Went to pool with daughter this morning. It is a pool a little further away than the one we usually go to. I actually always thought it was too far to go by bicycle, and got annoyed at my husband for not taking us by car, but it turned out to be a lovely little ride there, and my daughter enjoyed the bubbles and fountains of that pool.
Then this afternoon was English study with the kids, and a trip to the library to get new reading books for them. AA meeting later, nice that I am not the secretary anymore.
Went to bed at a reasonable hour, fell asleep without difficulty, but woke up around 4am completely rested. I really wanted to stay in bed a little longer. Still, I canāt really say itās a bad morning. Howās all my sober friends?
Thatās a good question & I really appreciate it. Iām not sure, honestly. Just listening is helpful. Empathizing Getting the feeling out of my head and into words is helpful.
I think fear is a normal feeling at times like this. Iām learning to navigate it. This is the first time in my life Iāve put so much on the line, and itās an unusual emotional experience for me. Iām sure Iāll come out of this wiser, but it will take effort.
@Bigbear thank you! Thatās good advice. Iāll take it
I am meditating on this fear. It is bigger than fears Iāve had before. This is the first time Iāve really put this much on the line; thereās a lot at stake. Thereās also a rising emotional weight related to adoption, for which my wife and I expect to be travelling for an initial visit sometime in the next four months. We first heard about it two days ago and I realize it hit me heavy. Iām always surprised at this. Heavy emotion can be exciting or grieving or any emotion, but itās heavy, and often you donāt know it until youāve sat with it for a couple days. It would be nice if they came with a warning signal
Sending success vibes to you . I really respect people who go out and make their own business or try to do things themselves.
Edit - and I just read about the adoption visit. Exciting and nervous feelings, for sure.
That photo just makes me think of this song (5063) Jessica Darrow - Surface Pressure (From āEncantoā/Sing-Along) - YouTube
I havenāt put my days in when checking in before because deep inside it made me feel like a braggart or something. So this lovely morning I sat with my coffee and really thought hard about it. Do I take a bit of pride in my time? Well, yes. I do. Do I try to have others take pride and joy in theirs? Hell, yeah! After the lives we lived with so little to be proud of, every single day being clean and sober is something we can hold our heads up high over. Frankly, showing my days is also a way of being that role model in recovery I keep stressing. If an old addict like me can do it then I have complete faith that anyone can if they put everything they have into their recovery program.
Went to bed early last night and slept in late this morning I feel so well rested at last. My goal today is to relax. Thatās it. Sometimes we just need to recharge our batteries. I usually just push and push to do, do, do. I forget to sit and bask in the peace and joy life gives me. Today is my day.
Iām hoping all of you have a blessed sober day and remember to give yourself time to just enjoy today.
Iām ao grateful u didnāt follow thru with that sneaky thot of taking a sip. Honestly thoā¦ where DOES it come from?! Like even after years it can pop back up. I guess thatās why they call it a daily reprieve. I mean when I think back, I spent alot, if not all, of every day getting high or trying to find money for drugs. So I suppose itās the same for recovery, working on it each day also. But I would be curious to know why once we have crossed that invisible line and became addicts and alcoholics, why we canāt go back. I guess it doesnāt matter really bcuz ultimately it is the way it is. Itās what we do with it now. And Iām grateful that u noticed that little voice and didnāt listen to it. Hope ur day is filled with lots of self care!
Just remember: thereās two types of scared. āLosing your virginityā scared, and āGetting robbed at gunpointā scared. Things are going positive for you now, youāre gonna be gold I can tell.
