I get this; it’s always interesting watching people start with the deflection jokes, then if the conversation lingers it either goes to them uncomfortably saying, of their own accord, “yeah, i need to really start cutting back, I’ve just been [insert excuse]” or “i don’t know how you do it (as I’ve just explained how, lol), i couldn’t.” This is of course despite me not having applied any pressure on their actions.
People are interesting
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The comment “the hangover is never as much FUN as the night before!!!” really hit me today. Thats normie talk. I NEVER drink for fun. To get good and fucked up, yea, hell, I’d get good and pissed off about something for no good reason, just for good measure, just to make sure NO ONE around me was having a good time, so no, never for fun. I actually followed up with that fact, “I didnt ever drink for fun, I’m like Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde, I turn into an asshole.”
The ability to drink, have fun, and not make an ass of yourself… ah to be a normie, that must be nice, lol 
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1027 days without gaming
19 days without TV and streaming services
0 days without video platforms
0 days without podcasts
I was stressed, so I went for “fuck it” mode. Watched YouTube, but no shorts, so I didn’t completely ruin my dopamine system.
I really need other ways to cope. But for that I also need to allow myself to take a break from the stress.
Tomorrow is my driving test. Not very positive about it. Haven’t driven in a month. My usual instructor is sick. So I’ll drive in a car I’m not used to with a guy I’m not used to. And then my exam will be with another guy I’m not used to. So I’m stressed. I didn’t have faith in my driving a month ago. And I don’t think I’ll have magically improved somehow. But I’m preparing myself well. I know my common mistakes. So I’ll have to pay close attention to them.
So yeah, very confident…
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It means both in my head. 
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You’re so nice Dana, thank you it was amazing! 
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I love what both of you have said! I was one of those that would be quick to point out I only had 10 days or whatever. Now hitting 80 days today, I can already see your point. Do I have struggle days? HELL. YES. But it’s nothing compared to that first month for me.
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Day 198
Fatigue and exhaustion. Went shopping for groceries. Started watching Lost for the first time. Not drinking tonight or doing anything else.
Edit: did set the timer for 15 min. Dishes and litter box got done.
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Day 80 AF
Today was a good, normal day. A little work, had my first mammogram appointment, and dinner with my family to celebrate my nephew’s birthday. Nothing that seems out ordinary. But it was a damn good day!
Sitting outside listening to night and can’t help but be so thankful for being sober. And for being able to finally enjoy a life again.
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Congrats on your 80 days and
enjoying the night AF 
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Evening Check In
Day 217
Day was actually okay! My son got his glasses today. He loves them and just looks so smart and handsome in them 
I was able to also take care of a few other errands today. Had a good supper tonight and am just about to put my boy to bed as he has school tmrw.
Recovery wise… I am good. No issues there. No urges or cravings. Now that I think about it tho… I didnt pray to my HP or do any of my recovery routine. I got so busy with my son today that it slipped my mind. I will pray tonight for sure.
Health wise… I didnt work out. I was supposed to get up at 530am so that I could work out before my sons nurse left this morning at 7am. I was sooo tired i decided to sleep. I DID however eat under my daily calories, so thats a plus.
Not much else to say I guess. Have a goodnight TS fam!!
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1200
Coffee. Getting ready for an early shift. I’m OK. I’m sober and clean. That’s still the basis for everything else. All things that improved since I quit boozing and drugging. I’m still the same me but my life has changed. One day at a time and working my recovery every day of those.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love from Amsterdam.
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I don’t even know where to begin but I will start with thank you . Your words do help and I’m trying to hear you that I need to let some of these feelings go and that if I stay strong I will be back to feeling better when that time is ready . I’m severely struggling . I’m holding onto guilt and bad memories. The past eats me alive and blocks the future . But I’m only so hard on myself because of this recent relapse. I wish I didn’t care so much . I wish my heart didn’t always hurt . I want to be back to where I was but this time I want to face the things that have blocked me from the real change. I have no where left to run. I have to learn how to really love myself so I can stay sober . I’m going to save what you sent me and try to read it when I’m feeling down. Thank you for taking your time to write this
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So strung out tonight. Worked 8+ hrs, then cranked out a paper and workout tonight for over 8hrs. Drank coffee then an energy drink and im very uncomfortable now. Just trying to walk myself back mentally. I didnt go buy smokes (which i still want to tbh). Funny how something can be so close to happening but so far… like i know im not going to smoke tonight. While other times we could feel so strong in our sobriety and be dangerously close to relapsing. Idk. Either way dont take anything for granted and dont dance to close to the devil cause that dance could last forever.
