Day 7 - I made it to a week. Hooray! Since about day 4 I’ve felt like my feelings have closed off again and I am trying to figure out why.
Apart from that its been a good day. I am back in the big city for the weekend and saw Nathaniel Rateliff live which was amazing! Despite the city containing a lot of places that are potentially triggering I haven’t been tempted to go down those paths.
This weekend is all about allowing myself to do things I want to do. I tend to put others first so I am trying to do stuff for me for once. It is hard particularly when I see families out having fun and see it through the lense of my seperation. I miss my kids even though I spent the last day with them. There is so much going on in my life now that it’s hard to pull apart all the feelings into identifiable things. I need to give myself the chance to feel. To slow down and listen.
I am grateful though. For an old friend who came with me to the gig tonight, for having the chance to do things for myself and to @Matt for his great advice that has helped get me this far.
You have listened and given me some great advice and resources. Be kind to yourself over the coming days. What we have isn’t easy, but we move forward together.
I’m going through my daughter’s closet. Cleaning out some things. Was thinking about having a drink more than I have in a while but got past the craving. It’s day 58 and it does seem when I get close to a specific milestone I start to feel a little anxious. I’m feeling less depressed than I was for the last week or so. I started feeling motivated to do some spring cleaning but when I found this book I used to read to my daughter “The Chronicles of Narnia” I was overwhelmed with sadness as I remember lying in bed and reading to her but sometimes noticing that I was slurring my words because I’d had too much to drink and sometimes falling asleep mid sentence when she would gently look at me and say “mommy are you falling asleep?” You guys- it makes me feel awful. Yeah I’m super happy to be where I am today though, and those are small disappointments in comparison to many other situations I know, but it still breaks my heart to know that I could have been a better parent for many years if I hadn’t been drinking.
Yes it’s nice to feel not alone going through things and that we can stick together for support! I wish I had down time lol!! Kids a man and welp I don’t get to stop till everyone is in bed and asleep so my down time is when I’m dropping into bed hahah…
Hey! I haven’t checked in for a while. Happily I’m still sober, now at day 211!
I’m excited to start the three day weekend in such a healthy spot. I’m still swimming most mornings, sleeping well, and continuing to make it through one day at a time. I’m very lucky.
My husband has joined the journey, and he’s 30 days in now! He’s had some experience with this, went six years sober once before. He decided it was time to go again. So we are starting out our summer with a step in the right direction.
The school year is winding down and I’m looking forward to some time off this summer. I’m planning to camp and read and write some curriculum this summer. My garden is getting off to a slow start due to weird weather, but it will catch up.
I wish you all a lovely holiday weekend and I hope you find peace and a sense of calm each day.
Today was a red journal day just because of one person. As soon as I started talking to them I immediately felt the need to just drink. I didn’t I’m sober still and watched my son play tball not his best game but his team won again. 11:0 for the season. I’m getting ready to play some video games (I’m not a big gamer) as a distraction for an hour. After that one hour of my tv show I’m watching. Then sleep stories on calm app.
I have to vent. The hubby is being a moody asshole to me today. Ive done nothing to him. I think apart of him is threatened by my resolve to stay sober and making sober buddies. He’s already told me on multiple occasions that he doesnt want to have to change his lifestyle because he likes drinking. Hes a big drinker too but wont admit it to himself. Oh well, live and let god. Dont get me wrong he said he wont bring booze in the house and supports me BUT i get the feeling hes threatened by my newfound growth. Im just going to avoid the moody prick and go about my night. Happy i didnt drink today.
Haha yeah I know the feels! I don’t get as much time as I’d like to do my hobby stuff, I normally crochet while watching tv at the end of the day if I’m not dead tired, and I take mine to my sons footy training and crochet in the car (so lame hahaha). It’s really relaxing tho.
My cousin graduated. I’m happy for him. My whole family was there (outside of my grandpa). Everyone was giving him so many hugs and they all were talking about how proud they were
I just feel awful. I got one hug from my grandpa and I have literally never heard my family say they’re proud of me. I graduated last year. I just don’t understand why I’m the black sheep of the family. I don’t know what happened that I’m so different and left out.
You are doing great and I am proud of you! I hope you will be proud of yourself too! Sometimes families are just strange and do hurtful things… I am sorry xoxo
#Day 1347
Feeling a bit better day by day. This morning was the first since 11 days I could get out of bed without cursing out of pain Still having some but is was doable! Progress!!
I try to walk short distances every day to help my body heal and get back my strenght. My neighbour offered me her companionship and I’m going to accept it. I do not trust my body well enough to walk alone yet.
My youngest went to his first festival of 3 days with a friend. He’s 19 years old. We talked about alcohol and stuff before he went. I will never have a “normal” opinion about alcohol ever again. I rather have my kids sober like me because my own addiction. But I know I cannot demand such a thing. I hope he’s careful and I hope he has loads of fun. We talked and more I cannot do.
No matter defeat, no matter victory, no matter Champions League final, no matter how nervous I am, I am going to be sober, I am not going to drink alcohol before and after the match like other times.
This is going to be my first Champions League final with sparkling water, and I am very proud of it.
Still having some but is was doable! Progress!! 