I your post! If I could heart it 1000x I would!!! I had no idea you have been in recovery for this long and honestly I am sooo glad that you posted your clean time. Brag all u want bcuz honestly everyday is a win for us in recovery! People need to know itās possible to get long term sobriety. I certainly do! To think I can stay clean for the rest of my life scares me right now! So its crucial for me to stay in the moment and focus on one day at a time. It does scare me but at the same time it doesnāt. The only part that scares me is managing my emotions and trauma clean and sober. But I am doing it now. The more I sit with my emotions and not try to change them instantly, the easier it gets to do thatā¦ I just never gave it a real good try before and didnāt think I could do it. I want to get to where u are! This inspires me and shows me that I can get real long term recovery. I love ur posts and Iām so glad ur here! Please keep posting ur clean time
Great to see your numbers show them with pride, youāre definitely an inspiration to myself and no doubt many others here. Iām so grateful youāve joined our community
Feeling kinda down lately, struggling with the regular use of refer and the mrs. Weāve been having talks and I think she agrees that things would be better all around with complete sobriety, but she really likes to smoke and doesnāt feel thereās really a negative with small amounts, but basically daily use. Also she completely quit drinking when I quit so Iām grateful for her support in that regard, and I also donāt hate pot. Itās not like it was with booze where Iām killing myself and ruining my life, but idk half the time Iām Ok with it (I obviously buy it) but even then I just feel like I could do better. Be more articulate and less forgetfulā¦ but then when I donāt smoke at all Iām MUCH more prone to manic episodes where I donāt sleep for like days and go off on spending sprees and other indulgences.
Itās hard cause itās subtle AND itās like the āliving with a drinker,ā problem which Iāve never hard to deal with.
Thankfully things with wife and I have never been better. Weāre talking and working through this together. If the point in life is as simple as living then this thing will add to our life story together I suppose. Thatās how Iām seeing it cause the perspective of being a constant failure (which is my default perspective ) is just counterproductive.
Ill stop rambling now. Thank you all for being here. Take care.
I was a big time potaholic. Even when I gave up my meth I struggled with letting go of my smoke. I still clearly remember the last time I did it. On a beach in Hawaii when I was still claiming around 90 days clean. My mind told me that trying some good hawaiian was on my bucket list so I did it. Went up to my apartment and did the classic paranoid peering out the blinds for hours lol. The next morning I passed on my turn speaking at the meeting. I couldnāt take it so at last call I spoke up and took my last white chip. It was January 7th 1995. I donāt regret it.
Now I stand up in support of any type of MAT for recovery. As far as your manic episodes have you tried any of the cbd products? Just remember there are two types. Those that still get you high and those that donāt but work on calming anxiety and help with sleep. Maybe give those a try. Even pot these days can be dangerous to buy because you never know what is added to it. I swear fent dealers will do anything to create more addicts for their business. Just my thoughts.
Morning Check in Day 125
Almost at work. Feeling pretty good today overall. Actually prayed and did my daily devotionals and readings on the bus. I havenāt connected to my HP like I usually do in the mornings for about a week (made me think about me being a really b!tchy person this weekā¦ coincidence?). Its amazing truly what my HP can do for me when my thoughts and actions are on God and being a better person and not being so self centered and ungrateful. Anyway, I want to wish all the fathers and grandfatherās here on TS a Happy Fatherās Day! Hope everyone has an addiction free day! Hugs TS fam!
I was having a pretty good morning until I realized itās Fatherās Day. My own father died alone, because due to circumstances I put myself into, I couldnāt be there for him. And I canāt have children of my own. Iām trying not to be bummed out by this.
Still, Happy Fatherās Day to all the guys out there!
Still, I canāt really say itās a bad morning. Howās all my sober friends?
Getting the feeling out of my head and into words is helpful.
. I really respect people who go out and make their own business or try to do things themselves.
your post! If I could heart it 1000x I would!!! I had no idea you have been in recovery for this long and honestly I am sooo glad that you posted your clean time. Brag all u want bcuz honestly everyday is a win for us in recovery! People need to know itās possible to get long term sobriety. I certainly do! To think I can stay clean for the rest of my life scares me right now! So its crucial for me to stay in the moment and focus on one day at a time. It does scare me but at the same time it doesnāt. The only part that scares me is managing my emotions and trauma clean and sober. But I am doing it now. The more I sit with my emotions and not try to change them instantly, the easier it gets to do thatā¦ I just never gave it a real good try before and didnāt think I could do it. I want to get to where u are! This inspires me and shows me that I can get real long term recovery. I love ur posts and Iām so glad ur here! Please keep posting ur clean time 
show them with pride, youāre definitely an inspiration to myself and no doubt many others here. Iām so grateful youāve joined our community 
) is just counterproductive.
Morning Check in