Welcome back Lucas.
What a beautiful day for a day 1.
ODAAT.
I hope to see you around.
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1957 Started the weekend with my twins’ 14th birthday on Friday. I feel good that I made it special for them and they enjoyed it. Yesterday I took a long nap and did a site visit for work to look at the roof framing. Today I am working and will do some cleaning in the kitchen and make sure 14 y.o. - he’s gifted but has ADD - son does his schoolwork. He has brought his English score up by 10 points in the last week and I want him to keep going. I have to figure out how to do that without being too pushy.
I also have my favorite women’s meeting today that meets in the park.
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Afternoon all. Checking in day 247. Pains bad. Not much sleep. Not even sure how I’m going to do physical therapy in the morning. My Great Dane swept my knees out from under me, already having one bad knee and a back this was not helpful in my recovery of the injuries. But going to keep on keeping on. Take care and stay safe.
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Checking in on day 52.
Last nights gig was really good. It was great catching up with my friend and just good to be properly out. The sun was shining and the city centre was bustling.
For whatever reason I didn’t get a good nights sleep however, and I woke with a headache. My parents came down to look after the kids while I went out and they’ve decided to stay an extra night so that they can catch up with friends. Unfortunately my mum has just started being really drunk (both parents drink heavily but it’s my mum that gets outwardly drunk) and I’m feeling pretty triggered at the moment. It has made me realise how I’d often drink myself in order to cope when she was drunk. Sometimes I’d drink just so she’d have less herself. I’m not going to do that this evening though, but I have to say I’m feeling very uncomfortable right now.
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Checking in 115 days, and counting! Im not far from 4months, and its unbeliveble! I cant belive how far I come. And its time for some changes, something more. I dont not what yet, but I have do something more, something else. I feel good with being sober, but I want more. If this makes any sense.
Hope you all have a great day 
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The word’s too good not to share here
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Day 158
Just checking in. Have a great day 
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This is soo exciting! I feel what u mean about wanting more of recovery. The opportunities are endless when we are clean and sober 
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Just to add that my mum has now disappeared off to bed without saying anything, leaving a full glass of wine on the coffee table in front of me. I’m really focussing on the serenity prayer, I can’t make her “not drunk”. I’m having such strong feelings of dread and helplessness which is clearly related to past trauma. She hasn’t said or done anything horrible this time but I feel sucked right back to the way I felt when she was abusive towards me especially if I wouldn’t drink with her.
I’m listening to very absorbing music with my headphones on in order to block out the panicky thoughts.
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It’s beautiful how some things work. I believe that everything has a reason and that we have to be alert at certain moments that I believe happen for a reason. A higher power can be found in many kinds of beliefs, but it basically boils down to the same thing. You just have to look for what suits you best and where you really feel at home.
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Yes! I have so much more time now not drinking, thinking about drinking, feeling sick and all that shit. Til now I just focused on not drinking, and I feel I got the hang of it. And Im tired of Just going to work, go home do what need to be done after work and just sit around being lazy and eating chocolate 
I want to feel alive, I want to find more energy, I want to feel more happy.
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Have you poured out the wine? If not please do so immediately. You don’t do that no more and you know it’s not going to do you any good whatsoever. Good you’re here. Hang with us.
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It was a great day.
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Thanks Menno, I’ve just done that now.
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Way to go! 
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I used to drink loads with my mother when I visited her for dinner. Never recognized her as a drunk when she was alive but she certainly was. Never recognized myself as a drunk during that years either. It was crazy looking back at it. I guess I did it to cope with her. And myself. It didn’t help.
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Your doing well coping, id suggest throwing the wine down the sink and you may feel more relief.
Stay strong 
Edit: iv scrolled up and glad you poured it away. Your doing great.
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Thanks. I’m really glad I brought this here. You guys understand. X
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