Day 117 AF
Anniversaries suck… 1 year since I lost my best mate 
I got to work this morning and just started crying.
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Beautiful! Is that wisteria?
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Sorry for your loss, Sebastian. What a beautiful dog.
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Thanks Drew.
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Checking in
Day 77
My day is VERY slowly getting better. In the past I would’ve normally just said F it all and what’s the point and make my whole situation something more extreme than it is, cuz God knows I’m good at it haha I would’ve been focused on the negative and whats wrong with me and my life and probably end up using. But right now I’m trying to look at what happened objectively and to remember that, yes… this is a crappy situation BUT my whole life is not crappy. Its been hella rough but my life today is good and I need to focus on that and then pick myself up like always do and stay clean and sober. Be my own cheerleader sometimes cuz im the one working thru that stinkin thinkin. And when it comes down to feeling crappy and using… why make myself feel shittier by using. What’s that going do for me… nothing. So I finally ate something healthy did, my makeup, folded laundry and did dishes, listened to some music and went outside for some fresh air and a walk. Going to change this day around asap and not mope and ruin my day. Thank you all for the support! hugs
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
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I am 7 months 14 days sober today which has been awesome. I’ve been accomplishing so much since I cut booze out of my life completely. I haven’t even really had any urges at all, but for some reason today I have one hitting me pretty hard. I think I just had a bad case of the Mondays today with idiots at work and I can’t stop thinking about grabbing a drink 
I have some O’Douls in my fridge from St. Patty’s when I wanted to make beer bread with non-alcoholic beer. Maybe that will kick the urge if I drink one?
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@mamador Congratulations on 30 days.
To me personally, the 30 day chip is the most important. To me it meant that for 30 days i didn’t use. I chose to say no, no matter how hard it was. It meant that i didn’t have to take the newcomer chip again. I’m definitely not saying all of my other milestones weren’t important, but the 30 day showed I could do this.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
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Day 6 ending. I could do some amendments. I hope to Celebrate tomorrow one week
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@anon53116147 Glad u are back. But u gotta try something more for ur recovery. Go to a dr, get to meetings, something. You clearly cannot do it alone and each time u relapse, apart from risking dying, u do more stuff to feel guilty and shameful about. You are in a hole, stop digging.
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93AF, 4PMO.
Mixed feelings today, lots of cravings for PMO. I used PMO so much to deal with staying AF. Now staying PMO Free and AF is really hard, feeling down all day.
Had my job interview that went well so I’ll be working soon. Boredom or not being productive are both huge triggers for PMO and finally drinking so I hope having a job will make it easier. Have a great day everyone 
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675 days sober. Closing in on 2 years sober. I feel good. Getting to know myself, self reflection, growth. Acceptance. Yes I still feel bad at times but that is part of life. The feelings have to be felt but I don’t have to become the emotion or deny their existence. It is qhat ir is, and the next moment, it is something completely different.
I feel beautiful. Not beautiful in the sense that I am observed by someone else, but beautiful in all that I am. Whether or not I am observed. I am not Shrödingers cat. I am me. 
And I am clean and sober!
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Checking in with 34 days, hope you all have a wonderful day x
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Day 123.
OMFG I did not sleep at all last night. Usually I can deal, but today was a big fat NO. I was in such a pissy snarky mood. I really should not have been around people. But I had pts to see!
I wanted to check in just to whine (kinda,like I’m doing now…) but thought wwtsd.
What would talking sober tell me to do.
They would tell me to get out of my head. They would tell me to find something to be grateful for! And they would tell me to do something for someone else.
And that’s exactly what I did. I still remained really really tired . Really really fatigued. But I think my attitude improved just a bit so I thank you all for living in my head. Didn’t know there was any more room …lol.
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Thank you for these informations! Much appreciated!
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Day 62 of no self harm In a few hours.
I have anjob interview tomorrow and Thursday. I’ve been applying to jobs for months and these are the only interviews I’ve gotten . If I don’t get one of these jobs I don’t what I’m gonna do. I can’t take living with my parents much longer.
I just feel bad today. I’m not sure why. My mental state has gotten so bad this last week or so. I had therapy today and it went well, but I still feel lost. I didn’t tell my therapist the full extent of my mindset because I’d probably be determined as a danger to myself. I wouldn’t mind the hospital, issue is I can’t afford it. It’s just not an option. So seeking true help isn’t an option. I don’t want to kill myself, but I feel so out of out control and unsafe I truly don’t know what I’d do if given the chance. For now I just have to keep busy.
