Checking in daily to maintain focus #46

Thank you :heart::heart::heart:

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Day 60, happy to say that. 2 months feels good again with some actual work, things here are going well, having some small issues with ppl pleasing and being afraid to say no in certain situations bc im afraid of confrontation. But I’m working through it,much love

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Congrats on your 60 days Mike.

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Today is a good day! 10 months + free of binging on alcohol. I feel more confident in my self and in my values than ever and not as afraid to be who I am, say what I feel. I’ve seen a lot in my almost three years on this forum since the start of my sober curious journey. Some things never change, some do. There are patterns that happen and it’s been interesting to watch, and I’ve certainly been one to get riled up at times, but I’m also just happy there is this place where most people are here to be focused on staying sober, being kind, and educating one another. I’m really grateful for the people who have been here for a long time, some are mods and some aren’t, but we all try to keep this place healthy. Lots of oldtimers don’t come on the check in thread these days, and I do miss being here everyday, but I believe that time may have passed for me. Other than an odd check in now and then. Love my amigos here.

Thank you @Salty @SassyRocks @anon74766472 @Mno @Thirdmonkey @Becsta @ELY83 @anon9289869 @EarnIt @AyBee

Too many more to mention, I know I’ve missed folks, but you guys have really supported me. Thanks and I appreciate you.

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Big congrats on your 60 days, amigo! That’s a huge deal! Much love back. You’re awesome.

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Huge congratulations :confetti_ball: 2 months is amazing work!

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Things change AND stay the same in other ways. It is such an interesting dynamic, especially when you have been around awhile (5+ years for me). I appreciate those long gone, those still here and all the new people just arrived and to come. I learn plenty from everyone, that is for sure.

I do so appreciate you Rosa. You have always been kind, empathetic and compassionate during our interactions …even when peeved! Good stuff. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I want to add some appreciation for @Its_me_Stella (I couldn’t find your name earlier!) and @ShesGotMoxie

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I love the way you guys are supporting each other.
@maxwell maybe I won’t get y’all mixed up again. Don’t count on it though. :joy:

There was a point I listen to this over and over again. I haven’t need it lately. I thought I’d drop it here for you all and anyone else that thinks they can just have one. There’s no fucking way I can have just one. It never ever happened!

Not sure if it’s going to download on the plane :grimacing:
I’m glad you’re both here. I don’t give a shit how many days you got. As long as you keep fighting today.
:pray:t2::heart::hugs:

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That is a good chapter in the big book I really relate to ! Thanks for posting . Hope your having a good day !!

I really need to get a physical copy of the big book . I occasionally look it up online or when I go to meetings I borrow one but there is so much in that book I can relate to . There also is certain additions that have a story at the end called … to young to be a alcoholic … that one stuck out to me years ago when I first was introduced to the rooms and still stands true

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Checking in…
944 days substance free
464 days self injury free
80 days sugar free

Everyday I learn new and important things that help me in my recovery. The first important thing that I learned approximately 15 years ago was that maintaning abstinence is not the same as working a program of recovery. It took me 12 years to pick myself up from that very, very hard lesson but I will never forget it. Maybe that is why I work my program so diligently.
I know how very hard I tried to stay clean on sheer willpower surrounded by the love of my family and under Dr’s care. I just couldn’t make it past 18 months, I just couldn’t do it on my own… that was the thing. I was still alone amid a crowd of people who loved me and wanted the best for me. Nobody understood me.
When I finally found the courage to try again I promised myself a year. One full year, I would put everything I had into my recovery and if by the end of that year I was still a fucking mess, wanted to die and my life had gotten no better, then I was going to check out. So that’s what I did, I put my gloves on and I fucking fought. Good lord did I fight, I fought for my fucking life during that first year. Most of you still see me fighting with my addict, it’s a piece of shit and it was relentless during my first year. All day every day for at least 5 months I had constant obsessive thoughts to pick up. It’s all I could think about as soon as I woke up until I went to sleep. After those obsessive thoughts slowed down I thought about drinking constantly throughout the day just not obsessively probably until I was about 15 months sober. When my 1 year anniversary came my addict had already settled itself into my eating disorder and I was sick again but when I looked at my life my spirit had been lit and I was not going to look back. I mentioned in a post the other day about this being a heavy weight fight and that’s how I look at it everyday. I can not put my gloves down… ever. Some people might feel safe to sit back a little on their recovery but not me. I am so, so tired of suffering and the life I live today is way beyond anything I ever imagined I could have. I never imagined I could feel this way inside. I never imagined I could feel at all and love what I feel.
I had a rude awakening many years ago and I nearly lost my life but all I can do is be grateful for those 12 long years of pain I endured. I was well primed to go down still throwing punches.

#wedorecover-ifwefight

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It might sound like a cliche but you’re an amazing example of how to fight to be well. Thank you for sharing your fight.

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You’re just incredible Stella! Truly am proud of you for what you have done and how you continue to fight for yourself and your recovery! :tulip:

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Thanks ladies I think that when we finally get to that point of desperation we will either find our fight or the disease ends up taking us out. I just wanted to share a little for the newer people who weren’t here when I was posting from parking lots 2.5 years ago, begging for strength to make it home sober. Sometimes I regret deleting my first account and all my posts. Live and learn. :heart:

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You lost me??? :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Love you Amiga. :heart:

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Love you back. Yes I did. I was searching and calling out “STELLLAAAAAAAAA!”

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Yes yes yes!!! Congratulations on this milestone❤️ I was posting on the atheist thread and perusing the foodie thread before thinking about how happy I am that there are corners of this sobriety forum that I feel I’ve carved myself into more recently. Made me so happy that this place (exactly like you’re saying) has enough different folks focused on sobriety to make a corner for everyone. ThankYOU for all of your honesty, humanity and openness…it is always helping me on my sober journey❤️

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90 days people!!! Never in my wildest dreams did i think this was possible! Some power just changed my thinking this second attempt at sobriety and i decided to fight for whats good in life. Feeling so fucking greatful today!

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Congratulations! That’s a major milestone and you’ve worked hard for it. Well done.

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Congrats on 90! 1/4 of the way to a yearish. Odaat of course!

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