Just wanted to say not today satan lol thinking of you @SassyBoomer
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I really hope you can rest and recover quickly from covid.
Huge congratulations on 4 years!!!
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Evening Check in
Day 218
Today was really good! Slept well. Went to the gym for a great upper body workout. Mailed off my brothers birthday card. Picked up my sons meds (got a free asthma inhaler from my pahrmacist. That was nice bcuz they are each around $120 and my asthma is not well controlled). Grabbed some groceries. Then attended a team meeting via zoom for 3 hours which I got paid for. Hubby came home late from work and still made us supper. I bought 2 steaks for supper earlier and since idk how to cook them, he willingly offered to make supper after a 10 hour work day. While supper was cooking, my son asked me to play hotwheels with him and i sat on the floor, built a hotwheels track and played cars with him. I really loved being present with him and just having fun. A true gift of recovery! We ate. Im putting my son to bed now. I made sure to thank my husband and show appreciation for him working as hard as he does and THEN making supper. I just thought that was so nice. Our lives would be very, very diff if we were still using. Honestly none of this would have been possible. I feel recovery in my soul. I actually can fully imagine my life without any substances. I dont want them. I dont need them. I love my life today. I never ever want to think that I have control over drugs. I know 100% that i am completely and utterly powerless over drugs. By surrendering to this fact and stopping that fight with drugs (trying to control them), i have found sooo much freedom. Absolutely grateful for my life and grateful for all of u that have helped me get here 
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Congratulations!! woo hoo!! 1 month is a huge milestone!
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No COVID, not sure what I have but I got Steiner antibiotics and Iām doing better
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I realize I have given so much of myself to everyone else for so many yearsā¦ Iām exhausted.
I wonder what makes me happy, other than making other people happy or doing what I think I should. I wonder why I am this way.
I need to take time off work because of my hip. Iām having a really hard time accepting this because I feel so badly for everyone else who is affected by not having a class. I feel like Iāve failed somehow, or Iām weak somehow. Thereās nothing I could have done to prevent this hip issue. I was born with a cam deformity and overuse + impingement =injury.
I need rest to heel. Iām still struggling with this but Iām tryingā¦
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Tonight will be day 203 of no self harm
Iām feeling a little better physically. I got put on some stronger antibiotics and a steroid and that has seemed to do the trick for the most part. Going back to work tomorrow. Been able to swallow my meds today.
So the daycare that I work at has been doing some shady things for a while. Like not paying us for meetings, the director has admitted to slapping a kid, they want me to sign a legal affidavit saying that Iāve done some classes that Iāve never done. Thereās a new daycare place that just opened a couple weeks ago and I applied and I got the job. They seem much more put together and much more professional. I put in my two weeks notice today my last day at this current position will be October 4th. By the way I have reported all of those things Iām not letting that slide
Iām still in a slump mentally. I think itās just because I wasnāt able to take my meds for almost a week. Iām also just exhausted since Iāve been sick for about 2 weeks. Nights have just been extremely bad. Just that awful dread. Feels like thereās nothing I can do about it a lot of the time. Iām just going to have to push through. Itās probably a mix of my body processing something that Iām not fully remembering, and Halloween coming up since that always brings up bad memories. I always get in a bit of a rut this time of year. It gets much worse once Thanksgiving is around the corner and all the holidays start. Just have to push through like I always do
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I can feel this still, I can go back to when I relapsed and feel all those emotions like I am sitting in them today. I am very grateful for that because thats one major reason I stay clean. The vicious cycle of self hatred, and self abuse that I ended up getting myself into lasted 12 years. A 12 year relapse after 18 months of abstinence. You notice I didnt say 18 months of recoveryā¦ I had zero months of recovery I had 18 months of white knuckling and bullshitting my way through, thats why I relapsed.
Its funny because this is the second time I have posted about self obsession today but that is exactly what happens. I got so caught up in myself and my relapse that I couldnt see past all the shitty things that I thought I was, thats why my relapse lasted 12 long painful years. I continued to obsess about how I deserved all the shit that life was dealing me and if life was too good then I made sure I treated myself real bad because the level of self resentment and loathing I had was out of this world.
I thought I was a piece of shit but I gave myself the attention of a rockstar. It was only when I learned to turn my attention away from myself and to actually recognize my thoughts and behavior for what it was that I was able to first be indifferent with myself, then accept myself, then like myself and then slowly I began to love myself. You see when we love ourselves its not from this egocentered place we have been living from for so long, its from the spiritual place that our addictions have robbed from us. It takes time for us to build our spirits back up and eventually everything starts to fall into place.
