Thx @Misokatsu @anon74766472 and @Lorelai - I appreciate it guys. This vulnerable space feels alien to me and I am learning to navigate 
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What I do is make sure I have gas in the car and food or what I need for work then I leave all cash and debit cards at home even took Apple Pay off my phone. If they order food at work Iāll get some if ppl accept Venmo and thatās how I avoid the thoughts on the way home.
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COVID negative 
But feel like shit 
Hope itās a 24 hr bug.
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Thank you very much Drew I appreciate that and Iām glad youāre here too 
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Checking in today. 7 days now. But a though one today. I almost lost it today but I am still sober
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@I.cant.We.can i didnāt realise how far you have come, itās really amazing to hear your story and see how much work youāve put in towards your sober life. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. The move sounds so exciting!
@Timetochange that coastal walk looks absolutely amazing. You must feel so recharged and invigorated after a walk along that coast. Where in the world is that?
@mamador it sounds like your learning a lot in your journey, Iām so glad your here with us 
@BrianP i hope you start to mend up soon. Iāve had many days of being sober but feeling like a dumpster fire so far, and Iāve been like āwhat the heck, Iām not poisoning myself with alcohol, how can I feel this shit?ā. Turns out everyday isnāt perfect, even in sobriety, but holy heck it can be so much worse with a hangover. I hope you get lots of lovely cuddles with your doggo Penny, while you are both resting. Thinking of ya.
@CoeurDeLion massive well done on 6 months- such an inspiration. Gives me hope surrounded by people here doing this sober thang! You should be proud of yourself!
@Misokatsu it makes me laugh reading everyoneās journey on here and then seeing another mum like myself in here juggling work and a house and kids and sobriety ārunning around like a blue arsed flyā hahaha. Thatās my life in a nutshell 
you sound like your doing an awesome job. Itās so bloody hard.
@Letthesunshinein i feel this so hard. I keep myself physically so busy to help feel those good chemicals flood my brain and stay mentally healthy. But it doesnāt matter how much you keep busy, like you said, like isnāt okay all the time. Your gonna feel crap sometimes, for sure. Itās really hopeful seeing Iām not alone, I wanted to tell you I feel the same way. Depression kinda nips at my heels and when I slow down it catches me. Do you have something you have in your down time to zone out? I crochet and paint, when I need to sit still, and it really helps me slow down, almost like meditation. Iāve read repetitive hobbies like that are super good for your mental health 
@Becsta eeeeep Iām going to get into the new stranger things this weekend too! How good are clinkers well done on over 1000 days, far out. I canāt wait to have that much sober time under my belt 
@Thirdmonkey that kinda reminds me of what Ricky Gervais was talking about on his new Netflix special, about perspective. We are very different, what I find funny might definitely not make someone else laugh, what I find spiritually helpful wonāt be helpful to the next. So very true. I mean he said a bunch of other terrible shit but he was right about the perspective stuff haha.
@Matt i was wondering how you are going. You have so much time and patience to give towards us all. I hope you are remembering to be kind and patient with yourself. Shower yourself with all the time you give all of us, itās a slip along the way. No one is perfect. Youāve said it yourself, these slips give is a chance to assess whatās triggering us, to see why we relapsed and work on it next time. Iām thinking of you, we are all here for you 
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59 days here, checking in. Close to that 60 markā¦ again haha.
I feel pretty different this time, like I wonāt let moderation slip itās arms around me, in its ājust one itāll be different this timeā embrace.
Itās never different, my life with alcohol sucks.
Anyway. Off to the gym, then work. Apparently a whole wedding has slipped past me in my calendar thatās happening today.
With all of my appointments and stuff weāve had to get sorted for buying our new house and setting up our investment. Plus full time work and kids activities. So Iām mentally not really prepared for a wedding, and I have nothing to wear, or a gift 
haha. I havenāt been to many social things since getting sober again, I think we will just head to the ceremony, have a few snacks and disappear into the shadows introvert style, haha.
Stay awesome everyone, thanks for being here.
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Day 83
Free of the work week for now. Still have a ton of work to do today. Need to make coffee and deal with my shit. I ate pasta and took out some things and am thinning out my art supplies. A friend is coming tomorrow to help me move so i want to have as much ready as possibleā¦but im doing very little right now!
Bracing myself for even more depression around 90 daysā¦i thought i would be more proud and happy at the last 2 but they are sad and triggeringā¦i know eventually i will want to make an excuse to use. But the way i was using feels more far away and horrifying to me now and i want to keep that mentality. A nightmare. All i can do is be in the present.
