I’ve heard of amethyst’s healing properties; in fact, I was “prescribed” amethyst once by someone who works with crystals. I haven’t done that sort of thing in several years. May be time to return to the Old Ways. 
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No way! That’s cool! Maybe going back to ur “old” ways in this healthy sense is a good thing! 
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Day 1,431
I had a drinking dream last night. In my dream, I was with a old friends and thought, why not.
But shortly after, I realized what I’ve done, and it was too late. I felt disappointed. I then thought, well, no one needs to know, it’ll be our little secret. I could carry on like I’ve still got a long streak of sobriety, after all, it wouldn’t be the first time… (I always choose to hide it in my drinking dreams)
But it was the way drinking made me feel. It made me feel withdrawn from reality. It made me feel trapped in my own, distorted mind. I did not like it!
I dont believe dreams have any deeper meanings other than your subconscious having fun with recent experiences, I went to someone’s house the other day and they kept offering me drinks, I was telling my wife about it yesterday, the topic was fresh on my mind.
But I do see value in the experience, I certainly don’t want to drinknand those yucky feelings I had cements that decision.
But hey, woke up sober, so that’s good.
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Morning Check In
Day 190
Feeling pretty good overall! Woke up, got my son ready for school and on the bus, and then did a decent cardio/ab workout, showered and had breakfast. Really determined to get myself feeling healthy and strong. I actuallt planned my entire days meals to make sure they line up with my goals for the day. It’s been 3 days since I’ve increased my meds. Mentally I do feel better honestly. I’m pleased with where that’s going 
the only thing on my mind right now is my mom. Basically her mental health is not great. She’s going thru a huge change right now… Basically my brother is moving back home. I’m not sure why he is… he had his own place but his relationship didnt work out. I guess that’s why? Idk. Anyway he has soo much stuff and he’s moving back and my mom n dad’s house is packed full of stuff etc. She is overwhelmed. My brother can be kind of controlling (he’s not as bad as he used to be but still)… that affects my moms mental health also. I asked her if she wanted to chat today over the phone and she said probably not bcuz she is going to be bawling all day 
my mom is still waiting for the DBT program to call her for when she can start. I’ve been praying about that so she can get the help she needs and get on proper medication. I said if she changes her mind, just to call me. I text her everyday but theres only so much I can do being like 1300 km away. Just hurts me to see her hurting. Going to do a meditation now I think and enjoy my day
Hope everyone has an addiction free day!
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@Butterflymoonwoman sounds like a great start to your day I am so glad you’re feeling better and got a med change, way to stick with sobriety duing the down days which is what I need to learn to do. I need to do like you do and come here and post and get it all out, describe and explore my feelings, sit with them, in fact anything but use!
I am having a great day I am just filled with joy to be clean and cooking for my son and ex #1. Should go to gym though but it’s that time of month… just a stupid excuse
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Sorry to read about your son Dana hitting his head, is he doing fine so far? I like your “problem - solution” attitude; no helmets at school, we get the helmet!
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I use drawing mandalas as some kind of therapy too! 
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Congratulations on your 800 days!! That’s an amazing achievement! 
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He really is doing well and despite the 2 head injuries he’s had since school started, he’s made huge improvements in his strength and communication already. He really enjoys school and he’s always loved learning so im grateful for that
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Thank u for the nice compliments. I sometimes feel like I’m too emotional when I do check ins tho. I’m either super grateful and happy and upbeat one sec and then frustrated and overwhelmed and sad the next haha. Ive actually wondered what people think on here when they read my check ins lol I try for 2 check ins a day and sometimes it’s literally “verbal diarrhea” lol I just spew it all out 
lol but today is good and I’m also so happy you see ur days increasing too!! Uv learned soo much and have really grown in ur redovery since u came back I feel.
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@HeyImKris I know it is so hard to do - but try and move forward without shame and with love for yourself. Even actions we see in a negative light have a space to be held with compassion and forgiveness inside of ourselves. Part of moving forward and finding our true selves again means accepting our past actions and using them as stepping stones as we move forward. You are not alone.
