Congratulations on your 2 years, Fleur! 
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Checking in day 4. Watching Vicki Pattinson documentary. Very moving and upsetting. Relatable.
Amazing how one drug can be so prevalent and so addictive. I love how honest her father is though. I relate to them both / I said the same to my partner. I canāt promise I wonāt drink, I will keep trying each day now Iāve committed but I always do this and restart. Now I have AA I want to make it to 1 year
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Checking in on day 12
Tonight I had a company dinner / BBQ. The food was excellent, the sparkling water too! 
Another booze free day on the books! 
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Yay lovely to see a restarter / newcomer here. Letās enjoy the weekend sober .)
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Congratulations on 2 years!!! Amazing 
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Oh snap! Happy 2 years, Flo! Sorry if it was kinda rubbish. You rock though. 
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Wow 2 years is crazy amazing!!! Congrats
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Sorry itās late, but congratulations on 2 years AF!!!
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Had a great day. Taught a few classes but had to take it easy as Iām recovering from a minor procedure. Was out in the garden. The smell of water on hot pavement made me think about a cold drink. I have to teach another class and I was already planning in my mind that as soon I finished I could have just oneā¦ Maybe two. Stop-check in here-read what I wrote this morning!!! Itās so messed up. I will not listen to that alcoholic voice in my brain. I will look forward to a shower, a nice chicken salad, maybe some oatmilk ice cream for dessert, and a relaxing sober evening!
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Good girl! 
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Love your determination 
U can do this! Post as many times as u need and want to, to get thru this evening
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400 days today! Iām on vacation on Vancouver island and just so happy that I am no where where I was mentally, spiritually or physically 400 days ago. Itās amazing that before I quit drinking I couldnāt fathom a week or a few days without alcoholā¦ 400 days. I still wake up grateful every morning and go to sleep grateful every night. Iām so grateful to all of you, this community is amazing 
Also, sober vacations are so much better than feeling shitty, rushed and annoyed bc Iām hungover 
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Thank you! I finished my class, went to hop on the shower, hubby wanted to talk to me about somethingā¦ He smells of beer. Has his happy go lucky voice onā¦ Makes it hard, but I walked away politely and said I really needed to get in the showerā¦ So here I go. Then Iām gonna eat a healthy dinnerā:+1:
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Evening Check in
Day 178
I really didnāt want to check in. Iām sooo exhausted that itās taking me alot of energy to do this.
My day has been physically hard 
Its sooo frustrating for me when all I wanna do is sleep. Idk if itās the heat, my night meds, or something else going on that Iām not aware of, but Iām beyond tired. All I could do today was take care of my boy, give him a bath, and then forced myself to do laundry and dishes. I had plans to go outside but never did. I canāt live like this. I need meds for my mental health but at the same time I need meds that donāt have these side effects. I struggle to workout, eat right, I struggle to take care of things that I need to. I donāt have energy to open up a book for my daily readings. Nothing. Like I do what I have to do for my son bcuz he relies on me. But anything else? I have to force myself. I hope tmrw is better
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@Butterflymoonwoman Sorry youāve had a rough day, but youāre doing so well. Tomorrow will be better! 
Nighttime check-in
Technically, this is my day 3 since the counter rolled over 2 hours ago, but whoās counting.
Things improved a little bit since I was able to get my meds refilled thanks to my Valeo worker. (Iāve been out of Buspar for nearly a week) We then went to find out whatās going on with this job I supposedly got hired at.
Around here, itās common for a place with high turnover rate to make you work through a temp agency for 60-90 days to make sure youāre gonna stay. Well, I got hired at the job, filled out tax paperwork at the temp agency, and waited for them to call me in for orientation. Well, they werenāt talking to each other regarding my employment so no one ever called me in, and some of my paperwork turned up missing.
Anyway, make myself a cheeseburger when I got home and took a nap. So Iāll probably be awake all night. Then I saw something on the internet that just really ticked me off. I wonāt bother you with details, but it completely ruined my serenity. I just really need to stop reading stuff. I was trying to get back to where I was last night, in terms of peace and calm.
Overall, today has been a mixed bag. But I made it through sober.
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Tonight will be day 163 of no self harm TW for mentions of eating disorder and suicide
Not doing great. Iāve been eating (I had fallen behind these last few days) but today I installed a calorie counter app which is a million steps in the wrong direction. I have yet to log anything in it, but Iāve already set a 1000 calorie limit. Which isnāt necessarily unhealthy if youāre trying to lose weight but I know it will keep dropping. I canāt bring myself to uninstall it but Iām trying not to use it.
Today is one of my best friends birthday who killed himself in 2017. I had forgotten about it until I saw it on Facebook (and I rarely use Facebook so i probably never wouldāve remembered). Just mad at myself.
In about 2 or 3 weeks my work schedule starts outside of my training. And I work Saturdays. I donāt like the rest of my family but my grandpa is my world and I wonāt get to see him. I rely on my parents to drive me places and they wonāt go out of their way. Itās currently unsafe for me to drive because I dissociate to the point I donāt remember driving at all. I also get very sleepy immediately because of the dissociation. A few years ago I zoned out and actually completely missed a turn and was driving into a field. My dissociating hasnāt improved so I havenāt tried in a few years.
Something positive: one of my friends told me something that really made me feel good today. I was mentioning how I was mad at myself and they said āyou deserve the grace you give to everyone elseā something about that just really touched me. It was really something I needed to hear
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Day 299 AF
Staying busy with work and the fam.
Yall have a great day!
Stay safe and take care.
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Day 159
Sometimes when titling check ins like that i imagine myself journaling while trapped in a prison, or lost at sea, or in a wilderness somewhere.
I listened to a podcast about tidying, Clutterbug, and something in how this woman talked about it just made Sense to me. For the last 2 days, Ive made myself tidy randomly for only 15 minutes before i do whatever it is i do to wind down for the night. Which feels sensible and accessible, possible for me to do.
I just did it and my floor is cleared and vacuumed. i cant stop smiling. I want to cry. I cant let myself down on these new habits in this place.
Whatever happens next I will be sober and i will be developing clean habits. Smoking that much weed for that long feels like a nightmare. What the fuck was wrong with me. Ill ask myself that forever. At least its better than continuing to get high.
Goodnight šŖ“
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