Ya lol I usually read my readings and pray on the bus. But I sat at the bus stop once I got off the bus. I had like 20 min before work 
and no one else was there so I shut my eyes and listened to a meditation and focused on my breathing etc. It was nice. Maybe not as good as if it was me at home. But good enough
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Soooo my hubby got me non alcoholic wine. I was a little upset at first so he hid it out of view. Well i was feeling fancy and cultured last night after going to an art exhibit and wanted to try the non alcoholic wine. The bottle, the tasteā¦ everything was triggering. I felt like i was cheating on my sobriety. Then i got really sad i wouldnt be able to enjoy red wine ever again. I had one glass but cant seem to throw the bottle away. Oh well, just some observations on my first experience with the NA stuff.
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Huge congratulations to you Maxine!!! 2 weeks is a beautiful thing!
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Thanks Dana! You have helped me get here. 
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I had a surprisingly good morning. I didnāt get to sleep until 3am, again. Assumed Iād be miserable when I woke up. But I got up at exactly 7 feeling just peachy. Made myself bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Much more hearty than what I usually have for breakfast.
Tonight Iām going camping off one of the nature trails in town, just gotta get some dirt time in as part of the healing process. 
Hopefully the rain holds off till I get there. Nothing more relaxing than rain on a tent. Puts me in a quandry: buses donāt run on Sunday so I have to camp the entire weekend or walk home 3 miles tomorrow. Iām gonna play it by ear.
Anyway, some shout-outs. Hope I didnāt miss anyone!
@BrianP Some of the best people I know are dogs; Iām very sorry for your loss.
@maxwell @Lovelyoutlook Congrats to both of you for two weeks!
@Fury 2 years is awesome, keep it up!
@Rockstar24777 Congratulations on your promotion!
@Mindymoo Iām so glad you had a sober day with the kids; thatās what recovery is all about. Keep up the good work!
@Thirdmonkey I got a feeling your camping trip is gonna be better than mine. Have fun!!
@RosaCanDo You are completely correct about āonlyā. Iām going to stop minimizing my accomplishments by eliminating this word!
@Butterflymoonwoman Itās always great to hear from you Dana. If you can meditate at a bus stop, you pretty much got this under control.
@HillbillyChris Thank you for the update on Mike. Weāre all pulling for him.
If I missed anyone Iām sorry, Iāll get back to you! Everyone have a great sober weekend!
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Hey guys. Just checking in day 29. This week has been very uncomfortable for me as I have been dealing with urges everyday. But I also became aware of why I was using prn, to not being bored or numbing certain emotions.
I am trying to feel those emotions and observing them instead of running away. Its difficult but it must be done. I am also getting sick again. Dont know why. I was sick last saturday. Same today.
Hope you have a nice guys. Peace.
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Thank you Mark, and happy to read youāre going camping tonight! I hope the weather cooperates and you get to enjoy what you love to do! 
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Awe thank u for saying that! You have also helped me
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He is sounding very strong. Laughing which is really good. Seems very dedicated to his work and said he hasnāt been in trouble once! We donāt get an awful long time to talk as, understandably he is speaking to his girls!! He has asked me to look into some aftercare which is an amazing sign so Iām calling about for that. Going to talk to him possibly Tuesday and am going to see if he can get mail. I didnāt have a support group like this when I went but did get a few cards and things so I will see what they allow. First thing he asked is how his TS family was doing and wanted you all to know that and asked if I could post on behalf of him and he said gladly. But I will let everyone know about cards if Mike says itās okay.
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I eventually tried the de alcoholized wine when I was visiting my son. But I was afraid to until I had some time under my belt. Like almost 2 years. I thought this actually wasnāt bad stuff. But then I too felt like I was cheating. I knew I wasnāt cheating. So my wife bought some for the house when we got back home. It wasnāt bad. But again. It didnāt feel right. I wasnāt triggered. It just didnāt feel right. So I donāt do that anymore. If Iām at a family gathering and itās there I might have a glass. But Iām not buying it or having it in the house. Just didnāt feel right.
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Iām always happy if I can make someoneās day a little brighter. I was inspired by @CATMANCAM addressing everybody. I figured out how to do it; I opened a Notepad document and took notes while reading through everyoneās check in. Canāt believe I didnāt think of that sooner. 
I have an appointment with my Valeo guy later on, Iāll have him drop me off at the camping spot. Once I get there, it can rain all night. Just donāt want to get caught in rain and arrive at the camping spot wet. Looking forward to sleeping with rain on my tent!
@BrianP That sounds like a good plan. I have to work on my stamina if I ever hope to go on a real backpacking trip!
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Hi TS Fam, checking in halfway thru Day 15. I ranted yesterday about not feeling better, #painsucks! Today, Iāve calmed down a bit. Still hurt, but Iām dealing with it.
