Welp, no more likes from me for the next two hours. Hit my limit.
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Checking in
Day 97
Just finished work. I got some very intense and strange thoughts going thru my mind. I had a minor panic attack while waiting for the bus. My chest feels like there is a huge weight on it. Iām on the verge of crying and Iām trying to take deep breaths. This area that Iām in now (where this new house is), is causing triggers to come up. The people, the vehicles, the vibe in this area, the smells. Itās overwhelming. Iām reminded of my childhood thru the smell of freshly cut grass, the parks, the quiet neighborhood, seeing the kids playing. Then I was getting this vibe from back home when I was a young adult and I used to live in rooming houses run by slum lords. Then the black trucks (it seemed to be popular vehicle while I was walking to the bus stop). Black trucks were for some reason the common vehicle when I was āworkingā, most of my regulars had them. Then emotions rose up. And I felt comfortable being in this area and soo uncomfortable at the same time. I have never felt this before. Idk what to make of it. I havenāt felt the feeling of not being able to breathe in such a long time. Iām on the bus but I have 2 more busses to go to get home. Idk what happened there. Almost like triggers and dejavue all at once.
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Thnx and likewise of course 
My weekend was steady and Iām still pretty much in the process of healing my body and fighting for the next step in downgrading all medications.
Loneliness and isolation really got the best of me last period and I realize that what I mentioned so many times before, that I really should g ent out of this house and get a fresh start somewhere else but there are yet a lot of pieces missing in the puzzle to get this part done
I hope everyone here had good days, steps and/or made the choices necessary to get more towards the goals or achievements that were set in everyoneās own process in sobriety.
Checking out , and getting back to be, and more importantlyā¦ Also stay around here to visit the forum and shout out if needed.
Bless yaāll
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Denver, Colorado!
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Thank you so much! I am SO proud! Iāve been around temptation but never had the urge to indulge, even when my sister of all people said āoh just have oneā referring to a Trulyā¦I said āare you serious? Iām soberā. A lot of people donāt understand this journey and think this is a ājust for nowā thing. Cause I live alone and they never really got to see how bad it was, how much I drank and how often. Iāve lived alone for a very long time, so when I tell people whatās going on with me and kind of reaching out for help, they tell me āno, youāre not that bad donāt worryā, like no, but, I amā¦ I feel like people constantly write me off like I donāt know my own habits or donāt know whatās good for me. Does this happen to anyone else?
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Congratulations on 3 years @Frantasticooo!!
Glad you stopped in to celebrate your awesome milestone with all of us. Your strength and tenacity to fight through cancer and stay sober is very admirable.
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It could be beneficial in the long term as a type of exposure therapy. I donāt recall whether you are in a clinical therapy currently but that is the safest way to be exposed to things that trigger your past, when you have a professional to process it with.
Hope youāre relying on all your tools and breath work in particular. You will be home and safe soon.
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What language are you learning? I ask due to the fact I have recently started studying Spanish. I have made it a goal to study it a bit each night. Iām using the duolingo app because its free. It seems OK, and at least it will be an introduction.
Edit: I saw in another post you are learning Dutchā¦nice!
Hasta prontoā¦
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Tried to screenshot at exactly :00 but hereās to only 2 hours before I hit 10 days. This is a goal that I have from 3yrs ago when my daughter asked and she doesnāt know but I failed them to hit 10 days. Here we go. No cravings and I just transferred my money from the last 5 sober days to my sobriety account. Up to $140 in 10 days. I started with $12/day but went back and checked it was actually $16/day so thatās the average of 10 days sober. For every 5 days I will transfer the $80 saved. Stay sober everyone hereās to a great weekend.
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Hey everyone, checking in on day 15 (30 mins away from 16).
This weekend was good, the weather was very hot and I had some nice pool time with friends. It was my first time around others in a social environment where others were drinking. I had a small craving for a few minutes but I brought a 12 pack of sparkling waters and enjoyed myself just fine 
Emotionally Iām doing alright. So many of my friends are very understanding and supportive, but my cousin has not been. I reached out to him a few days into my journey to let him know that I will be sober and focusing on that, and he never responded. It really hurts but I have to remember that sometimes people will leave your life when you take a new path. I just expected more from him since Iāve given him
unconditional love and support through challenging times in his life.
