Day 27. Cravings show up here and there, but nothing unbearable. Finally got some money together for an attorney. Things are moving in the right direction. Gotta stand in front of a judge in 30 days regarding custody stuff. This is a big motivator for me to stay sober. Have a great evening friends.
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@Miranda I really understand. I also get āyouāre too sensitiveā and the implication I should ātoughen upā, but itās never āheās too obtuseā and he should watch what he says a bit more. Feel free to vent if it helps.
@icebear Nice job!
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Wow just WOW. Just got off a call from my sponsor where she was yelling at me and telling me im not doing what shes asked of me and i need to take this seriously. All because i told her im doing a zoom meeting tonight instead of an in person with her. According to her i shouldnt be bothered if someone else relapses and im working the program. Like bitch i thought you were supposed to be there for me. 3 meetings yesterday isnt taking my program seriously? I was just trying to make plans with you to go thru my 4th and 5th step and youre telling me you dont have time in the next few weeks. 
crying and wanting a sponsor i can relate to
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Thank you so very much @Twizzlers you are such an inspiration to me and all of us as well. You are so freaking kind and wonderful to everyone itās absolutely amazing to know you. Thank you for being you 
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Thanks for the quick response @Piglet86 i guess im on the market for a new sponsor. Always felt like i was bothering her, limited time for me, taking her stressors out on me. I get sponsors are human. Im not going to drink about it. I will pray to my higher powers
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My sponsor is my temporary sponsor and she flatout told me if at anytime i met someone that i felt would be a better fit just let her know because this was about staying sober and we all have to do what is best for our own sobriety.
I hope that if you dont feel its working out, that you are able to ask someone else really soon. It happens, i e had a few over the decades, never a bad parting id say, more just one of us moving on. I still talk to all but 1.
The right fit will be out there
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Honestlyā¦ i fewl like you do take this seriously. I have never wondered that u didnt. And i honestly dont feel like she needed to scold you for attending an online mtg vs an in person one. Why does it have to be that specific way? I went thru numerous sponsors over the years. Some didnt click well with me and some struggled themselves even tho they had a year clean and had gone thru the steps once before. There are many women out there that im sure you will find a good connection with 
im just so sorry u had to go thru that. The best sponsor i had, i actually met her at a big book study. We studied that big book like it was a textbook. She was a known as a big book thumper amd she lived the program. Do u have any Big Book studies there? Maybe to find someone working a good program?
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That sounds very harsh. I always do online meetings, it isnāt one size fits all. The sponsor sponsee relationship needs give and take. And yes, sponsors can and are changed sometimes.
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Iām trying to figure it out but I just feel really embarrassed to be asking to adjust my schedule after not even being there a month yet
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Will be day 196 of no self harm
Still loving my job at work is just a very stressful. I was previously a teaching assistant and I was helping another teacher. Now this room is mine and I am running everything. I have somebody there helping me but she doesnāt really do much. In fact today a kid was about to bite another kid and she actually smacked them on the hand. I reported that to my boss because thatās not at all okay. My boss said oh no I wouldnāt want to want her to get in trouble for that. How about you donāt want her to hit kids?
Iāve been having to wake up at 6:00 so Iām very tired. But Iām also getting off at work at about 3:00 or 3:30 which means I actually have time to relax at the end of the day which is helpful.
I was sick and Iāve only been better for like the last 2 days and I could feel myself getting sick again. Iād hate to ask for any more time off though so Iām just going to work through it as long as Iām able.
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Oh no. That sounds terrible. Iām sorry that youāre not clicking at all with the person that supposed to help you. Iāve never had a sponsor but Iāve had therapists and one that rubs you the wrong way can really make stuff worse. Is there a way to ask for someone new?
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Evening Check in
Day 211
Today has been pretty busy. Found myself getting overwhelmed and stressed. It just took alot of energy to get things done today. Waking up at 530am probably didnt help. In fact, im pretty sure thats why i was sooo tired all day.
Recovery wise im good!!
Eating was extremely hard today. Realized that being tired also triggers me to want to eat (I guess to gain energy??). I planned my meals in the morning. Ate well but had to keep adjusting my meal plans to accomodate all these āextraā unplanned snacks. But they were healthy foods and i made everything work at the end of the day. It was hard thoā¦ my brain exhausts me (grrr).
Anyway, hope u all have a good evening! Hugs TS fam!
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My mind is screaming every excuse to not do 15 minutes rn. I have more than 15min worth of cleaning in my room! Im having a low grade fit of anxiety. Im tired. I already did the dishes and put away the things upstairs so its fine. The upstairs is very clean so its ok if this is a pit. And on and on.
Its ok to move slowly! The only thing i need to make myself do, is set a timer. Go into the timer appā¦yup.
ā¦
And in real time, i did it. 15 minutes got my laundry basket emptied, the litter box done, some trash and recycling done from my room, and my mood slightly boosted. i also found what i was looking for and put my keys in their spot for tomorrow.
Committed to breaking harmful mental pathways and mentalities for today and tomorrow.
Goodnight!
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I feel bad because Iām so far behind, I canāt give everybody individual shout-outs. 
But I love all of you and itās great to be here!
Not much to report today. Iām back on my meds, which is great. Anxiety is my biggest problem, but the depression has been flaring up since Friday. Lots of temptation to drink, but Iāve held on. Not so stalwart with tobacco however.
Some old dude yell at me on the bus. I opened up something that started playing music and he instantly started shouting before I could hit the volume button.
Then, I get home and Joe doesnāt even let me get inside. I come up the walkway key in hand and he comes out his front door talking about his mouse problem. Iām thinking ādamn it Joe I just got here!ā Heās a good guy though.
So now Iām just killing time until Iām tired. Trying to sit through Dune again.
Have a great sober night, fam! 
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I canāt keep up today either. Itās ok. I hope the medication helps. I took antidepressants years ago and they really do what they need to. I donāt take anything now, but sometimes I wonder if I should be taking something for anxietyā¦
Thanks for checking in.
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Glad to see u posting Mark! Glad to also hear about ur medication Hope u have a restful night
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Sounds like u had a productive day! Proud of you
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