13 days. So happy for that, but feeling sad and angry that I’m second guessing 18 years of marriage. It’s the same cycle of me feeling hurt and him “realizing” he has been insensitive, selfish and rude. He’s sorry. But I’m not mad anymore. I’m only sad. I don’t feel the desire to open up and be vulnerable with my husband about my feelings if he’s just going to throw it back in my face. I honestly think I was partly using alcohol to fill the void in my relationship. I never wanted my daughter to come from a broken home. We have come a long way and my husband has so many good qualities, but I feel so alone. I’m really really trying just to make myself happy, but it’s not the way I’d ever hoped it would be. I know, I know… Let go of expectations, be grateful for what you have… but isn’t ok to also think I deserve more??
Oh miranda thats rough. Im sorry your partner isnt being the partner you need right now. Id encourage you to get a sponsor who can be kinda a guide. And of course there is the “dont make any drastic changes in the first year of sobriety” saying. I can relate so hard. I felt like i was outgrowing my hubby and he started to realize it
Another night feeling awful
Set timer for 15min
Litter box and wiped down bathroom. Not doing more than 15. Trying not to be petty. I have to be careful about how i build habits. at least i am now a clean and courteous roommate.
Evening check in
Day 212
Had a good day overall. Went for a walk through the park before my son got home. Needed to connect with nature. Was having a nice time until I literally almost got attacked by a cobra chicken aka a Canadian goose lol Those things are vicious lol Got home, picked up my son and did some reading with him until hubby got home. Made supper and am relaxing with the family until my son goes to bed.
Recovery wise i feel better. After getting back to the basics of recovery amd connecting to God, I feel like I have some direction again. I dont have that “lost” feeling over me anymore. Went to check my milestone progress and guess what?!..
Health wise, im on point today with my exercise and eating. No concerns there
Grateful for my recovery, for you all, and of course God. Truly… without God in my life nothing would be possible! Grateful to be 7 months clean and sober today!
Woot woot 7 months is amazing work lady!!
That’s all so great!! I’m stoked for you!
Cobra chicken!!! I’m cackling!!! Congrats on your milestone!
@Miranda
U do desserve more and Im so sorry ur hurting. I often struggled with that statement of not having expectations of anyone so that i wouldnt get disappointed in the long run. This statement is true BUT… everyone is allowed to have the expectation to be treated with respect and treated like a human being. You deserve that, especially from someone who ur in a marriage with. Im praying that things work out for you and ur husband.
As a child, my mom n dad would argue alot and they continued to be together (even tho my mom hurt emotionally due to my dads insensitive and unemotional nature). Anyway, sometimes kids living in homes where the parents are always arguing or hurting, can actually be more detrimental to their mental health. I am not saying at all to divorce and whatnot, i just wanted to mention my experience from a childs perspective. My mom was put thru alot emotionally bcuz she didnt want me and my brother coming from a broken home. I do understand the importance of that. Yet i would scream at my parents and ask them to divorce already bcuz as a child, I couldnt handle seeing them be that way with each other and hearing my mom hurt.
If anything, i pray that u find things thruout ur day that u can do for urself to bring u joy and calmness. Its hard 
but when ur not getting that companionship from ur spouse, its important that u be ur own best friend 
It is ok to think that you deserve more. Of course. Everyone deserves a life they can be happy in. I’m sorry you aren’t taken care of emotionally. Is there anyway he’d agree to go to couples counciling? My husband and I were in a really bad place a while back and it had been rocky for a long time before that. We went to therapy for a few months about 2 years ago and our relationship has never been better. I know it doesn’t work for everyone BUT it’s a really good way to reset some rules in a relationship where everyone’s just living with the status quo. I think people really get complacent in long time relationships. Ya know? Sometimes it’s good to have a third party mediating difficult conversations. Anyhow. I’ve been divorced once and so I’m no authority on anything but I do know that when WE went to counciling the experience just made it really clear that I was actually done and he was only interested in doing the bare minimum if that. With this relationship we both fought like hell for it and use the tools she gave us to communicate better and it made it real clear that we were both in and wanted it to stay that way. Ya know? Kind of a novel and I’m sorry. I just wanted to share my experience of couples therapy with two vastly different humans that lead to two vastly different outcomes. Please feel free to ignore this entire thing if it’s not speaking to your soul.
