Keep up the good work !
For me just a quick check in between all scheduled appointments today to get my help and care system up to date after ops.
Be safe everyone and go_go-gadet good days
Bless
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Thank you!! I am glad it will be in a nice house and enjoyed.
I poured out the alcohol and the weed wasnt mine. Another me wouldnt have been able to resist but it never felt like a Real Option yesterday if that made sense. But i feel steady, no looking back.
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Day 718 clean and sober today. I hope everyone has an amazing day love you guys!!! 
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People like this are gifts to your recovery!!!Congrats on your days Fleur, I hope your friend gets back on his feet.
Oh, and thanks for your constant support.
This takes a lot of courage I am so proud of you. Remember everything I said to you. Fingers crossed it happens.
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Iām going next week they will have a bed for me
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Starting day 2 for me, journaling during a work break and planning ahead to how I will approach the evening when I get home.
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Amazing.
Hopefully that book arrives this week and you can spend sometime reading it.
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Iām just hoping I can get sober. I keep fucking using do I even really want to be sober youād think if I wanted it bad enough is stay sober
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This is just my opinionā¦
When someone has exhausted the tools that they had and are not adding anything new to their program it just wonāt work. Itās like doing the same weight lifting for 29 years not adding weights, not changing your diet etc. They want to get gains but they canāt because their body isnāt being challenged. So with recovery when I came back I had to change everything that I did and I had to change every way that I thought. It shocked my system and its stuck this timeā¦ but as you know I havenāt given my addict a fucking chance to win either, I am vigilant. I think that if you want this Mike that rehab is going to be the shock your system needs. Just donāt fucking leave, remember what I said about listening to your heart donāt listen to your head. Your head will tell you to leave and that voice will be LOUDā¦ you stay there because if you do this will be a chance for you to start fresh with a new outlook and new tools for your recovery. Hopefully if you stay you will get the option of soberliving so you can get out of your moms place, hopefully if you stay you will have had a full month under Drās care to figure out your mental health stuff and hopefully if you stay you will have gained some self confidence and realize this is not your fault. You deserve to live an amazing happy life Mike and I know that you want this, donāt question itā¦ you are here that tells me enough. You just need some help and it sounds like you are finally ready to accept it.
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I wonāt leave I promise
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Hereās a place to search for rehabs:
One step at a time Mike for the gainzzz 
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Thanks Matt. St Joeās is doing the process for me. I have to go down tomorrow for my intake and then Iāll head out next week when the bed opens. They have two options for me so far
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No not my first. I went once a long time ago and stayed for 7 days. It sounded like she was trying to get me in a 90 day but if not then yes 28 days. I donāt really have expectations ATM I just want to get better
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Thatās awesome! Glad to hear it. Itās always just one step at a time, one rep at a time. You can do it 
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Checking in day 1.
This is a hard time. This is emotionally heavy. I had a heavy emotional conversation last night with my wife, about mutual respect. I am walking a new path these days (professionally, and also personally) and I am fighting myself in my mental space; I am neglecting my self-awareness and self-care space.
There is today. I have today. I know I will not use today. I choose to access all the resources I have and more, to not use. I know I will be gentle with myself today. Tomorrow will come when it comes; today I am focused on today.
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Day 90 of no self harm.
Thought Iād be more proud of myself for making it 90 days but I donāt feel much at all.
Been getting lazy about checking in. My eating disorder has been really bad lately. Iām lucky if I eat anything most days. I should be more worried, but itās so familiar itās comforting. Iām just so exhausted because my body is running on empty. Iāve been sleeping 12 hours a day at points but Iām still completely exhausted and have no energy.
I was supposed to go see top gun 2 today with my dad (we never get to spend quality time together) but we were exposed to COVID so thatās not happening. I was pretty upset about it yesterday but Iām over it, I just hope I get to see it in theaters. Havenāt been out of the house other than to see my family in years. They wonāt let me do anything without their approval and since I canāt drive I canāt exactly just leave. driving would probably give me a lot of freedom but it is not at all safe for me at the moment considering when I get anxious I completely dissociate. I need to get better mentally and physically before I take that on. Iām probably going to end up paying for a driving instructor on my own when I move out. My parents wonāt teach me.
Iām so low on energy I really donāt even want to hang out with my friends. I do anyway, but itās not all that enjoyable anymore. I just want to sleep. I guess I didnāt realize how far downhill I was going until now.
Something positive: Iām at least sleeping. I go back and forth between sleeping a lot and waking up every hour or so. For now Iām at least sleeping
Another positive: actually decided to take today for myself. I told my friend I just really wasnāt feeling up to hanging out and he was perfectly understanding.
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Checking in-
Another sober dayā¦Thank God.
I had a good session with my therapist this morning. You know, I was seriously hurt and damaged in my last job. The environment was so toxic and negative. It really affected me. I believe, I have PTSD from working in that environment for 4 years. COVID-19 was traumatic and paralyzing. I have so much to work on in terms of healing. I am really kinda broken. I need to get strong and positive again.
I pray that employers donāt judge me for losing my job. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I know that I am not the only one who has lost a job before. But, it really hurts.
I have no control, yet I continue to try and control my life. This is not healthy. I must submit to what will happen and trust God. It is so hard you know? I am making progress on dramatically reducing my Ativan and I have been exercising as well. Iām so scared, but I will continue to live my life with hope, faith and obedience to God.
What will happen, will happen. This will be a long week, as I have nothing planned. Next week is the big interview week.
I must take a deep breath. Praise God and thank you for listening.
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Wishing u ALL the best! Hope all goes well Mike!!
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I know how losing a job feels and the pain and embarassment that come along with it. Just practice explaining what happened as positively as possible for interviews. I was out of work for 2.5 months until my new employer took a chance on me. Try to think positively!
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