Congrats you two getting to 40 days!!
Sorry you’re still struggling with sleep Maxine.
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It took quite a long while for me to feel anything other than jittery, anxious, easily irritated, angry, sad, exhausted, dehydrated, sick to my stomach, desperate for sugar and ready to rip anyone who dared look at me or question anything I said or did a new one. Exhausting!!! Just like hangovers.
That said, I had drank for a long long time, so getting sober was 100% new for my body. It was an adjustment period for sure.
So many people suffer in those early days, weeks, months…with varying symptoms …physical, mental and emotional.
Adding in your RA…well, I imagine that adds many layers to your recovery. Hopefully you have a doctor(s) you trust to help navigate thru to health. 
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Yesterday my husband bougth for me a alcohol free gingerbeer, he did not find the one I wanted so he took another and made sure AF. I was a little unsure because im picky. But it was really good.
So I wanted to buy one today and I did. Put it in a glas and drank 3-4(4 I have number ocd) big sips. I read the label, it Said alcohol 4%! I immediately started crying. Spitting it out and pour everthing out the sink.
Now I feel so bad, and Just crying. My body was totally free from this poison, and now I have it inside. I hate to know its inside me, I dont want anything to do with alcohol. Im Just so Sad.
Edit: the one he bougth was AF, I bougth what I thougt was the same, but the label was a bit different and I did not notice when I grabed it.
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Day 1355.
Trigger warning: drug use
I have been thinking where to put it. I need to get it out. Just am home from my group where one of the members reported of a relapse and while talking about it also mentioned that he is waiting for the next thing to arrive and use.
After some talking and back and forth he couldn’t be with us in this situation anymore.
I was so nervous. It made me fucking nervous, helpless, angry, powerless. The point of I dread getting high was passed. The decision made weeks ago. I saw it coming. He announced it long time ago.
It was a tough group and yet another time it showed me how grateful I am to be sober. I am grateful that I don’t fancy a drink, that I don’t romantisize drinking anymore. I am grateful I’ll hit the pillow sober tonight.
I am grateful for you here.
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Thank you! I have also heavily drank for decades, including the past 12 years with non stop black outs. I’m amazed I’m alive. So feeling better in a couple weeks was probably a dream. I will continue to have patience 
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It was an honest mistake, try not to be too rough on yourself. I did the same with some cough medicine years ago and felt awful too. You didn’t know and it wasn’t intentional.
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I don’t think that’s a cause for a reset, it was an honest accident.
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No it was in no way intentional. I was in complet shock when the label said 4%. I know it was a unintentional mistanke. But only knowing it is inside me makes me feel horrible. I had to go try throw it up again, thats how bad I feel.
No I dont think I should reset, it was not my intention to drink.
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I’m sorry you went through that. And FYI, I count way too much shit as well. I annoy myself sometimes when I realize I’m doing it.
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Thank you. Yeah the counting can be annoying, but still cant stop it 
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Me either 
The counting during swallowing hit home. 
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Day 5 - Evening everyone. It sounds like a lot of people have had hard days today. I just wanted to start by saying I’ve been there on the tough days, and I’m here now, reading your posts and sending as much positivity as I can your way.
I’ve gone past the Day 2/3 feeling really rubbish and I got some sleep last night so I feel a whole lot better. I was asked by work to answer some questions about myself for a internal newsletter. Normally I would either say no or give some non committal answers to questions like “What do you do in your free time?”. I would say things like “catching up with friends, watching sport, exercise”. But this time I decided to step massively outside of my comfort zone and just say what I actually like doing (Reading Fantasy Novels, writing stories and playing story driven games with my friends).
Whilst that may not seem like a lot it was a massive step for me. I have always been cagey about being a geek. I got teased for it a lot particularly in secondary school (not sure what the US equivalent is but it’s 11-16 year olds) so I have spent my life with my guard up. That guard mixed with my eczema, awkwardness and general anxiety led to me being full of self loathing. Even some of my oldest friends don’t know about my geeky side because it’s always been something that I assume I will be mocked for. So to announce it to a group of around 300 people is a big change of pace!
I did it mainly to step out of my comfort zone and try to acknowledge that the things I enjoy are part of me, they are things I love to do and if that’s the case then being honest about that might help me take a step towards loving the person I am.
I hope everyone has a good clean day today. We can do this, one day at a time.
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Doing great man keep it up!
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Hey Waikikki.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
But it seems like a very honest mistake. I hope after feeling shitty about it for awhile you can let it go.
It’s ok. If your nervous about picking up because you had a few accidental sips? You know where to find us. We got your back. And resetting is out of the question. Your good.
When you’re able. Cut yourself some slack. Good learning experience.
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Good for you for being honest and not hiding your true self, I’ll bet you’ll feel some relief showing others who you really are and what you love. 
Well done on 5 days btw
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Hi guys, Kat here Day 47!
Just at the dog park with my new rescue guy, read about your Pedro @Alycia and am so very sorry totally heartbreaking.
Things going ok with my dog Horton he is about a year and a half old and kinda half trained. He (mostly) knows to pee and poop outside though he did take a pee on my bedroom door last night (probably our fault for not remembering to put him outside often enough.)
He can sit and shake a paw, and I think understands the word ‘No’ though he still barks at unfamiliar noises and when someone comes to the door. He can be a bit in your face when you’re eating until told ‘No.’ He nips when play gets too rough. All normal at this stage.
Recovery wise… @Butterflymoonwoman Dana your post struck a chord with me about upping the recovery game… I find as the days pass and I miss doing the things I am in danger as happened in last relapse at 9 months. Must do the things! Ok here goes
- Read recovery literature at least 1 chapter a day.
- Check in on TS and read other’s posts take experience strength and hope
- Attend NA meeting every day even if just on Zoom
- Pray. I don’t do enough. Ask God in morning to help me be clean. Thank Him at night for his care of me.
5.Call sponsor once a day. Try to make new meeting to go over completed stepwork.
That’s me for now… Recovery is hard work but so so worth it!
Love Kat
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Aww, I know that feeling. I had a dessert while traveling that I didn’t know had alcohol in it until I felt the familiar heat in my stomach and read the menu. It made me feel guilty and shameful.
But you know, sobriety is so much more than the absence of a chemical in our body, and you are doing great. In fact, did you know that the microflora in our digestive tract produce alcohol all the time? It’s called endogenous ethanol production. So the way I see it, your 4 accidental sips of ginger beer (and my Eierlikör-Dessert) is just part of the ethanol background noise in our body. Don’t let it get you down!
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Good luck Cassi! 
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