Congrats on your 70 Days Emi.
That is so cool.
They look really styling.
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I was on the phone with my vr friend. He asked me why I was quiet and I told him I was just feeling really bad tonight for no reason. He offered to stay on the phone with me until I was better. Then someone who added him on discord (a total stranger) called. And he went to answer and then he ditched me because he said she was going through some stuff.
Heās been a great friend and Iāve had no red flags so far and we talk 5 hours most days. But that was the last thing I needed and I am once again alone with my thoughts. I know this isnāt a huge deal it just happened to be what sent me over the edge from managing to being a mess
I just want to be done.
Update: made it to day 84 of no self harm. Still feeling really alone but I calmed down and am headed to bed.
Since Iām feeling better Iāll add my something positive: I was feeling lazy and was going to skip my medication because I was feeling self destructive, but I forced myself to take my meds. Iām on lots of meds for physical and mental reasons so skipping them never does me any good. Glad I made myself take them
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Hey Miranda.
Iām glad you posted. Catching up can be really hard to do around here. Itās definitely ok. Depressed. I got a lot of that my first year. Somedays I just couldnāt do a thing. But I didnāt drink so that was a win. Iād just sit around and kind of mope for a few days. I still kept my walks. That was the best part of my day. But I remember those days, especially those afternoons. It felt awful. I would go in my exercise room and think. Just pick up a weight and press it once or twice and see what happens. Nothing. But I tried. Couldnāt even do a 12 pound curl. I got through it. I just knew it had to pass sooner or later. It wasnāt anything like chronic depression. I donāt know how people live with chronic depression. It gave me a whole new respect for depression. And Iām grateful I donāt have to deal with depression on a regular basis. Keep reading on here. Snuggle with Lola and Charlie. Check out the memes. Your doing so good.
You know where here for ya.
Big hug.
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@Cjp thank you, you responded to my lonely post in #42. I had a lot of likes, but you reached out. @Miranda I saw your post today about being depressed. I feel the same, I know youāre loved on this forum, I hope youāre feeling better.
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Checking in. 10:30pm cdt is my Sober time. So I am usually up about now to count it for myself. Anyway Day 12. Getting close to the 2 week milestone. Not going to miss that. It feels great that I have been able to go longer than 3 days. Anyway I feel good, Iām starting to sleep better and waking up is nice. I was never one to have hangovers often so I figured I was āokā with the amount I was drinking. I realize now that it wasnāt and I feel so much better. Iām taking it slow with myself and allowing to eat what I want when I crave it. Iām not very overweight or anything but when I was drinking even just 12 days ago I was very self conscious about my weight (mostly cause Iām short already) at 5ā5 I am 145lbs so not big but while drinking I would eat the worst crap then not let myself enjoy a meal I would skip meals always thinking that I would get fat. Well I counted that without drinking I am saving over 8,000 calories a week so having a bowl of cereal in hindsight now was not the unhealthy thing. The drinking was and is. Iāll stay sober. Have a good night be back tomorrow.
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Checking in day 28. Feeling a bit anxious about my sisterās wedding in a few weeks. I know itās going to be a shit show. I know I need to not worry and just focus on my day at a time but it keeps popping into my thoughts. Anyways havenāt picked up and donāt plan on it. Thanks for being here everyone!
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Iām feeling the same way about a vacation coming up in 2 weeks. I donāt want to drink and I will take it one day and one small event or board game with my kids to make sure I donāt. I am still concerned because I know myself but my wife is my support now. Fortunately my drinking didnāt get to a point to ruin our relationship.
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#Day 1344 
Day 11 no sugar
Wow, what a day it was yesterday. I was really sick yesterday, could not walk anymore. Went to the hospital in a wheelchair and they discovered a post operative inflamation. They had to cut it open without anesthesia. I did it, I had no choice. Glad I did because I feel so much better now!
2 weeks no working: docters order.
I feel Iām more myself now. So happy with that!
I missed me! 
Felt like an old sick lady for a whole week. That may not seem much, but that week felt like ages to me 
Hereās a flower wich itās called Herderstasje (Shepherdās purse) in Dutch.
I like the little seedboxes because they look like a heart
This picture is a old one I found on my phone.
I miss my walks so much!
But I will get there again
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I feel ya dude! Iām lucky my wife didnāt leave me with all the shit I have put her through. Iām going to try to focus on just being there for her around my other family. I live in Cali and my family is back in Michigan so all of out past trips have been shit shows. This will be my first time around all my old friends and family sober. Iām gonna chalk it up to excitement rather than anxiousness. I know it will all be good as long as I donāt get passive in my sobriety. We got this bro. Do it for the kiddos, and for ourselves and our relationships!
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Thanks man! Iāve already kinda planned an exit strategy for sometime around 11-12 before everyone starts getting real hammered. Iāve got a 4 year old so Iāll be able to say I have to go get him. Appreciate ya!
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Youāve said a lot of things I, and others Iām sure, have found very useful - youāve made a difference! I hope you feel better.
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I feel you Itās hard but nessesary as well. Itās processing things. I know thatās difficult and filled with emotions. But you are in the beginning of your recovery and this is part of it. Your mind is getting clearer and so will be your sight on your life. Hope I can explain myself ok, English is not my native language. Talking helps, so good that you express yourself here. Recovery is healing and growing and you are doing ājustā that
Big hugg 
Thank you Maxine. I had a big cry and the tears helped a little.
You wrote beautifully. I understand what you are saying. I am still filled with sadness, but your post helped me feel a little ray of light. I think itās sad to let go. I feel I am letting go of a lot of things. I am scared of the changes in my life that may occur because I am choosing sobriety and because I am realizing I was missing parts of myself for long.
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Glad you understand me 
Just stick in the ānowā. Do not look ahead. Today is enough for now, you are doing great believe me! Recovery is scary I know! Changes are scary! But you will get there, day by day! Little steps! 
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So glad you went back, they found the problem and they fixed it. Wishing you continued uneventful quick healing and recovery. You will get yourself back quickly I just know it. Beautiful pic.
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1082
Coffee. Iām sober and clean. Nothing that happens can make me drink or smoke. Only I can do that. I wonāt today. One day at a time.
Letās make today as good a day as we all can friends. However hard it is, we can make it through clean and sober. There is no alternative. Love from the Oude Kerk in Amsterdam.
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Good morning everyone. I hope that everyone is well this morning.
Over here, despite crazy rain and hail and wind yesterday, things are quite calm today, and somewhat cooler, which is not a bad thing.
By tonight, I willl be on 10 days, and thatās not a bad thing either!
By the way, after having communicated with the moderators, this account (Daishippai) is going to be anonymized, and Iām going to go back to my old account under the username Fokusnik. Not that itās of any great importance, I just wanted to let you all know.
Anyway, I hope that everyone has a good day today.
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