Hi @anon9289869 Jess,
I hope your surgery goes well and that you have a quick recovery! 
3 Likes
You know, as long as your not sleeping more due to depression, and its just low nood remember its ok to take time out for yourself, dont beat yourself up its great you have your partners support and i understand how easy it is to convince myself im a fauilure and get into a mental rut.
Your right about trying to just push through it and be strict with yourself but also love yourself along the way, dont be too hard on your self.
Everytime i have quit, slowly things feel worse then slowly they just seem to fall into place.
I do beleive doing the small things at a pace that is right for you definitely is a way forward and remember the small things are what make the big things happen.
You got this, your strength shows and your doing really well try to remind yourself of the good your doing, lifes a b*tch sometimes but our mistakes and setbacks dont make us who we are just what we have experienced.
Sorry i havent been around much the past week, i had some therapy about my daughter that causes me severe anxiety and rebrings the trauma back like reliving it.
But i know when we stay sober things do get better, we cant always see the reason why, or what made it happen but it usually brings us to better things and new opportunities.
Glad your here you are a great part of this community thank you.
8 Likes
Huge congratulations on your huge sober time!!
I hadnt seen your sober time before but i knew it was Huge. Yayyy woohoo 
1 Like
Aww. Thank you Twizzle. Appreciate it.
1 Like
Our fearless leader.
9 Likes
Hello guys. Checking in day 6ā¦
Had a good workout today. As I told you guys, I am journaling everyday and learning about nofap everday.
Have a nice day guys.
18 Likes
Day 17, found out the company I work for has been sold. Between that and health issues Iām freaking the heck out. Taking this a day at a time. Good luck everyone!
17 Likes
20 days free today feels good reaching that still very much concentrating on upholding the days new job is also going well and booked in for hypnotherapy next week has anyone tried it?
14 Likes
This is so true. Our past and our mistakes donāt define us. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and not repeat them in the future. Our experiences pave the way for our path to destiny.
The past is something we are powerless to change but have the power not to repeat. I firmly believe that Thereās no point dwelling on the past, I am who I am today because of what I have done and the lessons I have learnt.
It is our past that helps us move forward to better, happier times and build our new futures.
8 Likes
Hi @Matt your post really struck me as itās exactly how I have felt for much of life. That question of enough has always been there in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember.
No matter how hard I tried or how much I forced into my schedule. No matter how many days I dragged myself through an endless succession of things I āhadā to do none of it was enough.
I have come to realise (in my case) I was putting to much pressure on myself because of an event that happened about 20 years previously. In that instance the only reason I could think of that I had had my heart broken was because āI wasnāt good enough.ā. Subconsciously it has lead me to drive myself to exhaustion trying to find that good enough. That echoed through the rest of my life until now.
It comes back to the same thing I have been told on this forum. To have a chance against your addiction you have to let go. So I did and by letting go of this need to be good āenoughā and tackle some of the issues I have, I have found a slim bit of peace. Like the crack of light around a door.
Take it from me as someone who has been there. You are good enough Matt. Cut yourself some slack and do what you said in your post. Enjoy the moment, enjoy now. Be present. We are here for you as you take it one step at a time.
8 Likes
Day 13 - Today has been a good day. I got an unexpected chance to see my kids this morning which was great. I got lots of cuddles which absolutely makes my day. I made some good positive steps forward on the house buying front and I managed to get in a 12 mile walk down a beautiful former railway line which has now been converted into a walking / cycling / horse riding route.
So all in all a good day. There was a lot of temptation today, more than most but each time I felt it creeping in I asked myself why? What was triggering me right now.
My anxiety is really high and I think I need to see or speak to someone about it. But also house moves and big life changes are anxiety inducing so I am trying not to be too hard on myself.
I hope you all have a great clean day.
18 Likes
Did you see Prince Louisās facial expressions? So cute 
2 Likes
Thanks, youāre right, itās a sneaky self-doubt in there. Iām not sure where it comes from but I am sure what it does. Itās time to work on letting that go.
I am having a battle in my mind today. The seas of stress and worry are high & I need to stay grounded, stay focused on the next right thing.
The next right thing.
The next right thing is returning some equipment to my former employer, and cleaning my car. So that is what I will do
3 Likes
@Cloyboy89 I did hypnotherapy for the first time last year and loved it!
Good afternoon everyone. Checking in on day 286. Gloomy day and got no sleep so just trying to get some school work done! Hope everyone is having a good day and stay safe.
15 Likes
Wat did it help?
1 Like
Hello everyone, on day 26 here.
Iāve been feeling some irritability lately, and I have to keep reminding myself to be patient and kind to others as they are doing the same for me. I feel more irritable on the days where Iāve had an intense dream or nightmare the night before, which leaves me waking up feeling not rested at all. Iām certainly feeling my brain changing and adjusting to my ānew normalā of sobriety, and Iām optimistic that I will not always feel irritable or have such intense dreams.
I hope that everyone has a great day, stay strong all!
16 Likes
Irritability was a big problem of mine. It does dissipate as your brain recovers and gets back to normal! I am right there with you on the nightmares, i suffer from night terrors and have for years, I was on medication to stop dreaming but stopped taking all meds not needed. Not sure if you see a psychiatrist but I was introduced to dream therapy, not a 100% solution but will help lessen the intensity. Best of luck and keep at it!
4 Likes
I feel the same way almost daily. I am retired at a very young age and have been finding difficulties in feeling like Iāve done enough for the day or a purpose I guess. Itās caused more stress and anxiety than anything. Iāve had to try and talk myself into the fact that it is okay to not be doing something every minute of everyday. Iām hoping once I obtain my degree and can start working from home, a not as labor intensive job, that I will have a better feeling that I am doing enough.
5 Likes
Itās a process I suppose I wonder if plants in a garden ever get āleaf envyā, like āthat plant over in the corner has twice as many leaves as me so I must not be good enoughā.
Itās a little silly to think of, of course but honestly I think it is true. The plant is the plant, it grows in its place one leaf at a time - kind of like us
2 Likes