Something positive: i scheduled my college classes for the fall and summer today. Have some exciting ones coming up
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2 years 2 months and 11 days. I have been busy. I am getting my position upped from hostess to server at my new job. I got a sponsor. I have a boyfriend who’s sober (he is currently locked up … we knew one another in high school) but kind of had a way of being brought together by our HP and falling for one another… and I am happy. He gets out in like 6 months but yeah… anyway I have been going to a lot of meetings and I am trying to lose some of this recovery weight !! I started Noom bc it got recommended to me… I am only like 3 days in but so far so good… I’m really hoping this works. I have been staying consistent with the workouts and also with work, we get about 6,000 to 9,000 steps each time so yeah it adds up… well I got off some
Heavy duty psych meds and I also got my license reinstated since I got a DWI seven years ago … I just have to take the tests. So things are going really really good. I just am getting so irritated with my roommate. She doesn’t do anything. She is in recovery too but doesn’t do anything for her recovery or mental health besides literally sit in her room
And lay in her bed and stay on her phone all day then wonder why her mental
Health doesn’t get better . She triggers me because she reminds me of
When my mental
Health was really bad except she just
Doesn’t do shit about it… I just hate it… I was having the scariest thoughts running thru my mind and I had to beg God to take it away from me and He did for the most part but He also taught me to handle it when it comes up rather than hiding in my bed afraid of
The world … I can’t handle the reminder and seeing her just sit in it and I try to help and she doesn’t want the help …
She wants to stay stuck in her ways… I get so
Pissed off about it I don’t wanna be around her and shes always having ppl in our apartment 24/7 like I don’t want someone in here constantly I want some quiet and I want my own space it’s annoying af… I want to leave where I live at… I just want to move into my own place and I believe my HP will get me there when it is His will but I need some peace and serenity while this is going on. I am upset and have a resentment with her. Anyway glad to be on the forum and thanks for
All the support .
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Day 16 here, and I just re-upped on dark chocolate. I cannot get enough of the stuff… I hope its not like this forever, or I’m going to weigh 300 pounds!!
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I’ve been all about the liquid death sparkling water. Mango and berry are yummy. Then topo chico sparkling mineral water… those one are ridiculously bubbly! I add a little juice to perrier or other plain sparkling waters too
Evening Check In
Day 77
I decided to do some self care in about 1 hour. Going to have a bath with lavender and relax. My hubby and I are weird around each other so that doesn’t help. Almost feels like roommates. But I’m not pushing the subject, just being civil and kind. Time will help this all pass. I am very beyond grateful that I didn’t use over this. Intense emotion has always been a trigger for me and hubby still has money from his pay cheque. Would’ve been too easy but it’s not. Using isn’t easy. It’s hard. Using drugs is soo hard. There would be no way I could deal with it… the physical or mental or emotional especially. But here I am clean and sober. Another day to add! I really hope u all are well. I haven’t been myself today and I didn’t read up on everyone’s check ins. I hope u all are okay. And I am glad to see people coming back and celebrating milestones!
Hugs!
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Rounding off 16 days today. I had the kind of craving this evening where you try to convince yourself that if u had one drink you could control it. But I know me better than that and one shot equals at least 6 more, or just taking drags off the bottle! Neither of which was how I wanted to end my night bc I dont want to feel like hammered shit tomorrow! But I did notice that by not giving in to the craving, it put me in a funky mood almost immediately. I got up and made dinner to snap out of it, i love cooking, but tonight was easy since we had some sour tummies here today, just soup and salad, so it didnt take hardly any time to put together. Forced myself to smile at my humans while we ate, hoping the smile outside would reach inside… but im still not fully out of the funk. When the kiddos are done with their showers and in bed I think im going to just take a long hot shower and just kinda melt this day off me. It wasn’t a bad day, nor was it great either. It’s just a meh kind of day I suppose. Back at the gym tomorrow since my breathing has improved since being sick. Bag is packed. Intention is set. Fingers crossed I don’t talk myself out of it like I did this morning… maybe that’s why today was meh. I broke the day by not following my intention I set a last night. Oh well. Restart the mood tomorrow… fresh for 17 days AF!
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