Hey all, checking in a little late on day 725. I hope everybody has a good one today!!
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Checking in day 9.
Have been snacking on sugary stuff over the last few days and it is throwing off my blood sugars, which is making me tired. I do enjoy sweets very much (especially cookies and ice cream) and Iām choosing to be gentle with myself right now and stay focused on my emotions, on being present. There will come a time when I need to tackle this sweets habit but that isnāt now.
Had a good day of music work yesterday. Feeling better about the performance this weekend; looking forward to it. Iām appreciating how this music-writing is making me feel. Itās kind of an active healthy living skill - a way of getting dopamine, anticipation, in a healthy way - and I like that.
Today is about knocking out my funding application for my business (final stage now), finishing the music prep, and - if I have time - cleaning my car.
Take care all. We are living: we are alive when we are present. When we are doing addiction behaviours, we are absent. We want to be present, we want to be fully engaged humans. Letās do this 
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Hi I hope everything is okay, I have you and you family in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
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Congratulations on your 5 months and 20 days.
I think thatās really good of you to get it out the house, and brave. I find with anything, for example cakes, if I donāt buy them or have them in the house I cant eat them and mentally dont think about them. Well done and I hope your feeling better.
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How do you feel about this and what type of therapy are they offering you for it?
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Iām so happy to hear your med mix is working for you. 
I had a similar realization earlier this year with my depression meds. It was a whole new world.
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Good afternoon. Day 4 here also. Nice your presentation went well and you got out and tried something new.
Agree, sleep thing is wild. Feels like Iām awake all night but I get up feeling fine. Either way, much better than a hangover 
Enjoy reading these check ins. Keep it up crew
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ā¦1538.
Played hooky from work today. Snuggled with my dog, and fell asleep for about 4 hours. Got the kayaks downā¦now to wait for Ms. Ms. Monkey to get home, and then to find a lake
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My current therapist -one of the the two who lead my schema therapy group- gave me a book to read on the subject of childhood abuse and trauma and how it affected the rest of your/my life. Reading it hit me hard. I knew most of it but to see yourself described like that is tough. Made me very sad. Only truly realizing now how my life, my future, was stolen from me. How much of my sexuality isnāt my own but imprinted on my by the abuse and the abusers. Iām not even really 100% sure Iām gay. And Iām bloody 56 years old.
But. Iām sober and clean. I work my recovery. Iām not going to change the past but I can change today and maybe tomorrow too. If I keep working my ass of. In the past I coped with the shit the happened with booze and drugs, with dangerous sex, by trying to loose myself in the moment, by trying not to feel.
Iām learning now to face my feelings, to face what is happening inside and with me. And face and deal with what happened in the past. Schema therapy helped a lot with that. And I feel that now I have to face this part too. And deal with it. I hope I can. It needs to be done. Bringing all this stuff to the surface without dealing with it is just impossible. I need to do this. Thatās how I feel about it.
My therapist agreed to work with me for a while on an individual base. She has experience in dealing with trauma from childhood. And we have a good interpersonal connection, which is the number one factor which determines how successful therapy is.
She wants me to join another therapy group that does Pesso Therapy. A bit hard to explain as I donāt have a clear picture myself yet. Basically it combines work on head and body and the connection between them. Thereās not a lot of these sort of therapies and therapists available. I could be on a waiting list again. In the meanwhile Iāll meet with her for now.
It could be a pretty long process. Iām not really looking forward to that. But I am looking forward to really process all that happened, instead of the flight into booze, drugs and sex of the past. Recovery is work. Life long and hard work too. But the rewards are there and are huge, I am absolutely sure of that. Iāve come a long way already. Thereās more to come. X
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Hi Kat here! Iām back. Day 1
I relapsed after 9 months on alcohol and benadryl. It has been a few weeks of relapseā¦ well today I said No More! I threw out any remaining pills and poured the alcohol down the drain. I picked up a white keytag Sunday but will pick up another tonight.
I am back on the right road folks!
Love Kat
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Checking in with 2 years, 3 months and 18 days. I am one hour clean from something else (nofap) although I really donāt feel like a problem or addiction to me there is negative consequences for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually and I feel very guilty and anxious after I engage in that behavior. I have tried to stop for the last 2 months and keep going back to it and regret it every single time. I really want to give that behavior up and so I am going to really put some effort into it. My boyfriend doesnāt understand the issue with it but I just donāt feel good while doing it. So yeah Iām done this is hard for me to talk about but Iām sharing it with you guys bc I donāt have anyone else to.
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Day 27 troops lifeās good no more said x
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Thanks so much for understanding the process!
Yeah it really is a lot of realizations and, fear of losing some āpart of myselfā held me from getting better for a long time.
That and not advocating properly for myself, partly because I didnāt know how for years and years.
I look forward to growth now, painful as honesty may be sometimes, Iād rather live there.
Also, separately, I hope your music set (if I read that correctly) goes good! Iām just restarting my piano and uke practices and itās so cathartic. Whatās your process right now for writing songs also just out of curiosity? Iāve never tried song writing but itās always been interesting learning how others choreograph their ideas into organized sounds.
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Im sorry to hear you are going through this. My mum is in the same situation she is 56 and its all only just started to come out.
Yout doing the right thing by trying to deal with it.
Although i only have experience in watching how it affects another and it is upsetting and very heart crushing, i dont know really if i can be of any help with advice, but im definitely here if you need to chat and supporting you through it 
It takes alot to do these therapies so good on you for taking that control back.
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On day 3. Had short moments of desires. Very short, but intens. Tomorrow my boyfriend will come for the weekend as usual since I had my accident. He takes care and is supportive. I am confident, not to drink. I will tell him my decision. He is a good guy, he will support it. One day at the time.
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Good news, are the gallstones OK where they are for now or do they need removing? Bet youāre relieved it wasnāt your liver giving you the pain.
Great job on getting back on it and congrats on your days too 
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That is some commitment right there, well done. Well done on your days, thatās a fantastic amount to time
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I donāt know really as havenāt spoken to the Doctor yet, have to wait for them to get the scans. I donāt think they like to take them out unless really problematic, so unless it gets worse I am hopeful I am ok. I am going to try and modify my diet a bit more (not far off vegan so going to be a challenge!) Thanks so much for your kind words 
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Checking in day 11. It has been a couple days since I have posted but still here and going strong.
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