Checking in
Made some good steps towards the future I would like to get growing for myself and all that’s around me but I’m still pretty much struggling with the part that makes me uncomfortable in my own house or getting back in touch with society.
It gives me strength to see the people here on the forum making their own steps and development in their process and with that a big shout out to everyone who fits the shoe.
Bless ya’ll and be safe
66: days sober for me from my addiction. So grateful for that and to God. This addiction might have destroyed my marriage, but by the power of God and my program it will never take from me again.
Having a slow morning. It’s cool and cloudy out today and I’m menstrual and having trouble getting motivated. Days like today where I am still in an okay headspace, able to get up and eat some food, do my dog chores, and not lay in bed all day tell me that I’m doing okay. I can treat myself with loving kindness and be grateful to not be feeling depressed or distraught. It is a relief to not be wanting to numb my feelings today as much as I’ve wanted to recently. Yet again, I feel like I’m learning lessons about my hormonal cycle and can recognize the romanticizing about drinking (which has really been about wanting to numb emotions) has lined up to premenstrual days. Trying not to feel like a fool - I’m 40 years old for goodness sake! Always learning, I suppose.
I also realize that the grief process has started for a long time friend and colleague who is close to death from metastatic breast cancer. She just moved to residential care and hoping for a quick and peaceful passing in days and not weeks. We were trying to plan to connect this summer but it isn’t to be. Sad.
Doing this day and all that it brings and doing it sober. 
I kind of skipped through a lot of people’s post. Normally when I get here I read everybody’s but I’m feeling really depressed. I feel like I’ve been fighting this depression the last little while. I don’t know what’s come over me it seems like there’s so many little things built up inside me that I used to cover up with alcohol. It’s day 55 and I feel like I’m reevaluating my entire life and I feel completely lost. I’m not craving alcohol anymore at all I’m just sad about all the things I think I was using alcohol to cover up before and I don’t know what to do about it to be happy.
It isn’t an emergency service like police or ambulance. It’s more to ask how to continue when having certain symptoms. And it was almost midnight when I first called.
I have had basic training in first aid, so I know the symptoms of a hard attack, so I was almost certain that it wasn’t as severe as it felt. Had I not had that knowledge I’d have freaked out 
The pain is almost fully gone now, I really have to pay attention to it to even feel it.
The new position is sweet, but I am now semi in charge of people who were in charge of me a month ago, so that takes some getting used too. But there’s far less push back than expected. I already had someone treat me like a manager today by asking advice. So that was pretty cool.
Well I’m wanting to come on here and lie and say today is day 22. But I can’t, I used last night and had a few drinks. Me and my mom got into a good argument, and I used it as a excuse, I didn’t reach out, I didn’t txt my sponsor I just knew I was going to use. I did challenge it tried going for a bike ride. I had a good meeting with st Joe’s yesterday so idk maybe I was more emotional from opening up in that. I really felt a difference and have been happy so I’m pretty upset with myself but I’m not trying to continue this slip, I don’t want it I’m gonna pick myself up go to a meeting with my sponsor tonight and be honest with him. So day 1 again
Bless you brother !!
Checking in
Day 99
It’s been a crazy day… sooo many phone calls had to be taken care of and it was alot of stress honestly bcuz I wasn’t getting anywhere. Others who were supposed to follow thru, didn’t, which means more chasing people around lol. I did alot of cleaning already and just sat down to eat. I needed to stop for a second bcuz I was getting irritable. I’m feeling better now 
still have some things to do. Tmrw will be a good day! I get paid so our last 2 items are being taken out of the pawnshop (they were put in there for money to use or for food… due to using and not having $$). So we are excited for that! Slowly but surely things are being taken care of Hope everyone is having a good day!
@RosaCanDo and @Its_me_Stella thank you for your kind messages, it was so nice to read them after a difficult morning.
@Rockstar24777 that is a lot of grief to carry, I’m sorry for your loss as well. I can imagine this week brings up a lot for you. Thank you for your message this morning, definitely feeling less alone. I appreciate you reaching out and will be thinking of you this week.
Thanks, amiga! You’re absolutely right. I’m grateful I can keep my mind open to learn these lessons!
Well bloody done, as you would say 
Got out on my paddle board today, paddled to the next town and had a nice coffee in a pub garden. Paddled back in a thunder, lightning and rain storm and was only wearing shorts and tshirt, 
!!
Nice little bonus of 20 days sober today 
Congratulations on 20 days!!! That adventure sounds amazing!
Awe girl I feel this. Almost like a wave of sadness and regret and even grief has come over me over all the stuff that was covered up or numbed by drugs. I think it’s absolutely normal to feel this. Our emotions are coming back. I’m grateful that u aren’t feeling the need to drink tho. Honestly when I get like this I really have to reconnect and ground myself. Meditation or deep breathing. Somwtimes I play good music or nature sounds. Just really be in the present moment. Sometimes I don’t even do much but little things, just to get my motivation going and to get me out of the funk. Music helps. Prayer helps me (I don’t know if u like to pray). Distraction. Getting out in nature. Often times I have to really sort of force myself to do something. Even if it’s just getting dressed and brushing my hair and teeth and feeling somewhat normal. Then before I know it, I slowly start building up momentum to do other things. We covered up alot while using and drinking. And the crappy part is, is that we can’t change the past. But u have a bright and successful and healthy future ahead of u bcuz ur on this path of sobriety. We don’t have to tackle all these past events all at once. They hurt but we can literally take it one day at a time with those things too.
Oh @RosaCanDo I am so sorry about your friend. That is so hard. My thoughts are with you both.
@Miranda I am sorry you are feeling so low. I totally understand, although have no advice. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Thanks. I have been trying. Nothing seems to be helping right now. Even went out for a beautiful bike ride yesterday (forced myself to go for my daughter) but felt sad the whole time.
Huge HUGE hugs. I wish I knew what could help u 
I definitly hope this eases for u very soon
Day 4 - This has been the longest 4 days of any of my previous attempts to get clean. Today felt like a lifetime which is probably both good and bad as I am always so focused on a hundred different things, my mind racing about a thousand different anxieties.
This morning was as anxious as I have felt in a while. But I got through it, took my mind off things with some music and just allowed myself to be today. My emotions still feel like a storm inside me but I suppose it has been so long since I have let them loose it’s going to feel like that.
I’ve sat here and read about everyone’s day through this forum and I am once again grateful for your honesty and vulnerability. It helps me to open up to this storm of emotion and understand what my underlying issues are.
70 days sober!
And the 25th is my 6 year anniversary with my partner 
I picked up a new hobby to keep me busy. I’m making doll clothes haha! Can’t think about drinks when you’re busy accidentally stabbing yourself with sewing needles. I think I’ve sewed a skirt to my hand a couple times now haha. Hope everyone has a good one!
Day 54
I’ll be honest, hard day but not a bad day. Truths and emotions and opposition and sobriety are all existing together.
Relief finally from therapy. I love this therapist she’s a brain wizard