I will be okay, counting my blessings and trying not to get caught up in negativity. I hope everyone has a great one 
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Day 52
Things have been rough for my regulating emotions and everything feels weird lately.
Iām trying real hard to get to the land of ābetterā, so far away from me sometimes and so close others.
Lately my bipolar, even with meds, meditating daily, journaling and therapy; is still a real daily issue.
I keep trying.
So many mixed emotions.
I have to get used to my normal being this weird blend of factors and I think Iāll get there. Iām still stepping forward.
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I know you will get there. I also know you will get more and more comfortable āriding the waveā and keeping your balance, as time passes, as you and your brain settle into the rhythm of being functional in the world.
Youāre flourishing now - youāre catching your stride! - but itās in the early stages and it feels awkward. It will get better though; it will get more comfortable like a nice sweater.
You can do this. Be gentle with yourself, be forgiving, just focus on being present, not being perfect. You donāt have to āget thisāā¦ you just have to ālive thisā, stumbling along like the rest of us, perfectly imperfect - and you and the people you love, will be ok. Youāll be ok 
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Sorry dude Iām just seeing this. I ended up dropping my phone right when I got through checking my bags and broke my phone. Luckily I had another iPhone I just switched out.
This was the first time I traveled with a guitar as well normally I mail them. It wasnāt too bad and they were able to keep it in the closet upfront. I think itās about being respectful and the way you go about itā¦ Though on my transfer because I was one of the last people to board they almost didnāt have room in the closet area and I almost had to check. So I guess just be prepared that you might possibly have to check the instrument. I donāt think it wouldāve fit in a hard shell case in the closet area but then again if I had a hard shell case I wouldāve just checked it for $30. Itās only a Mexican telecaster but itās my favorite guitar. And I just nicely explained that Iām more concerned with my guitar getting there than even my license or clothes lol ā¦
Iām not sure about how long Iām going to be staying in Northeast Florida. Currently Iām in Fernandina Beach but Iām probably going to be trying to get a room in Saint Augustine. Tucson was a good adventure and I learned a lot about myself but there is way too much sun and no clouds or rain. I might explore somewhere else on the east coast but right now Iām just going to keep things basic and keep pushing forward alcohol free. Itās really nice to be home and I feel like I can breathe.
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Evening Check In
Day 97
Overly sensitive and emotional tonight. But gratitude is in full force. Have a goodnight everyone! U all are amazing!!!
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Day 218 AF
Quick Check in.
Busy day cleaning the apt, and chillin with the kiddos.
Things are going good, I guess. Days are getting repetitive. I came out for a long walk.
Back to the grind tomorrow.
Have a great night everyone!
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Sweet well if you make your way to NoVa country hit me up.
Itās funny my friend is a strat guy. Heās got a Mexican strat and an American one.
I love the Mexican strat. I liked it better than the flagship American strat he has, I felt it played better, felt better and a little bit better electronics change the headstock sticker and you would think itās American,
So just am Mexican strat sounds phenomenal,
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Checking in.
2 years.
20 weeks sober and hangover free.
Went to my first AlAnon meeting tonight. I finally realized after last night my life IS unmanageable with my alcoholic wife. It was great! I really needed it. And I enjoyed it. I thought I was going to have a ton of resentment after the meeting when I left my wife, wine glass in her hand after dinner. But ya know? I donāt feel resentment toward her at all. After all. I went to that meeting for me. Not her.
I learned a new slogan.
If you fall in a ditch. Donāt start decorating it.
ODAAT
Iām glad Iām here.
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Yay!!! Way to go Eric! This is such wonderful news!!!
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I cannot tell between American and Mexican fender . Maybe it possibly mattered when they were hand made ? I used to be so into buying these expensive guitars and now they are just collecting dust and I really only play my Mexican telecaster because I feel I can get any sound I want from it ā¦ The only upgrade I want to do is on the tuning pegs , I used to have this Jaguar that just had a different way of putting the string through I canāt explain itā¦ And my telecasterā¦
it needs to be completely taken apart and deep clean because I play outside with that guitar a lot