132 days 
Still bloody raining. I’m getting frustrated about not being able to go out walking outside but it will easy up.
Getting ready for work, I have my food for the day sorted because I prepped on Sunday, and that’s a great feeling. Makes me feel like my goals are actually in sight when I can set it up as a part of routine.
Have a great day everyone!
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You will Kat. Routing for you.
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Day 798.
I went for an interview to volunteer at the children’s hospital today. They liked me so after orientation and a couple things I’m going to start. I’ll start with arts and crafts for the kids!! I’m so excited!
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Awe that will be so fun!!!
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Awe I’m sorry ur so ill 
I’m glad it’s not covid but still. Wishing u a speedy recovery 
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Omg that’s amazing! U will certainly brighten those children’s stay there. What a beautiful way to give back!
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Checking in
Day 175
Had a mini cry when hubby got home from work. Have been anxious now since about Aug 1st about my sons school and him being away from us and more so about trusting others to take care of him properly. I have been reassuring myself every time an anxious thought comes up. But I had been getting call after call today about bus transportation and how to secure his medical equipment on the bus and them not knowing who the LPN is on the bus or any details about their abilities. I sort of snapped at hubby when he got home and he asked why I was being rude. And instead of holding things in like I usually do, I opened up to him about my anxiety. And u know what?! Instead of him using 1 or 2 words to “fix” and dismiss what’s happened, he actually talked with me about it. I cried and it was very therapeutic. We hugged also and that made it so much better. When we used to use, we rarely showed any other emotion beside stress or frustration and we were often distant and nit picky with each other. He had great suggestions for how to handle next Monday (1st day at school) and he is also staying home that day too for support. We will be going out for a lunch date once our boy is on the bus and just spend time together. I can’t even remember the last time we had that opportunity to just be together alone. So I think that will be great for our relationship. Just feelings the feels right now lol but certainly grateful for recovery
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hey all. my hands are shaking too hard to type, but i want say hello cuz im feeling pretty lonely now.
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Huge congratulations to you on 4 whole months! Really very proud of you!!
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Hey Mark!! 
I know u can’t type too well but just wanna say that it’s nice to see u posting! Ur never alone my friend. U got all of us 
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Awe thanks lady! My son has alot of medical stuff going on (brainstem tumor, on and off chemotherapy, is gtube fed, has a tracheostomy to help him breathe and used a wheelchair and walker to get around). The school he’s going to for grade 1 is an amazing school but I have to learn to let go abit and try to trust people a little more. I advocate for my son all the time. I have had to learn to be polite and firm while doing this bcuz sometimes I get quite angry at how some nurses lack certain skills or will argue with me about certain things or fall asleep during an awake overnight shift with him (we have care everynight). It’s important for him to have friendships tho and get an education (he’s been getting schooling at home for the past 3 years as a school readiness thing while doing therapy). I can’t shelter him forever and we try to encourage as much independence as possible. I’m just nervous. Im a mama bear for sure and Im being too overly protective. This will be so good for him and for me too. Bcuz I haven’t had any time for me since he was born (other than working at my job on the weekends). He can’t have a a regular babysitter or an outside family member or anything watch him bcuz tracheostomy training needs to be done to watch him. So having this time for me may actually be beneficial
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Tonight will be day 160 of no self harm. TW for grooming
I’m just having an extremely difficult time with processing all of the things that happened with my groomer. I’m okay for most of the day, but at night I get probably twice as anxious as I normally would anyway. And now I feel disgusting even just appreciating that a fictional character is attractive. Anything remotely attraction related I tell myself is disgusting of me, because my groomer used to make me pretend to be super hypersexual.
Something positive: I’m able to walk a little better now. Was barely walking yesterday because my tattoo hurt so bad
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Hey 
@Butterflymoonwoman
Everything will work out okay, I’m sure.
May I ask is it an overnight school? Or bus there and bus home ? - that what my daughter had.
She went to what we call over here a special school. She didnt have as many needs as son, but I can assure you many of her friends did.
