Day 102❤️
Quiet day. Slept for most of it. Need to shower and eat. I’m so crap at looking after myself 
Got physio tomorrow. Haven’t been for ages due to mental health. Feeling like I’ll be in trouble can’t manage everything and it makes me feel abnormal. But still sober, that’s great 
Keep on keeping on x
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One of them days where I just want to be nurtured, taken care of, loved, cooked for, hugged without asking, thought of. Always the nurturer never the nurtured?
Men don’t want me unless it’s sex first, get to know you later…maybe!
Parents don’t know me…
Everyone’s busy surviving this 2 work house hold, rushing, busy, burnt out.
172 days AF
Have a great day
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Day 172
Almost 6 months, never could’ve imagined the ride I’d take myself on as of April 1st.
Life is going pretty good.
I do have eating disorder and self-control regulation issues I’m going back and forth with, trying to be patient but conscientious, and not use it as an excuse not to make healthy food and habit choices in other aspects. Actively working on it with my nutritionist and therapist though, so not just white knuckling alone any more. Airing this out is gonna take a while but feels cathartic.
Therapy has been fantastic lately and I’m breaking through and putting labels and identities to old baggage and giving myself the time, effort and honesty to do the work and make concrete mindful coping plans.
Still finding the sweet spot with my meds.
Food and my self-views on it and myself intertwined are transitioning slowly and getting first focus right now. I’m never going to be done with it as another addiction journey but i can get to a safe, comfortable, sustainable place with the same processes listed above.
Sort of just real busy, but not bad busy. I’m thinking as i write this, I’ve been working a lot but not putting my needs first again. I’m glad to come here and process my thoughts always. Thanks for having me here and the immense support and community. I know i haven’t been nearly as engaged as i have prior, but I’m still reading and popping in when i can.
Have a good week everyone.
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Day 339 AF
What’s up, fam.
Staying busy with work and the kids. Nothing new.
Have a great day everyone!
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I’m really digging down deep to find things I’m grateful for today… Because I have so many and yet I still feel so down.
I’m pretty sure I have a labral tear in my hip I have an MRI October 4th. This is so debilitating at the moment I cannot walk without limping my leg is giving out on me every now and then making it nearly impossible to teach my classes. It’s affecting my mental health because I also walk my dog everyday and getting out in nature makes me feel good and my poor dog is not getting the exercise he needs which adds to feelings of guilt I know I need to let go of.
I’m trying not to worry too much about worst case scenarios but I don’t know what I’ll do for money if I can’t teach my classes and instruct my clients properly.
When things like this happen it does make you grateful for everything else you have and puts things in perspective that we often take for granted, such as just a simple walk. It’s amazing what our bodies can do and it reaffirms the fact that we should take care of them the best we can and be thankful for how they support us.
It was a good teaching moment as my daughter is being very critical of her body at this time and I’m just reminding her that we should focus on what our bodies can do not what they look like.
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Congratulations Pauli. 2 fucken years 
Omg!! Hug congratulations to you Mate 
You come a long way my friend.
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Congratulations on your 60 days Julia.
It’s not forever, it’s just for today.
And probably tomorrow
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Checking in sober and hangover free. Going through the motions, back to work tonight. I’m thinking it’s really time to make a job change within the next 6 months as I’m really not happy there anymore. Life is too short. ODAAT 
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I’ll be officially 4 years sober today, in about 6 hours from now.
I tested positive for COVID this morning and I feel like poo at the moment, so no celebration. But hey, 4 years. I got that going for me. 
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Wow 4 years is epic!! Congratulations and hope you feel better soon
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Ur entire day sounds so overwhelming i feel the frustration and the overwhelm in ur post. Honestly my friend, u have sooo much on ur plate. Having to work with ur sore hip was probably the icing on the cake U are such a good mom. I have read about how much you care about being a parent and wanting the best for ur kids and I think it was just one of those days Especially being in early recovery when emotions are heightened and level of patience is soo low (at least it was for me), it can be really really hard to keep our cool with people. I think whats really important that u did was opened up communication with ur daughter, apologized, and tried to make amends. I have been impatient with people, including my son at times, where i have probably reacted a little too short. More so than the situation needed me to be. But like you, i apologized and spoke about what happened. Then i planned ways on how to prevent myself from acting like that again. For example, I may step away into another room for a few min to breath and collect myself or I ask for a hug (honestly giving someone a hug when im tense makes the world of difference and eases my tension). But I usually deep breathe and come back to the situation before i say something in a way i dont like. But honestly miranda, i think ur doing well. I know u may feel awful about what happened today, but you are human and u worked thru it and mended the sitauation. I am sure ur daughter realizes how hard ur trying.
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Wow!!! Congratulations!!! What a huge accomplishment!
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Yay!! And also boooooo! I hope you recover quickly and are able to properly celebrate your success!!
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Checking in. 33 days.
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Congratulations 
. Sorry about feeling so rough. Hope you feel better asap.
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That’s amazing man (the 4 years part, not the covid part lol) congratulations!! You’re a role model for all of us
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Thank you! Congrats on your three years, its coming soon, yeah?
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Congratulations Dan on 4 whole years!!!
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Day 199 again
Work was fine. Emptied litter box and did dishes. Nothing else. Going to wait for 1 year sober before i make any drastic decision. But idk. Confident im never drinking again.
I feel i need to read a novel but not sure what. The stories in “the best american short stories 2021” are mixed. One made me cry and feel seen, one felt like an egregious waste of the readers time, a lot of in between. Maybe ill find a way to spend some hours in a bookstore or library or something. I have a very specific type of book im looking for. Maybe what I need is a collection of short stories by the same author.
I want to cry for 1000 years. I want to sleep forever.
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I am soooo far behind! It’ll take a minute to catch up, but for now shout-outs to @Juli1 for 60 days, @Dolse71 for 2 years, and @HoofHearted for 4 years! Awesome, everybody!
Day 44
Been a rough couple of days. Nothing specifically bad happened, it’s just everything wearing me down slowly but constantly. Especially the employment situation. People have their “now hiring” signs out, but my work history is about as inspiring as you’d expect from a 24-year drinking career.
One good thing happened; I go back in touch with a good friend that I found out was incarcerated. She wrote back to me yesterday, and I was very happy to hear from her. In fact, I probably would’ve tried to drink yesterday without her cheering me up a little.
I’m taking inventory of my feelings lately, and I can feel myself in relapse mode. I’m not cleaning the house, I’m sleeping weird, I stop caring about future plans, etc. All leading up to The Big F**k UP™.
Any way I gotta get up early tomorrow for some medical work. Not expecting anything but it’s always good to have a checkup while I can. Hope everybody has a great sober evening!
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