Hi Kat here checking in Day 4 clean and sober.
Feeling great have my kids for the weekend.
Love Kat
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Checking In
Day 117
Day has honestly been pretty crappy. I got into an argument with hubby while on my way to work which made me a few min late. Work has been exhausting. Lots of behaviors with my client today and I donāt feel like Iām on my best game. Finally had time to able to eat something (we donāt get scheduled breaks so itās basically eat when u can). Iām exhausted and irritable and feeling like crap 
itās not been a good day and I feel like escaping. But bcuz I choose to not use drugs to do that, I need to find another way to bring my spirits up again. Ugh
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Thanks for checking on me how kind of you. Frankly, Iām doing very well. The fact that I havenāt posted anything for a while has actually to do with the fact that Iām currently so committed to my recovery. So much has happened since I started to work on the NA workbook. Old situations arise that I have always pushed away and with that the emotions comes out such as sadness, anger, pain, but I have also experienced very loving feelings that have nothing to do with relationships, just very basic. But both the bad and the good feelings are allowed to be there. I even thanked for it during my evening prayers because this is life. I didnāt feel anything for 17 years and wanted to hide and numb everything and now I even thank that I can have this painful feelingsā¦ crazy right? Who would have thought this a few months ago. And I live very consciously. I am immediately aware if certain behaviors have to do with my addiction, such as I sometimes want to do something impulsive and really want to have it or keep watching netflix obsessively and canāt stop. I put a stop to that. Actually too many to mention. In addition, I have always been very spiritually oriented and have picked up the things that can help me now because I did nothing with it during my use. I immerse myself in the messages of the power animals or also called totem animals. I donāt know exactly what the English name is. You can get a lot out of that to gain insight into yourself and the things that are difficult for you. In addition, I have certificates for Reiki so I want to start with that too. So a lot, but not too much. Itās all in balance so thatās nice. But I didnāt know if I should keep posting, the days flew by and then I thought shall I let it go or not? I was still thinking about what to do. But very sweet of you to think of me. Thank you!
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And of course I hope everyone is doing well. Have a great addition free day/evening 
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Long morning
I got out of work at 11pm yesterday to take my girlfriend to the hospital for a dislocated elbow
I got out of the hospital at 4am
I slept alllllll day and got to work at 4pm. Thank my higher power that i had a late day tostart
Itās almost 5pm and im at work til 12am
Loaded on coffee I jumped in and started
Co workers are a little stressed at me for leaving early I feel but I donāt know for sure
I work with my roommate and he took everything over lastnight so I could get home. Im so thankful for him. He does a lot for me actually.
Have a good day everyone
If your having a tough day you can turn it all around if you try
Donāt give up
Day 67 sober and clean
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Hey everyone- I hope you are doing the best you can to enjoy your weekend (without a hangover, how good 
).
74 days sober, I returned to the gym yesterday after a week off. It was hard and felt worth it. Itās funny how we talk ourself out of doing things when we feel depressed, or anxious but it really wasnāt too bad. I think I needed to catch up on sleep for the week. Getting up stupidly early does start to catch up.
Inching closer to our move. I canāt wait.
I can few this overwhelming urge to create. Im itching to get into a new creative outlet, music, dance or more painting/pottery. My soul is calling out that Iāve wasted enough time and I need to follow my heart. Thatās my goal this year. Find an outlet for my passion. And Iāll find my people too.
Thanks for listening, Iām grateful for you all 
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Thank you Menno youāre absolutely right. Hugs back my friend, proud of you 
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@LaDyLooNtje Well i am just glad you are okay 
You do what is right for you if it works.
I can relate kind of to wanting to feel the good and bad feelings, for me it feels like i am actually working head on with my feelings i want to run from, and it feels good, like i may actually learn to live with them without them having a mega impact on my quality of life and mental health in the future.
But other days i just cant face them, its a big step to feel ready inside to face them to try to deal with it and not trying to be be recovering from the same feelings in 5 years time.
Its great to hear that your into reiki and totem animals i love this kind of stuff, i believe in alot of stuff spiritually.
Im not familiar with the NA workbook im guessing its similar to the AA steps, iv never done them but the past week i have been thinking about seeing how i feel about it.
Well il let you get on and you know we are all here if you need us, best wishes to you and so glad you are ok
@Butterflymoonwoman I hope the end of the day falls into place for you nicely. Love seeing each day your number stacking up.
@Alycia congratulations on your 74 days happy todsy seems to be better for you, your right about talking ourselves out of stuff then realising it wasnt so bad at all, or even enjoying it more than we imagined.
@kat261 Glad to see you here 
congrats on your 4 days, those number will build up in no time you have strength to get through this.
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I think something that helped me especially with the mental health stuff, is to drop all the ideas of where I āshouldā be. That is all a construct. A mix of societal and our own expectations. Iām not saying it doesnāt matter at all,we all have to exist in a world and be able to get along to some extent. Butā¦ We can only start where we are. Beating ourselves up for being at that place doesnāt do anything except make us feel like shit!