I really truly appreciate you💖 thank you so much for your thoughtful and honest response. I have brought up councelling in the past, and he was pretty against it. I’d kind of ruled it out but I think you are right, it’s definitely worth discussing again.
It’s a little scary to think it might confirm my feelings, because I have also considered that, but it’s hopeful that it could also help… And it’s better than hanging out in this grey area. Thanks again. You made a big difference in my evening❤️
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you had to witness your parents arguing. I do agree that can be harder on the children than divorce.
We do not argue often, even though I often do feel this way. I certainly wish my daughter could see us laughing and really getting along more though.
I am making the best of my evening. I’m not holding a grudge. I’m just not sharing some of my day I would normally talk about. He’s trying to put an honest effort in. I have let go of my anger. I am moving past the hurt. I’m trying to really sort out the feelings that are leftover.
Day 25!
Congrats everyone on the amazing progress! As im reading through these posts so many of you lovely humans show such resilience to the craziness life, family, friends, work throws at you and to keep persevering with soberiety through it all is freakn amazing! 
so in case anyone need to hear this, you got this 
Woooohooooo!
Congrats Dana.
Another milestone to celebrate:
yours! @Butterflymoonwoman 
Welcome here @SoberGuyUSA 
How are you doing today @Juli1 , seems like you had a hard time yesterday. Hope you feel better!
Good of you to vent about it!
Hi @Frank68 haven’t seen you here for a while. Maybe I overread you? Hope all is good?
Wow Jan @anon3131847 I deffinitely find your manager fantastic! 
I hope those exercizes help to keep you grounded and focussed on the day. Don’t let yourself drifted by things you cannot control. I think your manager likes you too much to let you go and she is right!
That’s a great start @mx_elle , welcome at your new life. It will be difficult, but also worth it! 
And you are doing great @anon53116147 , just wanna say that! 106 days!
Day 359 no mind altering substances 
#Day 1457 
Feeling much better today! 
Worked soooo hard yesterday! We had 3 containers of stocking arriving at 12 o’clock, but it all was in the shelves at 16.00! Just wow!
That leaves me with enough time to do the other tasks that where on my list. Normally I’m the assist manager but for now and 4 ore 5 months I am the manager because the “official” one is temporary helping out another store.
If I’m in a good mood: I like my new challenge a lot. And getting out of my comfort zone means I’m learning and growing!
If I’m in a bad mood: it makes me anxious and doubting if I can do it.
So keeping myself grounded like @anon3131847 mentioned is important for me as well. “One day at a time” is an important one for me as well as “there is nothing more I can do than my stinking best”
And last but not least: I’m allowed to make mistakes.
Today? Getting my nose pierced🎉
I see it as my sober milestone present. So I have to stay sober untill sunday to really earn it
And I have to go to the vet for a check up for my cat. In the evening a dinner with a friend to celebrate her birthday. Looking forward to see her.
Bye for now, let’s add another day sober/clean to our string of days shall we!
1195
Coffee. Day off. @SoberWalker Your little meme comes extremely timely for me. Yesterday I was pushed out of feeling good, relaxed and safe in my job -my comfort zone- by a patient who threatened to kill me. I went straight into the fear zone.
I went home early and felt terrible. After hanging around and feeling alone and scared and stressed and totally shit all around I did something I learned since becoming sober. I asked for help, I shared, I wrote, I had calls with people, talking about what happened. I didn’t try to solve it alone like I did when I drank.
That action in itself was a learning experience too. And I hope some more growth will come from it. I’m not done learning and growing. And I’m not over my fear. Another thing I learned is to be in contact with my feelings more. In the past I would have gotten to drunk to numb and (try to) forget.
Now I’m sober I’m facing my feelings. And even when those feelings are shitty, it’s still hugely superior to numbing and drowning those feelings with substances or with whatever we use. Again, I can learn so I can grow. It takes work and lots of it. One day at a time. Good days and bad ones. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from my hood.
Thank you so much Claudia.
Its better today…
Yes, sharing helps soooo much…
Just spitting it out!
Thanks to everyone here supporting each other 