Day 4! I can usually do 3-5 days, it’s after that the urges get stronger. Then the weekend hits and I tell myself I deserve to relax. I work hard after all. I can drink like everyone else! If I portion control. Then, I’m good until I’m not! Waking up not remembering going to bed. Feeling extreme anxiety about what might of happened. Scarred to find out if my husband is talking to me or not. Waiting for my son to make a comment on something I said or did. Feeling the extreme toxic shame. This is a vicious cycle. That should be enough to stop right? It’s not enough to physically feel like crap, but to have constant shame too. Never mind the damage it causes my family. This time I’m going to finally be strong and cope differently. This is my daily promise to myself and family.
I hope you stick around, Beth. The first week is tough but you’ll be stronger each day you abstain.
You definitely deserve a great life with your family! I’m rooting for you, 
Thank you!
Just got home a couple hours ago from a 450 mile round-trip to an MLB baseball game. Had such a fun day planned with my 19 year old son. We left really early, was gonna be a big day. To make a long story short, it didn’t go good. We were in the stadium for 15 minutes before leaving and coming straight home. My son has some issues but he really messed this up. I was sad, mad, angry, exhausted… everything. But, in the car driving home, I remembered all of the things I’ve read on here about expectations. It helped a lot. It also helps writing out this vague share (this is hard for me). Thanks to you all.
Day 270 AF
Another busy day at work.
Brought the lil man to the park. I will catch with yall in a bit.
Hey Mark! I haven’t been on much today. How are you doing now? It’s soo beyond hot here also. I’ve been confined to my apartment also for most of the day
I’m glad u didn’t allow someone or something to prevent you from getting the support u need here on TS. Glad ur back 
Yeah I thought I’d get out and move around a little today, until I actually got outside. 
Kansas humidity is punishing! And it’s supposed to be over 100° for the next week.
Going a little stir crazy between unemployment and the heat. Also feeling a little temptation since I got my taxes back. 
Still I can’t complain, I’m sober still, and I am planning on a trip in the near future if I get back to work soon!
How are you?
Keep ur eye on the prize my friend! That trip sounds wonderful! Where would u like to go? I’m doing wepp tonight. Now that it has cooled off abit I can open up the windows and get some fresh air and a breeze in here.
Good evening all checking in on day 327. Was a nice day and got a tree down in the yard. More pickup tomorrow and finishing up on my final essay for this class and then starting another! Hope everyone stays safe and takes care.
Soooo excited to get a good sleep tonight!
I’m really nervous about my sister in law’s event coming up this weekend.
Thankful for seeing my grandfather today and for having time to garden.
I love summer but I find it more challenging to stay sober.
Sending love to you all❤️
Checking in day 78.5. Attended a friend of Mines birthday party cookout. Brought a cake and some n/a beers. Met some cool ass people and ate a bunch of good food. The not drinking thing didn’t bother me even though it was around. Felt like another victory. I was talking to my wife about it on the drive home and we came to the conclusion that if I was drinking that tonight would have been a completely different evening. I mean there was a handle of vodka and no one was hardly touching it… I would have been blackout within a couple of hours in the past. Also I’m sure that I would have thought everyone was drinking in the way I use to drink. That wasn’t the case at all. In fact they were all having a few beers at the most. We left around 9 pm and went down to lake tahoe for a night swim and drove home. Old me would have been loud and probably got in my argument about staying later l (even though we had our 4 year old with us). I’m happy to be able to remember and enjoy events now without booze, and happy that it seems be getting easier. Thankful for another day sober! Much love all:)
One day at a time Beth. I know it’s cliche but it fucking works! I had 3 days so many times I can’t count. After about a week it started getting easier. Less waking up with soaking wet sheets ect… you got this. I do not miss those feelings of wondering what I said and to who. The nightly blackoys and drinking the next day to feel semi normal. It’s a vicious cycle, and not a fun one. Sober life is a better life for us!
Two things to change. First your idea you ‘deserve’ a drink, you deserve more! You deserve a happy, dignified sober life. And second, that ‘just a couple’ is a lie. Certain people can never have just one, and that is just how it is. I can’t fly or do a handstand either. I’m sure you can keep your promise to yourself and your family.
You are absolutely right. I am at my worst addiction wise when I am flying around trying to do everything just right now, pushing myself to the limit.
Now I have a base again I can slow things down and focus on my recovery work.
1132
Coffee. My weekend. The dealing-with-aggression training yesterday was a bit confronting after the incident at work last week. But useful. Now for my real weekend. Big mountain stage in the Tour de France today, will be watching that with a friend instead of riding myself, might do that tomorrow. Cook some good food too. That should do it for today.
And be sober and clean of course, just like I expect from you all. That’s why we’re here. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdam.
Day 702
Feeling a bit overwhelmed with work. Lots of students with Corona, so lots of emails informing absences, and as it is the end of the semester, lots of assignments, feedbacks, etc, being sent individually, and I am concerned I will miss things.
I have also twice felt like I said the wrong thing, left a bad impression, etc, with a colleague. My people pleasing feels a bit out of control. Especially when there are opposing factions in a workplace, you cannot please everyone.
Famous last words, but getting on fairly well with the husband. Still bickering as we always do, but fairly good-naturedly, and he has been quite complimentary lately.
Day 20.
Every day feels like a different emotional rollercoaster. One day I’m up, the next I’m pissed, day after that is a coin toss.
Still fighting with myself not to contact my ex. I know I shouldn’t. I know he won’t and isn’t struggling the same way. Probably more addicted to the relationship than booze at this point, it’s on my mind more.
Wish there was an app to deal with this. And don’t say tinder, the joke is too easy.
Hope everyone is doin good and flyin sober 
I’m determined to be done this time. I never had any support before, I know it will be different this time. Thanks for responding.
Your right! I need to change my perspective. Thank you for reaching out.