Also I use to work with adults with high needs too, and if we werent fully trained to to do feeding we couldn’t do it. Once we were trained we had to shadow someone doing it for ages, until we were confident we knew what to do. Even with changing we had to be trained and the shadow for each person as each person is different. Some had rods as spines, some cant very moved certain ways and this is what a personal information folder helps with.
When she first went I use to check everything, go to the school, any trips out I’d be there I couldn’t trust them to know she can can fall between the gap in the train, she cant do stairs well with her rare eye condition with other people around.
How would she manage ? All these things that I had been there to catch her or make sure she couldn’t fall.
Well she managed, and the school got to know me and I never felt like I was nagging or being judgy toward to carer as to be honest I think they expect that, it makes their job easier when a parent knows how they want things done.
When I worked in this environment, there are proper protocol we had to follow, a folder for each person, we had to know it all. And alot of it was the statement and the parents voice of what they need.
May I suggest you make him an a4 folder with the first page with his photo, and name.
The second page with with Hello, I like to be looked after …
I must be fed at this time … like this… (put pictures if you need to)
At lunch times I like my nap …
Sometimes I need to stop and take a break and an adult must be with me to comfort me as I may be overwhelmed in a new environments…
I also like people with a sense of humour to work with me having laughs and fun is an important part of my day…
You may already have done something like this, but I did this for my daughter and it really helped.
It’s natural for you to feel the way you do, when my daughter went I felt lost although I had a sense that I had time to do stuff my purpose was her, and she wasn’t there, that took some getting used to. But your right its independence they learn, friends they make, and the people taking care really will care, it’s most likely a bunch of people like you, they wouldnt be there otherwise.
Putting that trust in others to do something you have done all your life is not easy, but it will come and it will all feel right after some time, and your son will settle in.
If not, you will be there still, your not giving up on him your giving him a chance to have opportunities 
I’m glad you found the right bag xx thinking of you all x
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Day 13 again 
Netflix or PlayStation 
coffee first of course.
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Congratulations on your 13 days, I watched sandman 2 days ago it was brilliant.
When you find something that grips you to tv with no time to think just enjoy is nice.
Thanks for recommending it 
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Day 296 AF
Sup everyone
Nothing much going on today. Work and staying busy with the kids. My oldest son is back to school next Monday. Geez, the days are flying.
No thoughts about boozing. I think I’ve handled every test. Just gotta keep doing what I am doing.
Stay safe and take care everyone. We got this.
Goodnite
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#Day 1420 
Still deaf and it start to annoy me a lot. I know it will pass, but not knowing how long this takes is irritating me. It’s hard at work, at home, anywhere. I keep repeting myself: " Sorry, I didn’t hear that, can you…etc. 
At times like this I wish I had a desk job instead of working in a drugstore
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313 days
Today I think I may be better dont want to speak to soon, but if been up since 5:30am which is normal for me.
Where the past week iv been sleeping so much being unwell, and over sleeping in the morning.
I think my plan for today should be easy and kind to myself.
So I think it will go like this:
Cook dinner late morning, as i havent eaten properly all week except yesterday. This way it just has to be heated up later and is available when needed.
The next part of my plan is to get on my laptop and do some of my British Sign Language course, as I enjoy it and I feel I’m losing purpose and there is a world out there that I could be helping with these skills
The next part of the plan is to just read and take it easy as I do want to be better but dont want it to take longer because I’m pushing myself.
I wish you all a lovely day and also il be on and off here, as I have missed you all 
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You weren’t kidding about the quick check ins lol. I get it, man. This app is a lil addicting too. I’m hopping on at night. Gotta focus on the fam first. Hope all is well with u and your ankle. Sober is the way. Take care. Peace.
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So glad you’re feeling a little more normal. I hope it has all passed for you and you’re through the other end of the illness.
Glad to read you’ve been drinking plenty, usually dehydration gets to you and makes you feel worse so that’s a bonus.
Be kind to yourself and your body, it will still be recovering internally so don’t push yourself too hard, you could end up making yourself feel worse.
So glad you’re getting through your BSL course. It will be amazing when you have completed it and you can use your skills combined with your caring nature to help people, there are so many people whose lives you will be able to improve.
Enjoy whatever you decide to cook for tea, smile, read and look after yourself.
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