That is the acceptance bit. Start where you are. Who knows where you might end up. Could be awesome! 
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It was day 364 20 hours agoā¦ Does that mean itās 365 when youāre reading this? If so WHOOOOT! 
Do you do ice cream? If so enjoy. If not I hope you are very much enjoying something else! In a non-attached and mindful way of course 
And you tagged @Ravikamor on her two yearsā¦ Another congratulations to you Becky! You always celebrate everyone here so I hope youāve felt appropriately celebrated 
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Checking in
Day 117
Finished work. I donāt know how I feel exactly at this point. I sort of feel āflatā emotionally but not really. Itās hard to explain. Iām not great but I do feel abit better than how I did earlier. Iāll be honestā¦ I want to use. Well a part of me does. I feel like a child who wants candy but canāt have it so then has a tantrum. Really needing to use my recovery tools right now to help. I honestly wanted to end this day at 8am. I will make an effort to change things around. Today has been a tough one.
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Do we always need to feel strong? Brene Brown has some wonderful stuff on the āstrengthā in vulnerability, if you havenāt explored that.
Feeling unsure and uncertain is uncomfortable. But being at peace with the fact that we canāt be prepared for everything is a different kind of strength.
I donāt know if Iāve understood what youāve said properly or if that feels relevantā¦ But to me it sounds like youāre just going through a really natural process of change and that means there are new and exciting things ahead as well as the scary and difficult stuff!
For me, I have some health stuff which means I canāt really dip into some of what used to be my go to ways of nourishing my soul. Maybe I will be able to go back to them one day but for now I just have to adjust and find different things. Itās been hard but also a positive experience in lots of ways.
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Maybe a nice hot bath a nice dinner and early night.
Its horrible when we feel like this, we know we have tools that can help us but when we are feeling a bit low or not ourselves its harder to get on with it and get the tools out, mentally we just arent in that place but you meditate dont you, so i think i would try that. It honestly helps me so much when i feel weird or not in reality. It brings me back and calms my mind. This is the one i do when i feel like im not me and it works i hope it can help you too, or you have one that you know will pick you up.
Its 15 mins, i really hope there is something that can feel like a hand reaching out to hold you. And get those thoughts out your head. Your like our superwoman here you have gone through strength to strength, just today just get through today.
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Yesterday was my bad day and you were one of the ones involved with turning it around for me. Today is 100% better for me. Bad days come and go. My daughter is a ānormieā and she has them too. That in itself showed me that it is quite normal to fluctuate between good, bad and meh days. The issue is how we in recovery handle them. Do we reach out or do we hide and dwell in a pity party? Do we maintain our recovery or do we throw it away and use? Identify your feelings, figure out the cause if you can, motivate yourself to move on and focus on finishing out another beautiful 24 hours. I know you know the answers. Look at what you already survived. Lady, you are stronger than you know. Believe in yourself. I do
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Thank u so much girl! I really appreciate it. Iām feeling anxious and sad. I feel like I have no way to escape anymore. Nothing. I used to meditate and have actually stopped awhile ago. I did enjoy it and it did help back then. Maybe I need to get back to that. I DONT KNOW how normal people do it! To not engage in anything to escape. I think I need to find a way to relax and de-stress. Thereās no need to escape. I just need to feel it and let it go I think
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Bingo! You got this! Much love and respect 
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You can get through today, you have done it over and over, believe in yourself, i believe in you i have watched you grow and grow and your blossoming.
I definitely think take 15 mins do the meditation and see how you feel, do you have a friend you could call?
The other thing i always forget about is a meeting get onto a meeting. You just need something to slip your thoughts back on track. I dont like to see you feeling like this.
Think back to begining, the early days when it was so bad so so bad what helped you get through each hour then?
Maybe for today get back to basics and put yourself first, you need to take a break have some food too.
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Hi all! Checking in here with 225 days of freedom in a row!
School is out and I have lots of free time now til aug 29. I will be studying and writing some curriculum this summer, but otherwise I have time on my hands to enjoy this freedom.
Tomorrow the hubby and I are loading up the truck with the dogs and gear and going for 3 days of camping at a state park. We have a site on water. We will paddle and fish and read and sleep and hike and cook and eat and play some games. The campfire will be sweet and the stars will twinkle!
The hubby is committed to sobriety too, so this is our first sober camping, and for him the first camping in many years. I went by myself last summer and just loved it. I was drinking the wine and had the morning headaches and hangover. No more of that!
I hope all are well and I encourage everyone to stick to it. You deserve to be healthy and safe and free!!!
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Oh that sounds like heaven. Enjoy!!
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That sound like its going to be a lovely experience, i love camping. Congratulations on your 225 days too.
@SassyBoomer im glad your feeling alot better today.
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