1140
Coffee. Early shift ahead. Luna’s eating a lot better than the last days, not sure if it’s the heat gone for now or she decided she won’t eat this one brand no more and I got her another one. Anyway it´s a relief.
First session of the course for working with my experiences as a professional was interesting. A bit triggering in some aspects as there´s folks with all sort of mental health problems, and some of ´m drink and smoke and talk positively about that. I think I can handle it and will work through the material the coming days and see it will give me what I want. On first glance I think it will.
So off to work it is. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Let´s make it sober and clean. Love from Luna and me.
#Day 1402
Goodmorning TS people
Long day ahead because of the wedding of my sister in law. Never been to a wedding of 2 women and I’m curious about what they are going to wear. Bought myself a lovely 1930 look a like dress with little hearts on it that (I think) match with the occasion.
Allmost 4 years sober, but days like this still made me think about alcohol because it used to be such a part of my life. It’s so “normal” and infiltrated in our lives. A celebration? A wedding? A gratuation? Let’s pop up a bottle! Even at a funeral. Feeling sick? Take some rum to get the virus out
So (I say to myself) it’s normal to think about alcohol at occasions like this. It’s a mix of habits that I’ve learned trough the years and my addiction speaking as well. Adress it and dealing with it is my answer to it.
So tonight I give myself the order to find the biggest drunk I can find at the party floor and I’m going to tell myself: is this what you need?
Maybe childish of me, but also harmless.
And I’m going to order a virgin coctail if they have it. That’s my plan.
Hi everyone,
Checking in on day 124. I’m feeling good and pleased that my partner has joined me in not drinking so that’s nice.
I had a lovely day in Leeds yesterday at my daughter’s graduation. Very proud.
Checking in day 86. Was offered the job as the jv coach. But can’t accept it because it only pays 2 grand one time and it would cut out my other job. Spoke with the varsity coach today I am going to help out with the varsity team as an assistant on my days off and whenever I can. I’m grateful for this opportunity! Great to get my foot back in the door in the futbol community around here. Also the team won state championship last year. Life is good! Happy for another sober day! Time to put the phone down and get some sleep. Night yall!
Hey all, I’m back it’s been a long Yr of mental health and addition, but I’ve come bk to what helped me keep and stay clean b4 as I obviously can’t do it by myself. I’ve withdrawn from meetings and withdrawn from life, but there’s still that spark in me that knows this life no longer serves me, I’m trying to shed that old skin to become the person I’m proud of but it’s tough "so it’s a good job a im a person that wants to fight for my freedom. Gratitude to you all I know the journey is full of bumps in the Rd.
Missing @Twizzlers ! @BrianP It’s nice to see you with such a clear head about your sobriety. Congratulations on that. Condolences. @PinkyP congrats to your daughter
I’m sorry about the family dog … I have to look back and see proper way to mention the name. @Alycia
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I feel a bit better about it today. It was like a complet shock because Im so determind to not drink any alcohol in anyway, and I got so scared, not to fall off and start drinking again, at least not now, but to have it inside me and what it would do to me. Not feeling completly free from alcohol in my body. I got scared I would feel the pain again, the damage it would do to me, and I really saw the tape playing in my head.
No it was not intended, I did not keep drinking and I spit it out as soon as I read it was alcohol, so I think like you all that this will not call for a reset, it was not a slip, not a relapse, I did not drink intended or fall off the wagon. I was maybe a bit fast taking something I tougth was the same without checking good enough only assuming. Wont do that again! This is not Day one again, never again. Only one more Day.
Day 304 going steady my partner is going to Spain tomorrow with her mum and my daughter so gives me 17days to catch up on some sleep and some CA meetings hope everyone is well
Day 13 AF! I commit to my promise to myself and my family that I will not drink today. I’m so very greatful for all that I have.
I’ve notice that I have been binging on snack foods at night. I don’t usually eat junk food. I’m super strick and eat low carb diet. I recently lost 20 pounds and do not want to gain it back. I think I’m turning to snacking instead of wine. Need to stop this in its tracks before I undo all my weight loss progress.
My motivation/energy has been low this week and I’ve missed a few alarms and slept in instead of going to the gym. (something else to feel bad about, plus the increase snacking). I’ve always had insomnia and poor sleep habits. This past 2 weeks, I’ve slept better than ever, but it still doesn’t feel like enough!
I think I’m trying to do too many things at once. I can’t expect perfection. I need to give myself time to figure this out and not beat myself up on the other areas I don’t get perfect. I need to focus on not drinking. ODAAT!
Thank you for letting me share that. Have a great day everyone. Hope you all have peace and joy!
@Wakikki I can understand your feeling, but it was an honest mistake, and a few mouthfuls in isolation won’t hurt you. Just maybe be aware of if you get any cravings, addiction can be a sneaky thing.
@Staringupfromthewell I think it is great you are owning yourself. I also feel like I should pretend I am cooler than I am. No, I am a boring middle-aged woman, and if people don’t like it they can fuck off.
Nice day today. Took daughter to work as she was bored being in the house all day while I am working. The students were all squealing ‘cute’ at her and she loved to show off while ‘helping’ hand out papers, stamping quizzes, etc. This afternoon went to a park with the kids. My daughter played in the sandpit and my son hunted for bugs. At 9 and 13 I wonder how much longer these family afternoons will continue. I bet not much longer so better appreciate them while I can. And made a yummy curry for dinner.
Day 52 and day 2 with contacts, was able to get them in good today. I don’t feel them as much as yesterday and I love being able to see. I’m doing ok, but I am struggling a little bc in future tripping, I miss my girls and I’m not sure if I want to try and get a job here where im staying now, or go back to Tupper when my time is up and be with my girls and more then likely jobless. Part of me says to stay here and then part of me doesn’t want to bc I don’t want my girls to be without there dad, yes they can come see me but I know if I’m working it won’t be as often as I think. I don’t want them to hold grudges against me and think I abandoned them, I mean look at all the resentment I held against my family and they were all there for me. If anyone has any good insight on this I will gladly hear it. But anyways much love today all
I can completely understand the pull btwn the 2 options. This is just my opinion, but if I were u in ur position I would stay and get a job and begin that future for urself and ur girls. It will be hard bcuz I know how much u love them. But I just think that by staying and getting a good job, u are moving forwards for a better future. I would be a bit hesitant to go back bcuz of the lack of job and then worry about relapse due to boredom or falling back into old ways. I’m not saying u would if u chose to go back. But if I were you, I’d feel like I was going backwards a bit if I chose to return to Tupper. You’re girls can still visit and you can always have that conversation with them about you staying so that they know ur not just abondoning them. I think they would really want a healthy dad Ultimately the choice is urs. We often know the answer in our hearts, we just need to listen
Morning Check in 
Ultimately the choice is urs. We often know the answer in our hearts, we just need to listen