Checking in daily to maintain focus #47

Im glad you came back straight away :hugs::hugs:

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Day 189.

I soaked these pinto beans for 8+ hours, then simmered them until 2am until the onions all dissolved into the sauce. They still need to be a little softer for me! ill put them back on the stove tomorrow. But i ate some today anyway and the flavor was very good. Next time they are soaking overnight, or im using canned beans.

Worked on some painting, some writing. Need to deposit a check and go drive to my moms. Ill take the dog on a nice walk and bring some things out to my car.

Tomorrow, oh it would be awesome if i could clean out my car interior. Then can do exterior Monday after work. That is my goal.

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1018 days without gaming
18 days without YouTube
10 days without TV and streaming services

I can feel myself slipping. I donā€™t have the energy to hold myself up. Iā€™m not going to be able to take any driving lessons before my exam on the 20th of this month. Iā€™m way behind on school. I had a bad day at work and once again feel like Iā€™m not good enough.
I have a debt I keep forgetting to take care of. Iā€™m disappointed in myself.
Itā€™s just stress, stress, stress. I wanna hide in a hole where I donā€™t have to do anything. Where I have 100% freedom. Both from physical and mental hindrances. Iā€™m just tired.

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Right on broā€¦ Iā€™m sure you need the bike more rnā€¦ get a good lock my friend.

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Spending Day 30 with my teenaged daughter. We just went to the gym and smoothie king!
Iā€™m actually enjoying spending time with her. Sheā€™s my mini me and tag along lol.
My niece just called me and invited me to her 30th birthday party tonight.
Iā€™m such a thinkerā€¦ Iā€™m like 30 daysā€¦, 30th Birthdayā€¦ what does this meanšŸ˜‚
But Iā€™m probably going to miss it cause the last party I went to where people were drinking was boring.
Talk to yā€™all later!

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Hope all are doing well. Keep up your journeyā€¦

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Soā€¦ I forgot to take my medication :sweat_smile: no worries as it will not cause any physical or mental withdrawals since they only last 4 hours. Nor will it mess with my health. But my negative emotions are a tad more extreme :grin:
Yes, Iā€™m stressed, also when I take my meds, but lifeā€™s nowhere near as negative as my head wants to tell me. And yes, Iā€™m slipping, but thatā€™s only because Iā€™m allowing myself time to get a good foundation for school, as in knowing exactly what Iā€™m to do, so that I donā€™t jump in the deep end and lose all motivation. So for now, no worries, Iā€™ll be fine. And if not, I know where to find you guys :grin:

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Day 252 coming to an end and Iā€™m just waiting for my train home from a 30th party night out. Happy Iā€™m becoming more comfortable in these situations, sometimes I donā€™t give myself credit for how far Iā€™ve came. Hope everyone is sober and concentrating on the positives :muscle:

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Distractions generally arenā€™t a long term sobriety plan. Mainly because if you donā€™t have them then you are pretty much defenseless. Programs like IOP, Rehab, AA, SMART Recovery, Refuge/Dharma Recovery, Life Ring, etc provide the defenses youā€™ll need for when distractions are not available.

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Glad youre back, and that you emptied the bottle after 2 glasses. Must have been a really intense night. Youre not alone in doing this and people get better from where you are rn! Wishing u luck

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Day 33
Been a pretty boring Saturday. The weather finally gave us a break. I like overcast days, but itā€™s been drizzling and cold. That sudden drop from the mid 90s (35Ā°C) to high 50s (16Ā°C) makes it feel colder then it really is. Glad I got to see my Peer Support today. Job search has got me down, and Iā€™ve been out of my meds, so itā€™s been kind of a grumpy day. But Iā€™m still sober!!
So Iā€™m going to have cheeseburgers and ice cream and watch a movie. Happy sober Saturday, everyone! :v:

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Oh you know I did lol. I was a little sad to sell the machine, but focusing on sobriety is more important right now

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True datā€¦ there will be machines waiting when youā€™re ready. Iā€™m glad to see you succeeding man

Did you get a phone back yet?

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:first_quarter_moon_with_face: Evening Check in :first_quarter_moon_with_face:
Day 208
Havent been on here too much today. Overall the day was okay. Went and ran some errands. Did some grocery shopping. Bought my dad his birthday gift, which really makes me feel good actually bcuz in the problem i rarely got my mom, dad, or brother a bday gift. It was somwthijg I never had $$ for bcuz i was dping other things with it. Since being clean, i have celebrated every single bday, mailed cards n gifts back home, made phone calls, and have interacted with my family more on a more or less daily basis. It feels good to be giving and doing things selflessly. Anyway, my son is still doing well :slight_smile: So many things to be grateful for todayā€¦ truly. I love recovery. I love being clean and sober!!! Grateful that even during hard times my 1st thot isnt to get high anymore. My 1st thot now is what can I do to work thru this situation, solve the problem and then to reach for support from u all and from God. I never ever thot i woukd have the time i do in recovery AND have that quality as well. Some days the quality of my recovery isnt quite thereā€¦ but I can see that and adjust my routine to bring that quality back into my life. Love u guys so much! Hope ur all having a great day/night!!

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Tonight will be day 193 of no self harm.

I had a dream last night were I almost self harmed. (woke up as I was about to) and now all day itā€™s talking all of my energy not to. I havenā€™t had urges this strong in a very long time and all over a dream. I didnā€™t even go to my grandpaā€™s today so nothing happened. I slept till 2:30 and Iā€™ve been playing video games all day

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:roll_eyes: eye roll lol jk Chris. Honestlyā€¦ tho. I never have thot of u as passive aggressive lol

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Yes I did.

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Day 189

Tidied once again for 15 min. Played with cats. Good night.

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1191
Coffee. Early shift coming up. Iā€™m going to be late because of the Sunday train service. Gave me an extra bit of sleep. I could use that. Feeling fine. Sober and clean.

Have a good Sunday all. Or at least as good as you all can. Make it clean and sober because without that nothing will come of it. Lots of love from my old Lady (who was nagging me for food during the night, Iā€™ll take that as a good sign) and me.

@Jesile Glad youā€™re here now. Keep working your sobriety each and every day. ODAAT.

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Iā€™m glad youā€™re back. Itā€™s takes a lot of effort to keep doing all this homework doesnā€™t it?! But the alternative is to feel awful. You realized that and you know what you need to doā¤ļø thinking of youšŸ’•

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