Hello everyone, on day 29 (hours away from day 30) of no alcohol or weed here. I’m going to a meeting later this morning since it’s been a few weeks due to being in my intensive outpatient program (IOP). I’m excited to go to this meeting to get my 30 days chip, but to also meet a few members of my IOP in person! This meeting is open to all but is focused on the LGBTQ+ community and I always love interacting with members of my community.
My sleep varies from night to night, but I am overall doing well! Feeling a lot better in my mental and physical health without weed or alcohol. We got a puppy yesterday and she’s so sweet, and also another way to occupy my time/distract from any cravings. I will say I did not adopt a puppy with that in mind, but I’ve already seen the benefit of having another being to care for.
A few days ago I had checked in with a big and exciting update about work, and I’m proud to say that I accepted my job offer! The position is within the same team and division at my work, I’m being promoted to my boss’ old position while she moves into an overhead supervisory role. I guess it’s safe to say that I will now be middle management, which is a huge step up for me as I’m 26 years old and never imagined being someone’s boss. Thankfully I have the whole month of June to transition into my new role, but I am feeling excited as I will be a state employee and not a contractor anymore. Things really feel like they’re falling into place, and I could not be more pleased with my life at the moment.
I hope that everyone has a lovely and sober day. Let’s make it a good one!
Oh my goodness @Becsta . I couldn’t have wished for a better reply I don’t think. I feel like this is just exactly what I needed to read right now - and so fantastically written too. It sang to me even more because of it. It actually sounded like the kind of thing I would have written if I would have been in your position, sharing a cautionary tale. And I think that that was what has stopped me dead in my tracks.
“Then around the 8th year that cunning and ever so patient little voice began its whisper in my ear until it became a roar that convinced me I could succeed at moderation”.
This idea jumped into my mind a few months ago, and it surfaces every now and again. It’s still that whisper, but i fear it may be getting louder. I recently noticed I was fabricating excuses as to why it might be a good idea to try to moderate. The best one was “I should do this. It would be good for my mental health, if i could overcome this feeling of inadequacy pertaining to the fact that I have to abstain from something.” Like it had a control over me. But the truth is, of course, is that by abstaining, I AM in control over it. And you could say that the little voice in my head is actually owned by the alcoholism/or drink, enticing me in, and if I was to ignore and fight against that, then that would be the control further gained. It’s all about perspective in this one eh?
It’s scary to think that my dark days could come back and that they could be darker. Thankfully, right now, I am reading your message and for the first time, I’m questioning my everpresent thought of 'If i relapsed, I would be only drinking for a week max before I’d be back ‘good’ again.
I should let this sink in. I am going to save your words to a document I keep for certain things that I need to remind myself of. It is the first of this nature that I put in there. Thank you so very much for contributing here, for me, and others.
Congratulations on your 90 days! You should be really proud of yourself that you have reached the 90 days and that you have the situation under control. Very well done
Checking in, day 576. I’m having a difficult time and not really sure why, I don’t see any particular reason for that. I’m irritable and moody all the time. I’m tired of juggling with addictions, just tired of being myself. It feels as if there was a ceiling my addict brain cannot break through. I get very close, and then when it seems to be within reach, I fall back down. I used to think that cross-addictions are just something I can live with and face them later eventually, but now I start to think that these minor addictions are the final boss, it is still the same many-faced beast, but they are many, they’re sneaky, and I’m just as powerless as I used to be.
Day 723 clean and sober today. I love the fact that I can come to this forum and feel instantly connected and get some peace without even saying or posting anything. It’s a comfort just recognizing all the familiar names I’ve come to know over the last almost 2 years that I’ve been here. Found out yesterday that we lost another kid to a Fentanyl overdose Friday night. Once again my heart breaks for the parents left behind when something like this happens. Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys
Hi everyone, I hope that you are all well.
Over here, on the train heading to CH, it’s pouring as we go through the alps… currently stopped in Domodossola. Given the pouring rain, it’s nice to be on the train !
Off we go…
Have a good day everyone.
So day 23 now I’m happy about that. Seems like it’s just easier now to say No to myself even if a thought creeps in. I feel like my brain is getting back to a reasonable evaluation point. Like when it was heavy drinking and not giving myself a chance to process thoughts I would just buy another bottle. Now, like the other day shopping thoughts crept in, I was able to say to myself, “what’s it really worth to TRY to have a class of wine with my wife?” I know she would have just a tiny glass then I would finish the bottle most likely right from the bottle. It’s a real advantage now without the cloud to be able to realize that it’s not worth it. This morning my headaches seem to be gone. I’m hoping that’s over with because I was in real pain behind my eyes and I’ve never had unbearable headaches before. So kinda like when I was drinking I thought every pain was going to be catastrophic like a heart attack or liver failure. Last night those thoughts were coming back, like oh I’ve made irreparable damage with my drinking and this could be much worse than a headache. Overall I’m feeling great. We start our vacation next week on the 10th stopping around Houston TX then Pensacola FL.
Glad your here Tom! I feel like service work is sooo important. Giving back is crucial bcuz honestly if others did give so freely to me, I would very very likely not be here. I myself have had so much support in many diff ways (recovery related or not) over the past 22 years of addiction. I have taken alot of what I have learned over those years and am now at 111 days clean from all mind altering susbtances But I couldn’t have done it without others doing service work. So I really think it’s amazing that u want to reach out and be of service! Welcome to the forum! I look forward to reading ur posts!
