@Mindymoo@BrianP@Alicat22 Thank you guys. We are most likely going to meet at my grandma’s this afternoon.
@Matt Sorry you and @DryIn785 are having a hard time. I know sharing has been very helpful for me. @Matt I have been an overthinker since I childhood. It’s hard. It takes up a a lot of energy. I don’t know the specifics of the situation but I hope that your work with your therapist helps out with the issue. @DryIn785 Stay strong my friend. Sober is a lot better than hung over or drunk.
@Miranda Glad you are back sharing with us. I’m sure its not easy but you are here putting in the work again and that’s already a step in the right direction.
@moonchild7994 I see you are in a tough situation with your sister. I know first hand conflicts with loves ones are tough. I have never done the 12 steps but it looks like you are on the right track with a sponsor and doing the steps. I hope that you can feel better emotionally soon. like you said using will not make anything better. Thank you for sharing with us.
It’s all good! Looks like I’m employed again. Have to fill at some paperwork tomorrow. Around here, places that have a high turnover rate make you work through a temp agency for a month or two to see if you’re going to stay with them.
I’m fine with that, because if all goes well, I’ll be leaving in September.
Still having slight urges, but nothing unbeatable. Thank you for asking!
@Miranda It is hard when a partner drinks, the resentment swells up. In the end, you have to focus on YOU, you don’t want to drink, so what he does it incidental. @Dazercat is a wise one in this situation
@moonchild7994 That is a tough pill to swallow. But you were doing the best with what you had at the time, using or sober. We are all works in progress.
@Alycia Man, people need to mind their own damn business. Rather than focus on how fun or not someone else is, they should focus on their own fun. And nagging someone to drink is not fun.
It made me wonder how it would work out if you let go of that analyzing part of it completely. Let go of thinking about the topic and just followed your heart. How would that feel to you?
Evening Check in Day 156
CPI (non violent crisis intervention) refresher course went really well today! I’m glad it’s over tho. Got home by 4pm, relaxed with hubby, made supper, ate and didn’t feel incredibly ill due to eating carbs! I’m even happier about that! Had a small urge to use tho which I think was weather or stress induced. I always question now why I have these urges. I used to think they came out of nowhere basically. But im finding that not to be true for me. When really looking underneath the craving, I find that I am actually needing something else. (Drugs just happened to be what I always used for basically every need of mine). Today I realized that I needed to slow down and relax. I had been going since early this morning and I desperately needed a chance to unwind. The craving popped up and once I took a look at what I really needed, I gave myself that, and the craving went away. Then out of nowhere I saw this meme and I felt that it explained exactly what happened for me (weird right?!). Anyway, thought this may help others:
Day 110
Struggling for reasons. I feel dull and tired right now, burned out; I can’t muster the discipline. Still sober and taking my meds, but there’s no more high octane manic windfalls right now, or even if the same caliber because of them. Seems like years since I’ve been dogmatically ambitious for anything.
Objectively it’s okay, meds are doing what they’re supposed to, and I’m thankful really; I’m just gonna have to force myself to be disciplined with self care & mindful habits until they stick again. Very rarely getting any alone time to recharge my hermit battery and it’s REALLY taking a toll on my mind.
I’m still here. Maybe move to the gratefulness thread after this; have to keep trying. I have to find the balance SOMEtime. Gonna keep going, keep trying for now
Anxiety has been racing all day, can’t get a deep enough breath. Curiosity won and I called my ex just long enough to hear a ring, so my number isn’t blocked. Hopefully this knowledge helps to put things behind me; he chose not to reply and I need to choose not to reach out.
The anxiety is really making me want to drink. Hoping that being in the ac and darkness of the apartment will help at least with this shortness of breath feeling.
Posting these updates really helps to hold myself accountable. Big thanks to everyone who reads em!
Hope you’re all having a great and sober time out there
Checking in day 85. Worked day shift, and took my dog to the lake. Sent an email responding to a potentially be coaching for the hs jv soccer team in my area. Excited to hear back. Something I would have done while drinking but wouldn’t have been able to actually do. Hope it all works out. Anyways, happy to be sober, and available for new and exciting opportunities. Much love yall!
Hey lady! Im so sorry ur going thru alot right now. Balance is soo tricky for us addicts and alcoholics. We tend to do anything and everything in extremes. I know I do no matter if it’s good for me or not… even the good things can become a negative thing if done to extremes. BUT I will say that ur self awareness amazes me. It always, always has. And it’s so nice to see u posting and making these realizations of what isnt working for u in ur recovery. Recovery definitly isn’t a straight smooth line of gradual improvement. It’s up and down and all over the place lol and this too shall pass and u will begin to feel that sense of peace again sometimes I have to go back to the basics of recovery (and I have just over 5 months… not long like u), but I even have to return to what used to work for me in the beginning to get my grounding again. I get very “flighty” at times lol but u have done so much work on urself that I truly believe that u know what u need to do to return to a place of peace and how to direct urself back to a place of calmness hugs hugs hugs my friend. Love u!
Grandma had her appt. Teleconference doctor had Covid. He said given her case appt shouldn’t be pushed out. The scans she got in April show cancer of the left lung but she also had pneumonia so he wasn’t able to have a clear picture. He wants to rule out cancer on the right lung . So she will be getting new scans and lab work. Another waiting game, but wait is all we can do at this point. Tuesday she will have consultation to go over her new scans. She starts to look tired now and looks like she will need someone to start helping her throughout the day now. We are starting to make plans as a family to have someone with her during the day. I am kind of emotionless right now. Like I don’t feel sad but obviously not happy. I think it will be different once we know the actual coarse of action.
This didn’t trigger a craving or wanting to drink and I’m glad I’m sober and clear headed to deal with this part of life.
ODAAT
Thank you all for letting me share and giving me support through this. Happy to have found this community. You guys have done so much for me! Very humbling to see there’s still good out in the world even if we are all addicts and working through our faults.
Evening Check in 
no matter if it’s good for me or not… even the good things can become a negative thing if done to extremes. BUT I will say that ur self awareness amazes me. It always, always has. And it’s so nice to see u posting and making these realizations of what isnt working for u in ur recovery. Recovery definitly isn’t a straight smooth line of gradual improvement. It’s up and down and all over the place lol and this too shall pass and u will begin to feel that sense of peace again 