Sorry my posts are so miserable. But the people irl shouldnt have to deal with me constantly this low. Need to let go of a Lot of things. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Well, i have a nice evening coffee.
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Maybe you can do it February 29 style - make the number disappear when you donāt need it. Any dates ending with zero, poof! 58,59,61, gone 
Thanks for the tag Alycia I appreciate it - it means a lot
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Im feel this towards my 30days. I like matts idea of just skipping those days
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Day 7 - I made it to a week. Hooray! Since about day 4 Iāve felt like my feelings have closed off again and I am trying to figure out why.
Apart from that its been a good day. I am back in the big city for the weekend and saw Nathaniel Rateliff live which was amazing! Despite the city containing a lot of places that are potentially triggering I havenāt been tempted to go down those paths.
This weekend is all about allowing myself to do things I want to do. I tend to put others first so I am trying to do stuff for me for once. It is hard particularly when I see families out having fun and see it through the lense of my seperation. I miss my kids even though I spent the last day with them. There is so much going on in my life now that itās hard to pull apart all the feelings into identifiable things. I need to give myself the chance to feel. To slow down and listen.
I am grateful though. For an old friend who came with me to the gig tonight, for having the chance to do things for myself and to @Matt for his great advice that has helped get me this far.
You have listened and given me some great advice and resources. Be kind to yourself over the coming days. What we have isnāt easy, but we move forward together.
I hope you all have great sober days.
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Iām going through my daughterās closet. Cleaning out some things. Was thinking about having a drink more than I have in a while but got past the craving. Itās day 58 and it does seem when I get close to a specific milestone I start to feel a little anxious. Iām feeling less depressed than I was for the last week or so. I started feeling motivated to do some spring cleaning but when I found this book I used to read to my daughter āThe Chronicles of Narniaā I was overwhelmed with sadness as I remember lying in bed and reading to her but sometimes noticing that I was slurring my words because Iād had too much to drink and sometimes falling asleep mid sentence when she would gently look at me and say āmommy are you falling asleep?ā You guys- it makes me feel awful. Yeah Iām super happy to be where I am today though, and those are small disappointments in comparison to many other situations I know, but it still breaks my heart to know that I could have been a better parent for many years if I hadnāt been drinking.
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Yes itās nice to feel not alone going through things and that we can stick together for support! I wish I had down time lol!! Kids a man and welp I donāt get to stop till everyone is in bed and asleep so my down time is when Iām dropping into bed hahahā¦
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Hey! I havenāt checked in for a while. Happily Iām still sober, now at day 211!
Iām excited to start the three day weekend in such a healthy spot. Iām still swimming most mornings, sleeping well, and continuing to make it through one day at a time. Iām very lucky.
My husband has joined the journey, and heās 30 days in now! Heās had some experience with this, went six years sober once before. He decided it was time to go again. So we are starting out our summer with a step in the right direction.
The school year is winding down and Iām looking forward to some time off this summer. Iām planning to camp and read and write some curriculum this summer. My garden is getting off to a slow start due to weird weather, but it will catch up.
I wish you all a lovely holiday weekend and I hope you find peace and a sense of calm each day.
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Today was a red journal day just because of one person. As soon as I started talking to them I immediately felt the need to just drink. I didnāt Iām sober still and watched my son play tball not his best game but his team won again. 11:0 for the season. Iām getting ready to play some video games (Iām not a big gamer) as a distraction for an hour. After that one hour of my tv show Iām watching. Then sleep stories on calm app.
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I miss you guys so oOoOO much
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I hate I didnāt come when I needed it
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I love you guys you kept reaching out just good people
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I have to vent. The hubby is being a moody asshole to me today. Ive done nothing to him. I think apart of him is threatened by my resolve to stay sober and making sober buddies. Heās already told me on multiple occasions that he doesnt want to have to change his lifestyle because he likes drinking. Hes a big drinker too but wont admit it to himself. Oh well, live and let god. Dont get me wrong he said he wont bring booze in the house and supports me BUT i get the feeling hes threatened by my newfound growth. Im just going to avoid the moody prick and go about my night. Happy i didnt drink today.
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I had the news on while working today and itās really gotten to me! I should have known to turn it off and listen to music instead. Sigh!
@Cjp hang in there! Do whatās best for you and your sobriety tonight. Hugs.
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