Day 1748. I don’t do many check-ins because I rarely have anything to report. I read this thread, and most others, and often times it can feel like a lot of people are struggling. It’s great that everyone has a place to check in with that because we all need it. However, to me, sometimes I hesitate to check in because I don’t want to take away someone’s space because I’m not struggling.
However, maybe there’s someone who feels like I do and I want them to know that it’s okay to not struggle. It’s okay to reap the benefits of what you have sown in sobriety.
So here goes my check-in:
Family - my coparenting with my ex is at a really good place. My kids are thriving and everyone is happy.
Work - I am excelling in my job. I enjoy it for the most part and put forward good work product. My new boss is beyond excellent and we make a great team.
Relationships - I maintain a level of social interaction with my friend group that I am comfortable with. I feel fulfilled. I am also dating someone new. It’s fairly early on but we have great communication and are both in stable healthy places in our lives. We don’t need to be in a relationship but are choosing to do so.
Self - I have set healthy boundaries and maintain a great work life balance. All my needs are being met and I have balance across all areas. I sleep, exercise, play, get self care and maintain a healthy diet in appropriate amounts. There is not one area in my life That I feel is lacking.
This is not a direct result of sobriety. This is a direct result of the work I put into maintaining my sobriety. Putting down the drink and drugs allowed me to get to a place where I can dedicate time to improvement and balance. I do not feel guilty or ashamed of the fact that things are going well. Working the steps, going to therapy, and actually following the suggestions from both has been life changing.
Day 136
It’s been a few days (5, I think) and my last post was a cumulative peak of frustration. Things moved forward though, I persisted anyways.
Took care of the things that I was making into obstacles, started working out again today (high intensity 30 min run, yay), and did my journaling, workbook and reorganized some schedule issues, plus filled in my planner. I’m doing alright here.
I’m not ever going to be “there” but I’m back to enjoying the hike.
I’m worth it, and I can keep learning.
One thing I realized today was my interactions with my immediate family are still lacking some tact and breathing, or patience rather, on my part.
I made an error of reacting to a kind invitation instead of just breathing, thinking, and saying ‘thank you so much, but not today.’
I said sorry later, but it still feels like a poor choice and I’m going to be mindful going forward.
I’m so goddamn sick of everything. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. My mom is grumpy with me. I need to go clothes shopping for interview clothes and she told me she was tired today. So I told her we could go tomorrow like 5 times and she said I wanted to go today so we’d go today and now she’s mad that I agreed we could go. And now I have to get dressed and go shopping with no fucking food in my system because my brain refuses to let me eat pizza because it had a little bit more sauce than I like and pizza is the only thing I can think of eating right now without gagging. Clothes shopping always ends in a mental breakdown because I hate the way I look and now I get to go with my angry mother. But if I don’t go I don’t know when I’ll be able to go next. I feel like a little kid. So fuckin helpless and can’t do anything for myself. And I’m trying to ask my parents for advice about new jobs. I’m waiting to hear back about a daycare job but I got an offer at Walmart but the daycare is better in ever way. But everytime I ask about advice they’re not listening. I will ask a question like “what should I tell Walmart?” And I get a “mhm” they don’t give a shit. Never have never will
I love this post! I truly feel like its just as important to talk about what recovery can give us if we work at staying clean and sober. I love reading about other peoples success bcuz it continues to give me hope for what can potentially be something I can also obtain. I’m glad u checked in and posted!
Depends on the person. It definitely got better little by little, and out of the blue cravings can come at any time, even now, but after a few months there was significant improvement for me.
Day 9 is amazing, but it just takes time. All the sudden you’ll be realizing you didn’t think about it today…ODAT. It does get easier. I don’t know if it ever goes away completely because I haven’t gone long enough, but I know there were many days strung together that I didn’t think about it at all after the first month… Then events or party’s would come up and that would be a trigger.
Day 164 again. (This is a rambling vent to get it out of my system to try and sleep.)
It is 820pm and i have just managed to eat and shower. I saved the broccoli and will have very good leftovers. I roasted 3 heads of broccoli with a bulb of garlic cloves, sesame and olive oil, salt and pepper. I cooked tempeh in the oils, soy sauce, tumeric, and water. Rice turned out a little hard but good overall. The pans and dishes are in the dishwasher.
Im tired of being this consistently tired. Tired and sleep barely helps. I woke up and was awake til like 130 and then was just…physically exhausted again. My cat wants to play so much. And i am just…tired. This may increase as I hit the 6 month milestone in early september. Or as I continue to try.
Idk. Im about to set the timer again. A little break to write this after i entirely cleaned the kitchen after cooking. But its clean. I even took the trash out. Im scared im a fraud or will burn out. 29 and a very bad sense of discipline. Sad.
Im afraid my roommates will grow to hate me. I am awkward and weird and generally uncomfortable around people. I dont want to give them a messiness reason to hate me. I will do my part and be scarce!
I did my 15 minutes. It was more like 25. I kind of want to keep going but also want to paint. Going through every bad memory. Why is it this hard for me to be around others.
The why will kill me. I need to get out of my head and stay busy with things that will help me improve over time. One day at a time is comforting bc its all i can do.
Im with my cat. She is amazing. Therapy friday. Day off friday. Im too tired to even paint for fun.
Grateful this space exists and to be sober. Im grateful youre also on this app. Grateful for the support ive received. Goodnight.
Ever make a mistake when learning? Who hasnt? So why have i been beating myself up all day? Its gotta be a character defect. Its not a big deal in retrospect. Fear? Perfection? Shame?
I chose to hand it over to my higher power and rest well tonight. Tomorrow is a new day.
Evening Check in Day 183.
Its so very apparent that I do not know how to create balance in my life. I do try tho. For whatever reason, my 1st day completely alone (when my son was at school), was filled with laundry, a 1.5 hour workout, and a very thorough deep cleaning (baseboards, mirrors, cupboards, sweeping & mopping, even hand washing the floor on my hands and knees for a deeper clean, dishes, the entire bathroom, phone calls etc and now hubbys work laundry). I was soooo beyond exhausted that I was extremely irritable once hubby got home. Thankfully I did not snap at him and forced myself to be polite and happy and kind. It went against how I wanted to act but hubby didn’t do anything. How I am right now is bcuz of me. So I wasn’t rude to him. Decided to deep breathe on my way to switch the clothes over. Haha people must’ve thot I was strange. Anyway… I got my boy to bed. I am grateful for this time for myself of course now that he’s in school but I can’t find that nice balance. Either I’m doing nothing at all or doing too much. I don’t know to moderate my activities lol oh my… let’s try this again tomorrow haha trial and error I will find what works for me.
Evening Check in