When you said thisā¦
and then said thisā¦
It made me wonder how it would work out if you let go of that analyzing part of it completely. Let go of thinking about the topic and just followed your heart. How would that feel to you?
Oh man guys. My dog was killed by a car this morning. He was my best friend. Iām absolutely shattered. My whole family is. Life can be so damn unfair.
RIP little Pedro.
Aww, so sorry, Alycia. 
Big hugsā¦
I am sooo soo soo sorry for you and your family. Thats tough for sure. We are here for you 
Oh wow Chris!! Congratulations on 11 months! Ur right around the corner from a year! Odaat 
Evening Check in
Day 156
CPI (non violent crisis intervention) refresher course went really well today! Iām glad itās over tho. Got home by 4pm, relaxed with hubby, made supper, ate and didnāt feel incredibly ill due to eating carbs! Iām even happier about that! Had a small urge to use tho which I think was weather or stress induced. I always question now why I have these urges. I used to think they came out of nowhere basically. But im finding that not to be true for me. When really looking underneath the craving, I find that I am actually needing something else. (Drugs just happened to be what I always used for basically every need of mine). Today I realized that I needed to slow down and relax. I had been going since early this morning and I desperately needed a chance to unwind. The craving popped up and once I took a look at what I really needed, I gave myself that, and the craving went away. Then out of nowhere I saw this meme and I felt that it explained exactly what happened for me (weird right?!). Anyway, thought this may help others:
Iām so sorry. Sending love your way.
Omg how extremely awful is this! My deepest condolences on ur fur baby 
Omg Alycia how devastating. 
Day 110
Struggling for reasons. I feel dull and tired right now, burned out; I canāt muster the discipline. Still sober and taking my meds, but thereās no more high octane manic windfalls right now, or even if the same caliber because of them. Seems like years since Iāve been dogmatically ambitious for anything.
Objectively itās okay, meds are doing what theyāre supposed to, and Iām thankful really; Iām just gonna have to force myself to be disciplined with self care & mindful habits until they stick again. Very rarely getting any alone time to recharge my hermit battery and itās REALLY taking a toll on my mind.
Iām still here. Maybe move to the gratefulness thread after this; have to keep trying. I have to find the balance SOMEtime. Gonna keep going, keep trying for now
Evening check in, day 4.
Anxiety has been racing all day, canāt get a deep enough breath. Curiosity won and I called my ex just long enough to hear a ring, so my number isnāt blocked. Hopefully this knowledge helps to put things behind me; he chose not to reply and I need to choose not to reach out.
The anxiety is really making me want to drink. Hoping that being in the ac and darkness of the apartment will help at least with this shortness of breath feeling.
Posting these updates really helps to hold myself accountable. Big thanks to everyone who reads em!
Hope youāre all having a great and sober time out there 
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear that
Checking in day 85. Worked day shift, and took my dog to the lake. Sent an email responding to a potentially be coaching for the hs jv soccer team in my area. Excited to hear back. Something I would have done while drinking but wouldnāt have been able to actually do. Hope it all works out. Anyways, happy to be sober, and available for new and exciting opportunities. Much love yall!
Oh no, how awful. Hope youāre all ok 
Hey lady! Im so sorry ur going thru alot right now. Balance is soo tricky for us addicts and alcoholics. We tend to do anything and everything in extremes. I know I do 
no matter if itās good for me or notā¦ even the good things can become a negative thing if done to extremes. BUT I will say that ur self awareness amazes me. It always, always has. And itās so nice to see u posting and making these realizations of what isnt working for u in ur recovery. Recovery definitly isnāt a straight smooth line of gradual improvement. Itās up and down and all over the place lol and this too shall pass and u will begin to feel that sense of peace again sometimes I have to go back to the basics of recovery (and I have just over 5 monthsā¦ not long like u), but I even have to return to what used to work for me in the beginning to get my grounding again. I get very āflightyā at times lol but u have done so much work on urself that I truly believe that u know what u need to do to return to a place of peace and how to direct urself back to a place of calmness hugs hugs hugs my friend. Love u!
Grandma had her appt. Teleconference doctor had Covid. He said given her case appt shouldnāt be pushed out. The scans she got in April show cancer of the left lung but she also had pneumonia so he wasnāt able to have a clear picture. He wants to rule out cancer on the right lung . So she will be getting new scans and lab work. Another waiting game, but wait is all we can do at this point. Tuesday she will have consultation to go over her new scans. She starts to look tired now and looks like she will need someone to start helping her throughout the day now. We are starting to make plans as a family to have someone with her during the day. I am kind of emotionless right now. Like I donāt feel sad but obviously not happy. I think it will be different once we know the actual coarse of action.
This didnāt trigger a craving or wanting to drink and Iām glad Iām sober and clear headed to deal with this part of life.
ODAAT 
Thank you all for letting me share and giving me support through this. Happy to have found this community. You guys have done so much for me! Very humbling to see thereās still good out in the world even if we are all addicts and working through our faults.
Day 277 AF
Felt a little tired again today, but I got some excersises done. I went for short walk around my complex. The kiddos passed out early tonight. I think theyāre still feeling the beach day.
Yall have a goodnight fam. Stay strong.
#Day 1401 
Tomorrow I have a wedding to go to wich involves a lot of drinking. Not my drinking but I know I still find situations like that a challenge.
Itās the 2th mariage of my sister in law so I canāt skip it. Iāll manage. I know if I see drunk people Iām always so glad Iām not there where they are anymore. So itās a mirrow too such a party.
But thereās always that little voice in my head whining: why canāt I just have one 
Stupid addiction.
But I win, not my addiction!
Picture of yesterday evening walk: rainclouds coming in. But unfortunally the just went by.
Hope for some rain for today, itās very dry up here.
Take care everyone
