Have you tried decaf? Get that glorious flavor and coffee fix without getting the jitters and tension? I am a hardcore coffee drinker and I’ve had to limit myself to one in the morning and one in early afternoon. Otherwise I get the jitters and shaky hands which isn’t fun.
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Dingus?? 
I looked it up! Looks like I have a new word!!
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I guess I’ll have to. I just feel like an imposter when I drink decaf.
I’ll have to see if they make any good coffee in decaf.
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Sometimes I have days like that and think “this happens to people trying to get sober and people in general”. I find that I still try to find a “recovery” reason for all my feels. Not saying you are doing that….just your post made me think of that.
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I freaking loved Poison! Thanks for sharing that 
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I started a thread on caffeine and starting it again after a while. It’s the only topic I posted. I tried this Sunday after months of no caffeine and it did not sit well. Check what others shared on that thread. Would definitely like your input and how long you stopped caffeine.
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THIS!!! We tend to forget that even “normies” have undefined off days. Sometimes it’s just life happening. It’s great though that we addicts and alcoholics have the ability to try to figure out the why of how we are feeling. Most people just push through it while we work hard to understand ourselves and that is ok.
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It is important for me to keep tabs on me. Not to the point that I drive myself mad, but to the point that I don’t drive myself to the liquor store!
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I hadn’t thought about that. You may be entirely correct! It’s been so long since I was a normie, and I had MH problems then too, I just kinda assumed I wouldn’t feel this way unless something was wrong.
Doing something different tonight. Instead of watching hiking videos on YouTube, I got two movies from the library. Currently watching “Death On The Nile”.
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Day 255 AF
It’s my O-Day today. Been feeling tired. Forced myself to go on a walk last night. Nothing much going on, stayin busy with my lil man. Chuggin sparkling water all day. No thoughts about booze. I think I’m okay?
It’s good seein yall reach those milestones. Proud of everyone. A lot of good posts here too. They help me keep going.
Have a great day everyone! Take care!
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Day 119 of no self harm.
Work was better today. A lot of setting up still but tomorrow will be actual training. My sleep is just so bad right now. I work from 8:30 to 5:30. Earlier we got an extra hour for lunch if we had finished setting up. I fell asleep and accidentally woke up a half hour later than I was supposed to. Luckily I didn’t miss anything important. I didn’t get in trouble because I blamed time zones. The training runs in CST and I’m MST so I’m an hour earlier than them. But no more naps during my lunch break.
Pretty angry at the moment. I was watching the show Jessica Jones with my friend. My mom walks in and of course it’s in the middle of a sex scene. It wasn’t even that bad. Also I’m literally 20. But when I tried to explain it was a show I’m watching with a friend, that made her even angrier so now my laptop that I bought WITH MY OWN MONEY is taken away for a week. My phone is taken as well but I didn’t buy that so I can sort of be ok with it. I’m 20 and still being grounded. I have watched movies with my parents that have sex scenes and yeah it’s awkward but it’s not like they shut off the TV. But because it wasn’t under their supervision I’m in the wrong. It’s a marvel tv show it’s not like we were even watching something explicit.
I have an old phone that only connects to wifi I’m using. My parents don’t know I have it. I dunno what I’d so without it tbh. There was one summer where all communication was taken from me and I wasn’t allowed out of the house the entire summer. That was definitely the lowest point of my mental health. I couldn’t afford to go through that again. I hate to sound like I’m addicted to technology or the internet. It’s just the only way I have to communicate outside of this toxic dynamic
Something positive: I still have this phone, and work is getting better
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I have been thinking about ur post all day haha I’m curious to know ur thots on trauma and how guilt and shame are related to trauma (if they are)? Just genuinely curious so I can understand 
on a side note… how r u?
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Hello friends. Checking in on day 382. Cool weather today. Got some work done, played scrabble with the kids, went for a walk. Normal-ish day. Wishing everyone peace and strength.