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Hey Eric, how did today go? Maybe you’ve already checked in somewhere else on the forum, haven’t read too much today. I hope your feeling better today! 
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Checking in on day 24
I had a messy day at work today, I came back from my weekend, and there was a lot of stuff on my desk, and the effin phone didn’t stop ringing! Tomorrow morning I have to give a hand at reception (not a fan of first line face to face with customer work… 
), but otherwise my colleague would be alone. Just the check-in of a tournament, after that I’ll be at my desk again. And after that, I’ll be one week on holidays! 
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Congratulations ! 800 days is amazing !
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Aww thanks Jenny, You’re too kind.
And thank you too Flannery @moonchild7994 and @DryIn785 Mark. And Claire @Claire_Quit
I had a great gratitude revelation on the gratitude thread this morning. I’m glad I put my feelings out here before bed last night and did a nice bedtime meditation about Letting Go.
45 years of drinking and squelching those dang feelings will get to me sometimes. It’s this darn codependency. I think I been taking it out on my wife for the years and years I’ve been surrounded by loved ones who were addicts. All the way back to when my Irish grandfather 
would take me to bars at the beach and in Boston. He was great to me. He didn’t get me drinking or anything. But it probably wasn’t the best environment for a child. And he was a ragging alcoholic and my mother had to deal with stuff she never should have had too. So she raised me as a child of a codependent…… I don’t know. It’s crazy how alcohol affects so many people in so many ways.
Here’s my gratitude post today if your interested.
@Laraellelarissa
I was going to check in later. Wouldn’t leave you all hanging like that.
Thanks again TS for all the support.
Alcoholism.
Cunning, baffling, powerful disease.
Oh and I got my Al-Anon meeting tonight. Looking forward to it.
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Day 143
Today I woke up with fragile intentions to keep doing better, but a strong urge to backslide again since I pinched a muscle 2 days ago doing a pretty intense yoga pose without stretching and warm-up.
Despite knowing better, I’m impatient when it comes to that sort of thing. Needless to say I learned my lesson.
I was having a mini pity-party about it, until today when I remembered someone posting here a couple days ago about keeping it up without excuses.
It was a passing thought but enough to get me on track again, and I did the morning routine and had a great, no-conflict time getting the kids to school.
The fragile intentions became my empowered mindset again, and I rerouted from what would’ve been a quick return to the depression hole I just got back out of. I’m proud of myself.
I also looked up if running helps relieve back pain and such, got a lot of yes answers, so went for it and just finished a one hour run on my elliptical. The pain is gone!
I listened to Joji for the whole hour (lol), enjoyed realigning my thoughts, and felt great again. It’s good to be the master of my own decisions as I keep learning more about myself and my triggers, etc.
Going to meditate & journal then get the kids from school and make blt’s for dinner (yeass).
My day became a great one bc I paused, considered defeat or success, asked what I wanted, and listened to my better judgment after taking time to think.
This isn’t a humblebrag post or anything; just feels cool to be able to recognize and trap those patterns, then actually engage the therapy/recovery tools I’ve learned. It’s cool that I could make my day a good one.
Thanks always for the great community here, it’s amazing how much of a difference this place and the common threads of recovery help.
Have a great day all
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I am trying to go to a meeting that is right by my parents house but my disease is making excuses. I am missing my normal home group meeting and I think it’s a good idea to just go and talk about what I need … I don’t want to walk there but I don’t want to ask my mom for a ride . It’s .6 miles from my parents house so not far but yeah I am making excuses…
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Another disappointing day, not achieved my goals, but did eat food. Try again tomorrow x
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Congratulations on your 800 days of freedom Nordique. That’s what we’re talking about!!
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Checking in, just wrapping up day 5 without a drink! I haven’t made it past day 4 for a few years, feeling good about this round.
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