Thank you!! Congrats on the 3 years clean! Yeah it’s a everyday struggle… this disease is as I say “lives in us, is invisible and wants to kill us” I don’t think I’ll ever be able to outsmart it but one day at a time !!
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15days and 20minutes. My wife took a day trip with the kiddos today to go see her Mom and Sister about 3 hours away. They left this morning right before I went to work. Well old me would have just got home and started drinking since no responsibilities (with the fam gone.) Instead I’m sober and I got my garage cleaned up and now waiting for my takeout dinner (little reward). Going to take my dinner home and play video games.
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@Bluekoolaid this makes me really happy to read 
Sobriety gives us hope for the future, it has for me too. I get frustrated thinking about time I’ve wasted but we can only look forward. Best of luck honing your new skills, even if the job your taking now is a stepping stone, your taking steps towards a better future and that’s awesome 
@Staringupfromthewell well done on your first week! You have so much to look forward to. This is just the beginning, time will heal and sobriety will allow you to grow. I’m rooting for ya.
@moonchild7994 this really hits me. I’ve made it past two years, and just completely uprooted my life. And I look back now, I can’t pin point what made me take those first steps. Why I threw it away. I thought I had the sober thang down. And all of a sudden I didn’t anymore. It’s so damn impressive to see you recognise it, to see your mind looking for an out back into addiction. It’s so helpful to see that it doesn’t matter how much time passes, you’ve still gotta be prepared for relapse, it might be super easy at times… but two years later your brain might just say fuck it, let’s use. I’m so happy you’ve noticed what’s happening within yourself and your finding the strength to put your tools in place to look after yourself. That’s so awesome 
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Eyyy guys, I made 60 days 
I feel good. I feel on track and hopeful for the future.
I went to a wedding yesterday, we made it past the ceremony and everyone was gearing up to get wasted. The reception was a few hours away, everyone was inviting us to their rooms to drink, to the bar to drink before the reception of more drinking. And my husband and I just jumped in the car and left.
I felt really rattled, like I was missing out on something really exciting.
But once my husband and I got talking we realised that a) it was really important for us to get out of there, because nothing good would have come from staying. We would have been bored or felt pretty left out watching everyone get drunk, or we would have ended up just drinking to join the party. And b) we weren’t missing out. We wanted to feel good the next day, we wanted to save our money, we wanted to enjoy each other’s company and time that evening.
We went for amazing burgers for dinner instead, came home, watched a movie together, and spent a bit of time on our hobbies. Woke up today with a full day of feeling good and being able to spend our Sunday doing useful things to set ourselves up for the week.
I am so grateful to have him doing this with me. When we drink together we bring the worst out of each other. But when we are sober together, we are stronger and united. Anyway thanks for listening, have a great weekend guys.
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Thank you for your words. Yes exactly trying to look forward not backwards as much. So many benefits to being sober. Especially being productive
Also good call on getting out of the wedding when you were feeling sketchy. I also had an exit strategy when I went to my brothers wedding. We have to trust our feelings now. And know when we need to get out of there
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Trying to put my needs first. It’s hard but necessary!
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What a great victory. I’m glad I haven’t had to do a wedding yet. What a blessing to have your husband on this journey.
Good for you guys.
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Evening Check in
Day 103
I’m feeling really distant right now. I’ve actually been feeling this way for a few days. I feel so distant from TS and so distant from my recovery routine including my morning prayer and connection to my HP. I have done productive things but as for recovery related stuff… I have been slacking. I haven’t felt like using. But in the back of my mind, if I don’t start being more involved with everything again that HAS been working for me, then I fear I might relapse. They say recovery is a daily reprieve meaning work needs to be put into it daily. And if I am being honest… I haven’t been doing that. So this needs to change. And I’m the only person that can do this
Hugs TS fam
I’m sorry I’m not around much… its bothering me alot 
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Omg!!! Congratulations on 2 months!!! This is SO exciting!
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I’m super lucky to have him with me on this one. I feel less isolated having him on board. In saying that, I do feel pretty lonely choosing to look after myself and step away from partying to socialise. I need to make some friends but i just don’t have anytime 
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Rooting for you, congratulations on day 1. Keep posting and checking in, this place is here 24 7 and that has saved me more than anything.
There is only one day at a time.
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Hang in there. Avoid other social media. I had a rough day yesterday but got through. Today I had a thought or two to grab some drinks for after work today but that’s all they were THOUGHTS. Ive also though a lot about the future. Like a toast at my daughters wedding and how I won’t be able to have that champagne and maybe that old thought of having a first beer with my son when he turns 21 on New Years. He is a Jan 1st baby. I think I’ll just have to explain to them as they get older the negative effects of alcohol and hope they don’t go down a path.
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I think to a certain extent, peaks and troughs are natural. Sometimes you are closer to the program, at others u move away. But noticing and taking action is important, and understanding that so long as u don’t drift off completely. it is ok. Your mileagge may vary.
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You don’t have to apologize to us. What’s important is that you take steps and do what you need to do to be engaged in your recovery. Acknowledging that you’re distant is a great sign though. The fact that you’re aware of it shows how much progress you’ve made
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Day 88 of no self harm
Thank you all for all the kind things you had to say yesterday. I normally respond to everyone but I wasn’t feeling particularly up to it.
I didn’t go to my grandpa’s today, was still exhausted. I’m mildly autistic so all the lights and noise from the graduation completely exhausted me sensory wise. I’m still tired, but I was doing okay until about 6pm when my brain started doing it’s usual nighttime anxiety routine. I’m not feeling awful, but I just feel extremely depressed and resigned. Just got on the phone with my best friend though so I’m going to hang out with him
Something positive: I ate a meal
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Day 84
I do not have my shit together. Strange day but got some things done. Always down to the wire. But i have a place to sleep thats comfortable. Tomorrow i have another long day. Hopefully I sell some art. Need to write lists and respond to people.
Sad. This land I am on is so soaked in evil and we are expected to pretend everything is fine. Everyone in my country should have the day off to grieve, but theres no time to grieve before the next horror. Its not gonna get better without a tectonic shift in culture away from historic patterns of colonial violence. Ive been so drunk and useless when i should be in the prime of my life helping to support people more marginalized than me.
Grief. But its petty and narcissistic to dwell on that when i am small and here and sober and can do better now. Please, if you have resources, cash, lavish them on Black and trans and disabled people who are struggling!! When they thrive we all will thrive.
I am going to do my best tomorrow. Grateful to be sober.
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Checking in. I’m feeling safer - more stable - now that I’m back in Canada after my trip.
Routine is something I need to be more conscious of. I have routines right now, but they are often reactive instead of proactive; they aren’t strengthening me.
I need to build trust in myself with routines that keep me safe. I will check in here more often. Check in more proactively.
Routine… route… a path to peace, a path to stability 
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@M-be-free49 …. thanks for the mention. It’s the willingness to keep trying that counts. Addiction is a lifelong companion. Granted, a lousy companion. But it is part of who we are. SO glad you found your way back, friend. SO glad!! 
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