That’s awesome! I’m excited to hear about the samba. That music is a lot of fun to listen to. It gets the hips moving
Hi all, checking in today at 5 days 18 hrs (almost 6 ). I am on my way back to my home town after my trip to the conference with my friend. I’m feeling constructive.
Over the last couple of days I’ve had a couple people here share with me that they appreciate my shares, that it rounds me out as a contributor here, hearing about my struggles and my progress on my path. It warmed my heart to hear them say that For me this checking in and sharing more deliberately is a new practice, and I think it helps me be more conscious of myself, more aware, and also less trying to “know everything” before I share; I am working on being more accepting of my incompleteness.
On the road now. Thanks all. You’re incomplete and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way: you’re perfect.
Day 5. I can’t lie while it was a great weekend with my girls, I had some irritable grouchy moments and was snappy and cranky and now all I can think about is how this is what the girls are gonna remember while I’m gone, Im sad and can’t stop beating myself up for it. Plz put in this work Mike so you can come back and be a happy, fun and loving father the girls need me as there safe place, not a grouchy prick… I’m packing up some stuff, need to go to the store and get some stuff I don’t have. it’s feeling more real and I’m tense and scared and sad and happy and so many emotions. I know this is for the better tho. Much love
Day 16 (Part 1) - I’m doing an early check in today. It’s been a tough weekend all in all. I’m trying to keep busy but I’ve been alone for most of the last 4 days which has not been good for me. I have
The temptation has been there but I have managed to ward it off. The main thing that is causing it is loneliness. I feel completely isolated and empty today. Despite having a productive morning (I went swimming and did some writing).
I’ve been sat here for a few hours now missing my kids, trying to contact some old friends who I’ve not spoken to in a while, researched local groups for meet ups and tried to arrange things for future weekends. All forward and positive things to do but it doesn’t solve the feeling I’ve got right now. I don’t expect it to but it still sucks.
In many ways I feel like I’ve got to the route cause of my addiction. The thing that drove me to PMO. At first it was the loneliness (which I remember feeling even as a kid) then came the social anxiety and awkwardness that came from spending so much time alone, then came the teenage years where drinking and PMO masked the pain and anxiety I was feeling and clouded my judgement. I made all those choices but it all started with the loneliness.
And now I am sat here with it. My constant companion. It feels like the final piece of the puzzle, the hardest piece the solve.
I am incredibly grateful for you all being on this forum and allowing me to share this. It’s a hard road but I am bouyed by the progress we are all making. Whether we are on day 1 or 1000.
This is my battle but it’s nice to know I am not doing it alone anymore.
update
Just as I finished writing that my ex rang and I spoke to the kids (who had just come back from camp). It was lovely to speak to them and it banished the loneliness for 5 minutes.
I will be thinking of you and will have your family and yourself in my prayers while you take this great life changing step forward.
What your doing is amazing, im so proud to see you take this step and keeping your strength up, once you get there you can put yourself first and get well.
I know you can do this.
I know right now it might not all make sense and it feels alien, but nothing makes sense straight away.
We cant see ourselves why something may be good for us even though it hurts, things happen or need to happen and its then we realise we have opened up new opportunities and a solid base for ourselves to keep growing.
Your a good man, and a good dad and although this is a hard decision you have made it is the best one for you and for your family. Im proud of you
I hope everyone is having a strong sober day. Having all my family round for Sunday dinner. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, I just hate having to prepare a meal for 21 people, then have the clean up that comes after it but I have to embrace these times as I never know when we may all end up together again. My sister lives in Scotland, my parents in London so they meet at mine being somewhere in the middle. My biggest thing is my parents both have COPD and my dad also recently had lung cancer, add to that the fact that they aren’t getting any younger and I always worry that it may be the last time I see them together. That causes me more pain that anything and makes these days so hard, but so enjoyable!
I’m prepared! Raincoat, rainpants and an umbrella. 2 pair of hikingshoes each.
Just arrived at the hotel and surprised to see we got a small appartment! Paid 200 euro in total for it. For 2 nights, 2 breakfasts and 1 dinner for 2 persons
I understand what you mean about feeling connected when your here, i do too. I spend most of my time on my own all the time. Even when i drank i was in my room by myself. I think iv learnt to enjoy my own company too much and lost alot of confidence to meet people, especially sober. And i too feel connected here, where people i have got to know better and the ones im still gettting know who are caring and supportive.
I find it such a powerful thing to be able to be here with everyone.
To feel apart of something also, maybe.
I know i wouldnt be sober today without all of the support i receive here.
Resentments, boundaries and learning how to communicate in ways that don’t offend people have all been big box items for me to unpack in my recovery. As you know I have shit the bed on my DBT thread but I am still going to therapy and we are currently doing Interpersonal Effectiveness. I will try to at least share some videos that pertain to the work we are doing as this type of interactionon will be a big part
You are doing so well in your recovery. I read your posts and because you are so tansparent I can literally envision your forward movement with slight knocks backwards. Then I see little settling moments and sudden forward projection again. It’s beautiful to witness and be a part of so thanks again for always coming back and never giving up on yourself.
I can relate to this soooo much, me too! And yes, just seeing peoples names here brings me comfort. Thank you for caring, I’ll get through this one too. I’m glad you’re here and I’m proud of you
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Your strength is so pure, it gives me strength.
Iv ran out of likes every one sorry, i am reading and replying to what i can, i am gratefull to be here with you all.
Have a lovely sober day to you all.
I love you too my friend Your post made me tear up lol I’m such a suck these days haha its totally okay about thr DBT thread. It’s always there if u ever want to post in it again but i do know how important it is also to just spend time on our own recoveries. I find that I go thru phases. Some phases I’m all super into helping others and providing suggestions and whatnot. Other phases I find that it just takes alot out of me to help. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just sometimes I don’t have thr energy to even type. If ur up for sharing videos, I would be more than happy to look at them. But really no pressure. My communication skills have improved alot but certain topics that I get overly passionate about trigger me and it’s harder to stay as calm. We are all a work in progress thanks for post girl! I loved reading it!
Taking it one day at a time. 35.5 days free from weed and alcohol. Im feeling better today after sleeping all day yesterday. I have a few to dos today but taking it easy. I miss my pink cloud of joy i felt days 7-25 but hey all good things have to come to an end. Time to buckle down and find a sponsor.
). I am on my way back to my home town after my trip to the conference with my friend. I’m feeling constructive.
Your post made me tear up lol I’m such a suck these days haha its totally okay about thr DBT thread. It’s always there if u ever want to post in it again but i do know how important it is also to just spend time on our own recoveries. I find that I go thru phases. Some phases I’m all super into helping others and providing suggestions and whatnot. Other phases I find that it just takes alot out of me to help. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just sometimes I don’t have thr energy to even type. If ur up for sharing videos, I would be more than happy to look at them. But really no pressure. My communication skills have improved alot but certain topics that I get overly passionate about trigger me and it’s harder to stay as calm. We are all a work in progress 
