Finally caught up on all the posts from 42 since I left on my vacation! It only took me 3 days haha, I’m about a third of the way through 43, I will finish that tonight when I have my me time in the backyard. Until then…
@planipennia Thanks, I’m glad I made it too. I don’t fly that often so I’m still a wiener about it lol
@DLS Man, flying is really stressful lol. I heard that the first 5 mins and the last 8 mins are the most dangerous times in flight so I’m constantly telling myself 5 up 8 down 5 up 8 down, and looking at my watch lol, in a weird way it kinda helps hahaha
@maxwell Omg we could be twins in the klutz game. On vacation, within a 24 hour period, I walked into a trailer hitch, full stride, took me all the way out now I have a goose egg monster sized bruise above my right knee, and gravel holes in my other knee. Then I was trying to hoist myself up out of the water onto a little pontoon fishing boat, damn near sliced the whole tip of my toe off, still couldn’t get on the boat and had to swim back to shore with this skin flap on my toe… like nemo’s weird little flipper… and then somehow (thinking a dog rubbed up against me) I got poison oak… and its ALL on the same leg lolol. Drunk or sober, I’m graceful like a gazelle hahaha. But I hope by now that you are feeling at least a little better.
@bluekoolaid good luck on your next adventure home man, I’m a little bummed I never got to see you play guitar! I haven’t been downtown/4th for a long time… I’m assuming that’s where you would have been able to play to the masses lol. I would love to read that story about Tucson sometime, but I agree, we need more clouds and rain haha.
@JB.5280 Send me some of that cold weather! Its already over 100 degrees where I live lolol
@cjp I love that, that’s how it felt for me. It just wasn’t working for me anymore, I love that I now have words to put to what I felt in the beginning of this journey. Happy to see you so excited about your new job!
@dazercat I LOVE that saying, I feel like I need to share that with my mom, she is currently struggling with her sobriety a lot, and is currently decorating her ditch…
@KatieO Welcome!!! Took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out how to post lolol. I feel like I just replied to people all the time until I figured it out haha.
@dansig What a great feeling, congrats to your kiddo for kickin butt!!
CONGRATS TO ALL THE MILESTONERS OUT THERE AS WELL!!! AMAZING JOBS ALL OF YOU!!!
I see soo many of you drinking sparkling water to help with those cravings, it’s literally the only thing that helps with my cravings so I’m glad I’m not alone lol
Tonight will be day 86 of no self harm
Started typing yesterday’s check in (yesterday was fine) but I got distracted and never finished. Nothing of note from yesterday.
My dog was in my bed last night (it’s a twin mattress and she’s about 60 pounds so very little room) which means I didn’t actually get any good sleep until she got out of my bed at about 6. So I ended up sleeping till noon. Still really tired, had some really bad nightmares, and I woke up with a headache. Other than that I’m ok. My friends are all busy today but I’m ok with just relaxing and coloring and playing games tonight anyway.
Tomorrow I have therapy and one of my cousin’s graduations to go to. Not looking forward to it. He’s fine and all, he’s just not around much and he didn’t go to my graduation. It’s mostly the fact that his high school’s graduation for last year took around 5 hours. And his last name starts with an O so we have to wait quite a while even if we all leave right after he’s called. But everyone wants to take pictures with him too. My mom is forcing me to dress nice and wear at least a little bit of makeup. I can tolerate that, but just the concept of sitting next to my family for so long not doing anything else to distract myself isn’t fun. I think I might just be on my phone the whole time. maybe that’s rude, but I do not have the ability to sit there and do nothing for that long without my mind going bad places. Might cause drama but I don’t care.
Something positive: actually enjoying spending today alone
Day 18-
Long day today….hmmmm…I’m bored. Boredom is a drag. It causes one to think about drifting away. Just staring out the window like my golden retriever. I missed my daily check in with my sponsor. I feel bad about this…huh. It rained today, so I neglected to go on my walk. So, I guess I have been pretty “unproductive” today. At least, I have stayed sober. Tomorrow is another day. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon (yes!). I’m getting into the groove of interviewing. It takes work! Geez…oh well. Appreciate reading everyone’s posts.
On the turntable…
Vince Guaraldi Trio
“A Boy Named Charlie Brown”
Fantasy Records
2021
Its so easy to take a drink. It only takes a moment. Once we take that drink everything changes in that moment.
We don’t notice that in the moment. We don’t want to. We want alcohol to work for us. That’s all we want to see.
My perception became distorted Immediately. Alcohol lying to me, me lying to myself. Everything I thought I knew about recovery was gone. Alcohol was doing my thinking now.
It manipulated my thinking. It kept me disconnected from support. It discredited my support.
It magnified anything negative about recovery. It denied everything good about recovery. It told me my sober time was a complete waste of time. It told me I would never do that again. It took away nearly ten years of work all in a moment.
I wasn’t even drunk yet. I hadn’t finished my first beer.
I question everything I thought I knew about recovery before. Most of its good. Good information, and practices.
It’s nice to reflect back on previous milestones and remember the freedom I had as I grew in recovery before.
I’ve found that I cannot rely on those experiences. I have to do it all over again. I have to do the work in order to get the growth today.
I have recently become more willing to do more things that I haven’t been willing to do.
I am my biggest obstacle. I constantly remind myself.