Take care and be safe other there. #MuchLove
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Relaxation is what makes it work. Try some breathing techniques right beforehand or whatever suits you. And just follow the rules you learned. You can do this. And even if you should fail, there’s always a new day and a new chance. This one is for today. Success Jan.
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It’s such a huge step to be able to recognize that about yourself and be honest about it
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Day 364 checking in
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Day 19
I had a hard day today. Feeling sad and emotionally drained. I had a difficult day with my daughter. I feel like I did everything wrong and I wrote all about it so if you have time to read it I guess I’m really just looking for reassurance that I did okay.
As a parent I feel it’s sometimes difficult to know if you should be a little softer, or a little more firm.
I’m suffering from some major hip pain and still have to instruct my classes. My daughter was off school today, and in the middle of me trying to prepare one of my classes she came in worrying about something. Normally I’m very validating but I really needed to do what I was doing and I kind of brushed her off and told her she needed to stop worrying about it and just get her work done. She often gets distracted and worries about things and then upset with herself for wasting her time worrying when she could have been getting work done. I can relate because I am often the same way and I know it’s not helpful when people tell me not to worry. At the same time I think there’s a point where you can over talk about things and you do have to learn how to just put some things aside and move on. I kind of feel like I should have just stopped and listened… Anyway it wasn’t a big deal and the day went on. She was supposed to go to gymnastics but she didn’t really feel like going, to to be honest I didn’t want to drive for 45 minutes and wait around downtown for 3 hours with my hip pain, but we had already decided early in the day that she was going to go because she already missed last week. Then she couldn’t decide what to wear right at the last minute when we had to leave. She’s 16 years old she had all day to organize herself but she was in tears because she couldn’t find something to wear and I told her I’m a really firm voice " just pick something ! we are going NOW." There’s certain times if we don’t leave while we get stuck in traffic… So we were a bit later than I wanted and then we got stuck in traffic. I tried to stay calm I talked to her a little bit about why I was frustrated with her not being ready but that I wasn’t mad at her I was just frustrated with the situation and then she started studying some more work in the car. Then we get to gymnastics and this is only her second class back after a long time and she feels uncomfortable because there’s a lot of younger kids and she’s the oldest in the class. When she went to join her class, one of the instructors said something to her and she came back in tears saying that they thought she was there to coach the little kids and she feels dumb being the oldest in the class. She was crying in the bathroom and then said she couldn’t do it and I tried to encourage her in a nice way but she said she was really sorry she just couldn’t do the class she was feeling really upset. I told her I was very disappointed -not in her, but in the fact that we drove all the way out there. She said she knew that but she just couldn’t do it. We went to the car and talked a little bit more and then I got frustrated and yelled “just go and do the class!” But she said mom I really can’t so I took a deep breath and another deep breath and I said I’m sorry that you had a hard day, what is it that we could do now that would make you feel better? Anyways we ended up going grabbing something to eat and just heading home we talked a bit in the car ride but I feel like I handled everything wrong. She’s okay and I honestly think she’s moved on but I can’t help but think I could have done better as mother. It’s hard to see our kids so sad.
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Good luck Jan, you only get a driving test if they think you can pass it. So I think you are better then you think. Give it your all and who knows you surprise yourself! 
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Almost 1 whole year! 
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#Day 1462 
Nothing special. Feeling good despide I still cannot do my nature walks because of an injury.
Today? Getting some groceries, work and in the evening a friend comes to have dinner and chat.
Haven’t seen her for a while. Today is her second day of quitting cigarettes. She smokes for ages but wants out of that funk. She joined a support group and set a date.
I’m curious about how she is doing and how grumpy she will be
Have a good day all
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