Morning Check in Day 111
Felt a little off waking up. I feel like a bitter person today lol but I am working on changing my attitude. What good will being miserable do me? Lol I woke up, got ready for work, and then caught the bus. It’s super misty and rainy here today and I LOVE IT! The weather itself and all the beautiful green trees just boosted my mood. I have alot to be grateful for. I did my prayer and spent time with my HP on the way to work. Now I’m here and hoping for a great day! Working on clearing my mind from that resentment and living in the moment. Focusing on the now and what I need to do today. Going to be upbeat and positive and motivated today!
Hope everyone has an addiction free day! Hugs TS fam!
That’s awesome! I’m excited to hear about the samba. That music is a lot of fun to listen to. It gets the hips moving
Hi all, checking in today at 5 days 18 hrs (almost 6 ). I am on my way back to my home town after my trip to the conference with my friend. I’m feeling constructive.
Over the last couple of days I’ve had a couple people here share with me that they appreciate my shares, that it rounds me out as a contributor here, hearing about my struggles and my progress on my path. It warmed my heart to hear them say that For me this checking in and sharing more deliberately is a new practice, and I think it helps me be more conscious of myself, more aware, and also less trying to “know everything” before I share; I am working on being more accepting of my incompleteness.
On the road now. Thanks all. You’re incomplete and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way: you’re perfect.
Day 5. I can’t lie while it was a great weekend with my girls, I had some irritable grouchy moments and was snappy and cranky and now all I can think about is how this is what the girls are gonna remember while I’m gone, Im sad and can’t stop beating myself up for it. Plz put in this work Mike so you can come back and be a happy, fun and loving father the girls need me as there safe place, not a grouchy prick… I’m packing up some stuff, need to go to the store and get some stuff I don’t have. it’s feeling more real and I’m tense and scared and sad and happy and so many emotions. I know this is for the better tho. Much love
Day 16 (Part 1) - I’m doing an early check in today. It’s been a tough weekend all in all. I’m trying to keep busy but I’ve been alone for most of the last 4 days which has not been good for me. I have
The temptation has been there but I have managed to ward it off. The main thing that is causing it is loneliness. I feel completely isolated and empty today. Despite having a productive morning (I went swimming and did some writing).
I’ve been sat here for a few hours now missing my kids, trying to contact some old friends who I’ve not spoken to in a while, researched local groups for meet ups and tried to arrange things for future weekends. All forward and positive things to do but it doesn’t solve the feeling I’ve got right now. I don’t expect it to but it still sucks.
In many ways I feel like I’ve got to the route cause of my addiction. The thing that drove me to PMO. At first it was the loneliness (which I remember feeling even as a kid) then came the social anxiety and awkwardness that came from spending so much time alone, then came the teenage years where drinking and PMO masked the pain and anxiety I was feeling and clouded my judgement. I made all those choices but it all started with the loneliness.
And now I am sat here with it. My constant companion. It feels like the final piece of the puzzle, the hardest piece the solve.
I am incredibly grateful for you all being on this forum and allowing me to share this. It’s a hard road but I am bouyed by the progress we are all making. Whether we are on day 1 or 1000.
This is my battle but it’s nice to know I am not doing it alone anymore.
update
Just as I finished writing that my ex rang and I spoke to the kids (who had just come back from camp). It was lovely to speak to them and it banished the loneliness for 5 minutes.
I will be thinking of you and will have your family and yourself in my prayers while you take this great life changing step forward.
What your doing is amazing, im so proud to see you take this step and keeping your strength up, once you get there you can put yourself first and get well.
I know you can do this.
I know right now it might not all make sense and it feels alien, but nothing makes sense straight away.
We cant see ourselves why something may be good for us even though it hurts, things happen or need to happen and its then we realise we have opened up new opportunities and a solid base for ourselves to keep growing.
Your a good man, and a good dad and although this is a hard decision you have made it is the best one for you and for your family. Im proud of you
I hope everyone is having a strong sober day. Having all my family round for Sunday dinner. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, I just hate having to prepare a meal for 21 people, then have the clean up that comes after it but I have to embrace these times as I never know when we may all end up together again. My sister lives in Scotland, my parents in London so they meet at mine being somewhere in the middle. My biggest thing is my parents both have COPD and my dad also recently had lung cancer, add to that the fact that they aren’t getting any younger and I always worry that it may be the last time I see them together. That causes me more pain that anything and makes these days so hard, but so enjoyable!
I’m prepared! Raincoat, rainpants and an umbrella. 2 pair of hikingshoes each.
Just arrived at the hotel and surprised to see we got a small appartment! Paid 200 euro in total for it. For 2 nights, 2 breakfasts and 1 dinner for 2 persons
if I would have been in your position, sharing a cautionary tale. And I think that that was what has stopped me dead in my tracks.
But I couldn’t have done it without others doing service work. So I really think it’s amazing that u want to reach out and be of service! Welcome to the forum! I look forward to reading ur posts!
Morning Check in 
hope ur doing well 
). I am on my way back to my home town after my trip to the conference with my friend. I’m feeling constructive.