I wanted to drink both yesterday and Thursday a lot, just to make it stop. Then @Dazercat said, play the tape forward. Many of you have said that to me, I never really understood it, but today I do. What would happen if I drink? Well, Iād throw away 2 weeks (again), Iād feel like shit in the morning, enough to make me start right back up and the cycle would take hold. Vodka can fuck off, why would I let that poison control me again.
Good news is, My son and his twin boys are coming for a visit tomorrow, I canāt wait. I will wake up sober and enjoy the day. I wonāt drink today, donāt know about tomorrow, but donāt plan on drinking then either. I hope everyone enjoys an AF day! 
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Seriously.
Enjoy your time with the kiddos. SOBER 
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Thank you! Theyāre a little past 1.5 years, donāt talk coherently yet, but I think they have secret twin babble. Super fun, but they never run on the same direction!
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Day 36 - Evening all. I really missed having a proper check in yesterday. This has become such a fundamental part of my recovery and I appreciate you all listening.
I feel like I am back in my old routines at the moment. The last week or so has been so hectic. Bouncing from one thing to the next, overcommitting and then panicking that I wonāt be able to complete everything. My anxiety is very high right now. Itās strange as objectively Iāve had a very fulfilling week. I was busy at work, got praise for what I am doing. I spent a lot of time with the kids, I went out to a board game cafe and socialised (which is a first on a Friday night!), Iāve progressed the conveyancing and Iāve had a super fun packed day with my boy today, playing games and enjoying each others company.
All great things but I am absolutely burnt out this evening.
Where I went out to on Friday was full of potential triggers but I felt I navigated them pretty well. I have been Alcohol Free for 3 years now (mainly as it lowers my inhibitions and draws me back into my addiction) but I was tempted to have a beer whilst I was out, but I navigated it without succumbing to any of the temptation.
I was super anxious today as well as the friend I am staying with was having a bad day and I was convinced it was because I was taking over the flat. I had my son over and I was worried I had overstepped the boundary. After talking to him though he just needed some time on his own to recharge his batteryās, which as a fellow introvert I completely got. Iām going to try and be more considerate and be out a bit more but itās hard as money is tight and I have my son this weekend who is not exactly outdoorsy at the best of times.
Still, I feel better for typing this and hopefully a good nightās sleep will give me a bit more energy back.
One day at a time as always. This one was harder than my recent one days. But not as hard as others and I am grateful for that.
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Day 147AF
13PMO
Didnāt do anything productive today feels like I havenāt done anything at all. Just found out this feeling of doing nothing at all is a huge trigger for my PMO. Tomorrow Iāll make sure to actually do something because now I feel terrible. Probably go for a run or the gym and some groceries. Good night everyone! 
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Oh Brian, I have just read this and I am so sorry. I know how special Penny is and am so sorry it has come to this.
I just want to say that you have been through so much. Hillsborough alone was horrific enough, but to read everything else is awful. Some people in life seem to have so much more than their fair share. Sending strength in the coming days 
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Hi folks, Kat here on Day 18ā¦ read through the last days posts I really want to read and become regular on here again. Still recovering from my relapse, trying to figure out what went wrong.
- I stopped prioritizing NA meetings and going to one in person or zoom every day. This was a mistake. I recognize that I was doing good when I was doing daily meetings.
2.Although I acknowledged that I had a disease, I treated the disease more like a mild nutritional deficiency than what it is, a progressive and deadly illness that wants to kill me.
3.I got cocky because for a time things were great I was working again, hitting the gym and losing weight, being a good mom to my kidsā¦ but it was too easy. I stopped doing step work. I would phone my sponsor only every couple weeks. I stopped reading the JFT every morning. In short, I was no longer doing the work.
- By this time the depression exacerbation hit. And, not for the first time, I allowed myself to drink alcohol. At first this was only to be one or two, under my boyfriendās supervision. Instantly that rule got abandoned and turned into every night and a bottle or two of liquor at my bedside.
5.Again to change my mood on the spur of the moment, it was a very quick decision that may or may not have been influenced by alcohol I decided to take benadryl. 8 or 10 at a time.
Well thatās the anatomy of my relapse folks. Total meltdown.
The good thing about it is now I hope I have a more proper level of respect for the disease of addiction. I have thrown myself back into NA and go to meetings every day in person or Zoom when there is no in-person. I call my sponsor every day. I am vigilant for signs the disease is coming back.
Thank you all for your support especially @Butterflymoonwomanā¦ I am so glad to be back here and will try check in tomorrow
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Iāll be at the campsite soon, just thought Iād check in while my phone is fully charged. Stealth camping makes me more nervous than it used to. Not worried about cops; the park isnāt closed until 11 oāclock and cops wonāt search the park unless an escaped killer is on the loose. I do worry about homeless people sniffing around.
I think Iāll have a great night. Iāll be outdoors feeling Nature.
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