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Hey ya’ll checkin in before bed. Coming up on 60 days thursday. Still trying to figure out who sober me is. I know it will just take time…trying to be patient with myself. Ordered some paint by number paintings on amazon, maybe that can be a new hobby?! Idk i feel like a toddler trying to relearn what it means to live a sober life. In active addiction i was always filling my downtime with booze. Time to start anew
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Checking in on day 24!!! Proud to say that I’m still sober and I plan on staying sober tomorrow as well.
The camping trip was sooooo fun and I’m so incredibly grateful to have experienced it sober. 3 of my friends were drinking most of the time, and my other friend doesn’t drink a whole lot so I didn’t feel alone.
It was definitely hard at times, I had impulsive moments and thoughts where I would think that “one won’t hurt” or “I could sneak a sip”. But I played the tape like y’all always say and every time I came to the conclusion that sober is better. We also recounted some stories from previous camping trips that included my drunken shame, so that helped too 🥲
In the end the trip was magical, wonderful, and brought me clarity and peace.
I hope everyone else had a decent weekend… I’m looking forward to getting caught up with what’s been going on in y’all’s lives 
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I actually heard that on one of my favorite YouTube comedy channels: How It Should Have Ended: Comedy Dubs. check it out sometime!
Nearing the end of Day 2.
Small victory today. The guy who introduced me to the party scene, asked if I was enjoying my sobriety and if I wanted to chill. I told him “in fact i am. It felt good to be able to focus more on work and less about whether or not I smelled and/or if people could tell i hadn’t slept more an hour the last three days.” He congratulated me and left me alone.
Also, went back to my rock climbing gym with my friend, who oddly asked by chance just yesterday if i wanted to go. The last few times I canceled, but I followed through tonight. Working out my body and getting my mind off everything else except what’s the next move to finish this route was…relieving.
I feel it prideful and almost shameful to say this, but I’m glad I realize when I did that as fun, as lucid, and uninhibited as the party scene can be; that is not the best version of me. I may be alone intimately and romantically, and it sucks. Having friends reaching out and checking in; make it all too clear that as much I say I’m alright, and walk with my head up, maybe I am broken.
Also, have my first therapy appointment this weekend. Newho, thanks to those of you who read this, and sorry for the long pity post. Still trying to get the vibe of the whole group support thing. 
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I love this post!!! Everything about it 
way to go Steven!!!
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I’m glad he is better able to understand now. I have also gained a temporary insight into what fatigue really feels like this past year or so and it is not fun.
I have found the reframing expectations and managing disappointments to be tiring in itself. The tools I learned in sobriety and mental health stuff have been useful - maybe it is the other way round for you! On the one hand I have been grateful for them but on the other I’m pretty annoyed that I have to keep using them. I know that is how life works but still, pretty annoying 
@maxwell sending you a big hug too.
One lesson I am taking with me from the fatigue and mental health stuff over the last few years is fuck being busy. Our worth is not dictated by our ‘productivity’. That is a belief system framed by economic dogma. It is a choice whether to buy into it or not. If people choose to, that’s up to them. But not everyone can, and not everyone wants to. 
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What would you be resentful of?
What happens when you drink? For me it was usually some combination of becoming obnoxious, over sharing, doing things that would make me crriinge the next day, forgetting what I’d done or who I’d spoken to or who I’d said what to, being inappropriate for the situation, spending more money than I should, horrible arguments with my partner… Etc. Not guaranteed every time but that risk was always there cos I could not control myself.
Does your husband have a good time when he drinks? Does he become more interesting to you? Or do you feel like you need to drink to be able to tolerate him after a few drinks?!
I don’t know if it is as appealing as a parent cos you are around kids a lot… But can you just hang out with the kids? Not just yours. Like go and play. Be silly with them. I am not a parent and find running around with the kids so much fun at events. They know how to have a good time sober! 
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