Just keep your eyes on the horizon Trevor, dont look back. 
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Iām so proud of you too, thank you
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1201
Coffee. Another work day ahead. Yesterday was tough, a situation from last week, and another one yesterday triggering my past. Today will be better. I can do this because Iām sober and clean. One day at a time.
Working on stuff thatās been buried in my head and body for decades. At some point it has to come out and be processed or it would destroy me. It nearly did and still itās so hard to deal with. But it wonāt. I can do this. Sober and clean.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Itās why weāre here. Love from my commute yesterday afternoon.
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Checking in w 942 days clean. I am almost to 2 years and 7 months. Also, I have a lot on my plate. I had a lot going on the last week. I need some support. I feel like I am in a long storm ā¦ again . I have so much on my mind. I need help. I had let go of my sponsor tonightā¦ I had been thinking of asking a new one to be my sponsor but I heard her say something that was just not for meā¦ I didnāt feel like I could be her sponsee if she felt a certain way about my HPā¦ I am going to try to find a Celebrate Recovery meetingā¦ I feel bad but I need a Christian sponsor. I have all I need at the moment. I had been working on my step 4 but I had to put it to the side. I have some spiritual stuff going on but I know God is bigger. I am a lot smallerā¦ I have lost a lot of weight in a healthy way. I am a waitress now so I make a lot of extra cash but my job is overwhelming and demanding and so I got directed to work as a teacher , teacher assistant with kids. I had the interview today and it went so wellā¦ I hope I get the job. I do love my job now but I need a new change of scenery. I am soooo happy with my boyfriend. I love himā¦ also, he will be released very soon. I am excited about itā¦ I just gotta keep it one day at a time tho. I have some other things going on but I trust in Jesus. I love Himā¦ 
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I missed your 200 days 
huge massive congratulations im super proud to see 203 days today !!
Yes that daycare 
seems like your best not to sign anything especially without taking it home to read. Its great you have noticed and already have plans if this falls through.
Im so proud of how far you have come, and the way your handling everything and just jumping over each hurdle is so amazing to see, to see you grow i feel happy to be able to witness this.
I wish you well, and im glad you can now swallow your antibiotics, they are what will get you well so you have to try to get them down no matter what xx
Edit: signing something to say you had training if you didnt is not good, incase something happens your not covered as it will look like you had training and didnt practice what you were trained. Dont sign anything without knowing what it is xx
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Checking in day 356
Lazy few days need to get up and go for an eary morning swim i think.
@Miranda wishing you quick healing on your hip.
Take the time to get better properly, stip worrying about everything else, concentrate on you for once x
@HoofHearted 4 years is amazing, huuuge congratulations 
wishing you well too.
@Juli1 congratulations on your 60 days, your doing brilliant
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Thank you so much Eric!
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Thank you Twizzle!
Itās a real journey for me. 
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Day 365 checking in 
1 whole year feeling blessed itās not been easy but it is worth it hope everyone is well think I will have some cake tonight to celebrate 
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Congratulations for @Juli1 for the 
days, @HoofHearted for the 
years, @Mno for
the 
days (well 1201 by now) 
@Minatasha and @BLOODSHOTJOKER you both have almost days! 
And @nikki666 well done for your month sober milestone!! 
#Day 1463 
Did a walk yesterday!! A short walk of 5 kilometers but it went! Had almost no pain in my hip. It was so good to be out in nature again and with good compagny to talk with.
Today? Work. And because the new stock arrives I have to work physical hard so no walk today besides walking to work 
And yes @Planipennia this time I am happy to share a nature picture from the yesterday walk. Hope there will be many more to follow, depends on my hip
Have a good wednesday all of you!
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Congratulations! 
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Almost missed this: your year milestone!
So happy for you!!
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I have woken up at 7:30am properly after unsettled sleep, luckily as my dream was just turning into the dreaded trauma im going through nightmare! But i feel dizzy and weird since waking up ?
Anyway im usually up at 4-5am so what woke me up was the 3 cats trying to make there own breakfast 
they had tried to wake me taking it in turns but i wasnt waking up properly and i woke to them dragging the bag of food and the box of wet pouches over to there bowls and thats made my day, so im thinking to get up and go for a swim just do it as if i think about it for too long it wont happen.
Good morning, good evening or afternoon which ever applies to you 
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