Hi all, checking in here to congratulate people here (below!) and also to get the squirrelly addict voice out of my head and into the world - I need to see it as separate from myself, so I can draw a line: this is not me. I am not this person.
I am having thoughts of using, stronger than they’ve been for some months now. I am a little taken aback by this. I think I need to take some time to do a personal inventory and see what is happening here, what I may be neglecting, that is putting me at risk and bringing up these old dysfunctional “coping” behaviours. Man those addict pathways are still there in the brain. They’re always there, and if we stop being balanced or caring for ourselves, we can slip back into them.
What am I not doing? I may not be speaking up enough about how nervous I am about this entrepreneurial project. For the last four months it’s been something I’ve been planning, but this week is when I finally quit my old corporate job and now I officially have no more corporate paycheques. (I do have money set aside for launching my new company, but still, there is much more risk.)
I feel like I’m not relaxing enough. I may need to take some time to have a hot bath or something. Some epsom salt. I’ve been running myself ragged the past few weeks crossing off odds and ends.
I will take some time tomorrow morning to exercise and to meditate about this. And for now, tonight, I will have a bath.
Notes to some of the other lovely folks here:
@SadMemeQueen Eating a meal is solid. I’m not kidding. It’s something to feel good about that you took time to nourish your body; it’s the same thing as taking time to water plants in your garden - it’s the same kind of love.
@Dolse71 - 604 days! That is awesome! Good for you brother 
@HillbillyChris Congrats brother, that’s 270 one-day-at-a-times - that’s solid. Medical issues are hard, they get right to our core. Remember life never gives you what you can’t handle. Dig deep 
@Its_me_Stella “Procrastination seems to be my go-to when I have a lot on my plate; strange yes, but I guess I just shut down” lordy do I get that, completely. Good for you for putting in the work, day by day, to be aware of your unique mental self and find your space, your rhythm, that works for you. You’re growing - and that’s great!
@mactune Good for you on those double digits! That clarity is nice isn’t it? Life is still there, life is still complex and often challenging, but you’re not running into numbness any more - and that is huge. Good work - keep it up!
@Alycia That sucks about that conversation with the accountant. I’ve had lots of days like that over the years where you get to the end of the day and feel about one inch tall. I admire your courage in getting home, looking yourself in the mirror, and saying you’ll do a simple, next right thing for yourself (a hot shower is always a good idea 
). You have strength in you like the ocean, currents running deep; you will find what you need. Keep taking it one step at a time.
@Deep 2 weeks forward, one day at a time! Good for you 
@Kareness Wow - your kids have made so much progress! That is awesome news. I think it also speaks to a stubborn desire to get better - probably runs in the family… 
Good for you guys. It’s time for a treat! Maybe a day at the water park? If that interests them
@anon53116147 I’m happy to hear you had that last moment with your grandpa. I’m sure he was grateful you were there. It’s a big loss, and I know it hurts. I think anyone would feel that way; I know I hurt deeply when my grandma died a few years back. But he is with you today, as you move into your next steps, personally (with your girls) and professionally (with whatever your next step is). Take care brother and don’t give up; one step at a time is how we all move forward, all the time
@Tomek congratulations on 557 days no booze! And the 67 days without cigarettes too. Big steps forward, one day at a time. And I’m happy to hear about your work being published! That is awesome! It’s so hard in production when you’re one part of a much larger operation; I’m happy to hear about you seeing this work in its final product. I’m glad it turned out well. Something to feel good about!
Evening Check In 
congrats!!
so I just started maki g like a tribal type of thing and just really got lost in what I wanted and can only take so much tattooing myself. Hard to stretch the skin, and just makes me super sick after about 4 hours… I’m hoping to finish blacking it out before summer really kicks off. I still like my owl on my hand just need to finish it.