I’m still scared shitless of losing myself in a moment. I have to remain willing to go to any length to prevent that from happening ever again.
I’m glad your back!
Thank you, Jason. This makes so much sense to me - I can relate to so much of it.
Things happened, this last 200 days and particularly the last month, that can’t happen ever again. I can’t ignore that fact, and I too have to be willing to go to any length to prevent losing myself in a moment.
I went to some of those lengths yesterday and this morning. I told my employer (boss, HR Manager, and CEO - three strong women) that I am struggling with alcohol addiction and will be needing time for my recovery. I expected some questions about how this has affected my work, etc - and I had (and have) every intention of answering them honestly. What I got instead was supportive feedback, commending me on my courage to be vulnerable and offering whatever support I needed.
My next step? Telling my dearest oldest friends - my family, really - that I’m in addiction recovery. They have known me to enjoy wine a lot, and also known me to be able to curb it at times, but I need them to understand I identify as an addict.
It does feel good to speak the truth.
Thank you so much for the example of you. 
1 month down, a lifetime to go. Feeling grateful and excited about this life. Going to play some golf with a sober buddy to celebrate! Much love yall, one day at a mother’s fuckin time!
I’m glad your work is supportive! That’s a huge stress relief. I’m happy for you!
Your family and friends will be happy for you and proud of you.
@JennyH ffs, who smiles at the chemist? I loathe it when people make those kind of comments for a myriad of reasons. Brush it off 
And about ur health worker 
. My daughter still needs cuddling to sleep at 9. As almost all Japanese children do. And they sleep alone just fine later.
@mno “human fossil” 
@M-be-free49 Truth in that. Thanks for sharing
@onthewagon31 Congratulations!
Finally! About time you came back! Now I can finally stop going to the “You are missed” thread. 
Just kidding.
Once again, welcome back. 
Thank you so much I’m sure I’ll be back at least a visit. I actually Street performed at shopping centers more than anything. The frys off pantano and Speedway… I played at that shopping center for three months, there is some restaurants and other things in this courtyard area. Also the sprouts shopping center on Broadway and pantano. The safe way off Sabino canyon … So pretty much like a 5 to 10 mile radius I just hit all of the shopping centers and rotated them. I would just try to set up where there is the most foot traffic… Downtown can be fun but you also have to deal with a lot of bullshit
I don’t have any social media or SoundCloud or anything but I’m going to try to start recording my music fairly shortly and once I do I can send you some for sure. I would say my top three influence is Hendrix , sublime and nirvana… I just write simple songs using a loop pedal and just create whatever is in my head and it’s mostly blues rock influenced more than anything. But I also play drums and some other instruments… Street performing with my electric guitar is by far my favorite way to perform
Day 95… I’ve been feeling sick since Sunday and I took an at home COVID test and it was negative however today i just felt really bad and I decided to take a rapid at urgent care and it was positive 
. Please keep me in your prayers as I sit home alone for the next week.
That number! 
nice catch.
yesssss sweet numbers @AyBee keep going 
@M-be-free49 welcome back dear one this post is partly inspired by your return
So grateful to be working on a new chapter of my life. I have not posted a check in forever, at least not on this thread. Some of you will recognize me from being a daily member of the gratidudes and posting selfie’s, sports chats or the halt thread I started and so on.
So…
I am all packed up ready to move out of my sober living home tomorrow. I have lived here since July 20th 2020. I will be moving into a one bedroom apartment to live alone for the first time. I always had roommates, girlfriends or a spouse.
I am nervous but ready. I spent two years not working. I volunteered in the kitchen and hosted twelve step meetings for over a year of that time at the treatment center whose housing I have been living in. I reached a point where it was time to challenge myself and get back to work. I did that and found a line cook job. I just quit said job after six successful months there and gave notice and have a reference. These are all first time things work wise for me. I always quit or got fired due to well, you know, booze and drugs.
I accepted the opportunity to move out of supportive sober living to once again challenge myself. I have learned I need to do this to keep moving forward. I say these things to others so I must do them myself. I strive to loose that old defect of being a hypocrite. One of many defects. Speaking of defects check out @Englishd defect of the day thread it’s a good one. Anyway… right …moving forward.
So I am moving. I will be looking into school since I epically failed college the first go around twenty something years ago. I literally went into a class around five times. I will continue rebuilding relationships with my family. I will have opportunities to continue making amends once I move as it’s to a community where I spent most of my life. It will as I said be challenging. I have faith now though in a higher power, this forum, 12 steps. I have consellors and hope to find a sponsor again, a good one this time. This will be my fifth or sixth one. So yes challenge myself as I already have. Some numbers I am proud of to follow that help give me strength to keep going Odaat
Adding different timers as I have travelled this recovery road has been yet another of those challenges that turn out to be gifts.
Thanks for being here with me everyone as we keep moving forward. You all matter.
God bless you all. 
& 
P.s. You are amazing, I believe in you. Ya you!!
late to the party but I’m so happy for you and proud of you. I always knew you had it in you. Keep it simple, keep moving forward. 
1 for all and all for 1.
Thank you hun
Hey!!! Thanks I really appreciate that!!! Thanks for the advice too… keeping it simple is not always in my makeup lol but I am trying
Nice Job Jess.
Congrats 
