painful UTI (I already have Painful Bladder Syndrome). I now have some anti-biotics and new Diabetes meds, and more pain-killers that have zero-to-very minimal pain-relieving effects, all of this has of course also caused a Fibromyalgia flare-up, so I am experiencing pain like never before, as well as feeling extremely nauseous and not being able to stay away from the toilet for very long.

Last weekend, I found out, by overhearing the estate agent and the last person who viewed the flat I’m currently living in, that the landlord has put the flat on the open market, without having the decency to update me like he said he would. So, I looked for available rentals in this area, because I like it here, and as if by fate, my next-door neighbour’s flat is coming available in early July! I made an application, it was a little challenging during the referencing process, due to my circumstances, but I persisted, explained, and submitted extra evidence, and found out yesterday morning that my application has been successful. I should receive the lease, via email, to sign on Monday. The flat gets the sun all day long, has a lake view, and no other properties overlook any of the rooms, so it’s actually a bit of a blessing, plus, the landlord has agreed to give me a 2 year 11 months lease, so I will have some security there too. I am having a bit of an issue with my current landlord now, because I think he has realised that he’s not going to get anywhere near his asking price for this flat, and after ignoring my offer of a years rent upfront, for over 5 weeks, despite messaging me regularly to let me know when there were viewings coming, he is now trying to accept my offer, but it’s too late, plus, I’d have no guarantee that he wouldn’t need to sell again at any point. I’m not looking forward to telling him once my application for the other flat has been finalised, and although I have no logical reason to feel bad, Anxiety does not work in a logical way.

After getting home from the second hospital stay yesterday evening, I was welcomed home by a letter from the company I have my last remaining debt with, and I won’t bore you with any details but it made me extremely anxious. I have sent an email to the specialist customer support team, and I also spoke to someone in a different team this morning, and I feel a little less anxious, but I now have to wait to hear from their third-party debt collection agency, and I don’t have reliable phone signal where I live so I’m anxious I won’t receive their call and then get into more trouble etc. Anyway, I will deal with it when I do manage to speak to them, but I really hate having this hanging over me.

It has been a long time coming, but I have ordered an electric wheelchair, which will arrive some time next week, and although I really wish my feet and back would let me do it on foot, I am really looking forward to being able to get outside for some fresh air and sunshine.

Grateful to have no urges or desires to drink, use, or binge over any of this.

I hope you’re all having sober and peaceful weekends

[Seb]

Day 108 AF
Going on another bike ride today. It’s one thing on the list of many that I am really enjoying about my sobriety.
Have a nice day/night folks