Day 41 - Well, another day down. It’s been pretty average to be honest. I went into work again. Worked a shorter day and picked the kids up from school (as always the best part of my day).
I’ve been over at the family house this evening spending time with my step daughter. As she visits her dad every other weekend and with the fact me and her mum are seperated we don’t get much time to spend together so it was really specially to spend time with her. Just being present, in the moment and talking about whatever came to mind. We skyped my parents who happened to be over at my nephew’s which was a great surprise to see them all!
So that would be the best part of my day. Being present, seeing family and being with the people I love. It may on the surface have been an average day but I enjoy these so much after years of brain fog.
Thanks for saying this. She basically said the same but it helps to hear. I think she really appreciating having a better understanding of her daughter’s experience, too. Less mystery and more honesty.
I am a mess. I don’t know if it’s my new job, weaning off my meds, or both. But I keep getting god awful waves of anxiety that I’ve only had a few times since I started taking anxiety medication.(started about about age 12) Now it’s several times a day and it leaves me in unbearable stomach pain. I hunch over and I can’t move much at all. It lasts for at least 5 minutes. 15-20 maximum. I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel anxiety in my stomach, always have. I’ve changed meds several times before but I don’t think it’s ever messed me up this bad. It really feels like I’ve thrown away 8 years of work
It’s starting to affect work. I work from home so I’m still there listening but I’ve had to turn off my webcam 6 times today to just get through those waves. And I still have 2 and a half hours of work. I’m writing this as I’m listening to my trainer.
My brain keeps screaming at me that if I self harm I will be calm because that’s what used to happen. That’s how I would cope. I take my mind off one pain and shift it to a different pain. It hasn’t actually helped calm me down in at least 5 years now but it’s so intrusive and repetitive.
I switch over to my new meds on July 9th and I’m hoping they cause a quick change. Although typically I’ve taken a few months to adjust to new meds in the past.
I can’t let this affect my job. I need this job. I need to move out.
I’m not sure what’s causing the anxiety currently. I know I have a lot of issues that create anxiety but it’s not like anything comes to mind before an anxiety wave. It just hits
I know that feeling…sometimes it just comes without warning and we start wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Keep peeling back those layers to your 8 year old self…
93 days
Hey guys, I’ve been a bit quiet. We have almost completed our move, just a bit of cleaning and gardening back at the old place and a few items out of the shed over the weekend and we’re done.
I’ve struggled a bit with my routine being out of place and my brain yelling at me about not being at the gym, not being unpacked yet, some furniture still in boxes needing to be put together. I actually try and step back from the voice now, like it’s super unrealistic of me to think I could do all of the moving over the last few days, which was a big enough task, go back to full time work, and have my 5 am gym routine in place and everything unpacked at home already I can see now that’s very unrealistic and I’m being super hard on myself being stressed that it’s not all done. It will get done, I’ll get back into my gym routine over the weekend and next week when we have finished with all the house stuff. One step at a time, just like my sobriety.
Lots of people at work at the moment, stressed, talking about going home for that much needed wine to destress. I’m just staying in my lane, doing what works for me.
There’s a bath here, I haven’t had a bath in so long, I can’t tell you just how much more relaxing a nice warm calming bath is vs a stupid glass of wine haha.
Have a great day everyone
Well, my appointment with Vocational Rehab didn’t go so well. My last counselor was going to send me to school after I scored apparently very well on a 3-hour aptitude test I took at some psychiatrist office.
The new counselor says “We don’t do that anymore.” Instead of choosing between work or school, they always put you in a job first and consider you for “additional training” So I have to work in cybersecurity before I can go to school for it. If I just go out there and show off my skills now I’m more likely to get a prison sentence than a scholarship.
So my education plans aren’t working out, but I started on this awesome book today: The Places That Scare You. I think Recovery Dharma may be what I’ve been looking for. Now some random shout-outs; sorry if I miss anyone, I’ll probably edit this later:
@SadMemeQueen Anxiety just happens. Nothing specific triggers mine. I’m just having a great day and The Big Awful just pops up and says “'sup?” @Barbtarbox: congrats on 10 days! @MelSews I’m about to feel your pain. Fireworks are only legal here one week out of the year. Not bad yet, but the weekend is gonna suck. @KellyKelly Congrats on 90! @Lovelyoutlook I’m so happy you made it through the gauntlet! At my age, it takes a while for me to get back to normal… @Staringupfromthewell I’m so happy you got to see family in your right mind; never let that go!
Feeling pretty good lately, our household is finally over all the sickness and we are starting to enjoy our school holidays, although the rain has arrived today and looks to be sticking around for a few days.
Also letting everyone know, a July fitness challenge has been created. Would love you to jump on board - its a 31 day challenge and a fairly simple one which can be incorpated with exercise you’re already doing, or if you’ve been wanting to get your body moving it’s a great one to start with! Hope to see you join us
Ahhh moving! I’ll be doing that in 6 weeks time also at least now the worst of your move is over and you can enjoy settling in and making your new place feel like home and baths are awesome - fragrant bath salts, candles and music… bliss!
Hi All, I’m 3 hrs shy of completing Day 20. @Cjp I was thinking about you last night, Congratulations on 60 Days!! We originally started around the same time, then after 22 days or so, I fell off, got ran over, and drank all the contents of the wagon. But I’m back, and a bit scared of getting past the 22 day mark, but I think I will.
Today was a pretty decent day. I’m telling myself, that it takes time to heal, to feel better, and to keep the faith. And on the other hand, I’m trying to live ODAAT. So a bit of a struggle within my brain.
Another 3 day weekend coming up, and my inner voice did try to tell me, have a few over the weekend, it will make you feel better and no one will know. My response was Shut the F Up, I will know!
I’m definitely not drinking tonight, don’t know about tomorrow, but 21 is my lucky number, so not planning on it. Happy Canada Day Friday, July 1st to all my new Canadian friends!
Checking in Day 136
Have been feeling okay today but also tired. I went to my early appt, came home and baked 3 layers of cake for my “moon cake” I have to make. Have to prep the white chocolate buttercream still. I’m doing okay recovery wise today. No concerns there. Hope everyone has had a wonderful day/night so far
I can see now that’s very unrealistic and I’m being super hard on myself being stressed that it’s not all done. It will get done, I’ll get back into my gym routine over the weekend and next week when we have finished with all the house stuff. One step at a time, just like my sobriety.
at least now the worst of your move is over and you can enjoy settling in and making your new place feel like home 
and baths are awesome - fragrant bath salts, candles and music… bliss!
Shut the F Up, I will know!
