I’m just feeling awful right now because I got frustrated and I hate losing my cool. We’ve all had a long day( and shopping over two hours in one store for one pair of hiking Boots for my daughter) she needs them for a school trip and they were expensive but we don’t mind as long as she will use them. I went to say goodnight and sit with her for a bit and she was feeling anxious that maybe the boots aren’t the right ones. I told her we would work it out either way, but I was tired and really needed to sleep. She’s kept asking more questions and getting more anxious (she’s overtired too!!!) So I say again calmly, it will all work out-you can try the boots inside and return them if they don’t work and we will find other ones, but I can’t talk about it any more I need to go to bed(she was holding my phone looking things up about the boots so I was trying to reach my hand out to get the phone back and waiting for her to finish up) I was running out of patience and she finally went to give me my phone back and asked me one more question and I said very firmly ‘I need to go to bed and I already said that and I’m not talking about this anymore!’ and then I grabbed my phone and my dog (because he was cuddled up with her on the bed) and it startled him because I picked him up so quickly and I took him out and gently put him down on the floor. I went back in and said firmly again “I feel like it’s really disrespectful when I’ve said 500 million times that I’m really tired and need to go to bed and you keep taking about it!” And then I left and then I felt awful and my dog was hiding under the bed because he was scared (he does get nervous easily and honestly I wasn’t that rough or loud but I just feel awful because I hate upsetting anyone) anyway, I went back in to apologize to my daughter and just explain more calmly that I did feel like she wasn’t listening to that I was telling her and I really just need to go to sleep and I love her very much and we can talk about it again in the morning but that we will definitely make sure it all works out with the boots. She seemed okay but I just feel horrible.
I need to check these out, and which we have here in Spain… AA for sure, if not there are other programs I suppose. Thx
Thanks Miranda, I’m sorry to read you had tense experience with your daughter, no feeling’s more harmful than the feeling of guilt… Tomorrow will be a different day for sure! 
I think I’m unlovable
Everyone is loveable🧡
Today’s daily check in……
Saturday 9-10-22
Had a great day, the heat 
& rain 
finally left here in California. So, I jumped on the road bike 
and got in a muggy 31.5 miles. The humidity was outrageously nuts 
from the mix of the heat & rain . It was just great 
being on the bike . That hanging out of my mouth 
is my food 
on the run, it’s a go-go squeeze apple 
sauce & bananas 
. I pit it in my mouth and i ride.
I am doing a monthly challenge for kids cancer. I challenged to ride 300 miles & raise 200$ this entire month of September. With this heat & rain today was only the 2nd ride this month. I have about 37 miles into that 300 miles. Mother Nature is killing me with her PMS weather changes she is on this year.
Also,
One last thing. 2day is 60 days clean from weed.
A relapse sucks, but if you learn from it it’s not all for nothing. And so you can turn something bad in something a bit better.
Glad you are here! Those well earned sober days are not gone! It’s a bit of recovery wisdom in your backpack!
It’s still yours to carry and use!
Checking in on day one 
Your not in a good state of mind, I’m sorry. Everybody is loveble and so do you. But I do understand if you feel depressed it doesn’t feel like it 
Is there something you can do to feel a bit better?
Thanks Claudia, the silly thing is, it actually crossed my mind to just pretend nothing happened, and keep on checkin in here and keep on counting, but I would have felt miserable lying to all you guys, and overall to myself. So yes, still here and continuing the journey! I know the other days are not lost. 
I understand the thought of it. But if you did you undermine the value of the daycounter as well. Your addiction takes that chance to do it again because you get away with it before.
It will be a downfall.
Glad you didn’t! 
Day 355 checking in
Thanks Menno, I dropped out for a week from checkin in, super busy at work, but that shouldn’t be an excuse, I have to make the effort. (Super mooie foto van Luna btw! 
)
#Day 1453 
Weekend! 
So still chilling in my ugly onesie with cat, coffee and phone. Oh and a cosy blanket.
Today? A walk, a long bath and maybe some reading. Nothing more.
So…chill day today!
Picture of the tea I got from a collegue from work a few days ago. She went to Greece and bought me this
This Greek guy is having a bath himself and I drank his bath water
Have a good sunday all of you, chilling ore not!
165 days here.
I’m feeling pretty exhausted tbh. I’ve had some time off work, forced myself to take some sick days towards the end of the week, weekend has been busy and now I’m gearing up for work again tomorrow.
I think I need a good sleep, a reset. Day off from the gym.
It’s been beautiful weather this weekend, I am very ready to start swimming again, my happy place is the water we went to the sports bar to watch the ufc, which was fun. Everyone was drinking these huge towers of beer, and my husband and I were fine enjoying some snacks and diet cokes. We are really getting settled into our sobriety again 
The rising interest rates here are stressing me tf out, it’s been playing on my mind a lot. We have finally got a grasp on budgeting, moved into another home, set up an investment property, and now the bank is like “we need everyone to spend less money so we are going to make your mortgage repayments so high you have zero money left over”.
Its extremely frustrating, having worked so hard to get here, and just have to keep working our asses off to have less money. We were finally setting money aside to travel, and now we have huge hikes in mortgage repayments, apparently for months to come. I’m grateful we both have jobs, we are able to make the payments. I feel for people that will be hit really hard with these changes.
Anyway that’s my whinge for the day, sorry, lol.
Have a great sober Sunday 
Welcome Back and Congratulations to 5 days of sobriety, mate!
Thank you very much, and thank for supporting the community!
Good luck with your new start!
Hugs. You ARE lovable. You are a worthy and valuable person. 